Hi Midge

Didn’t want to just read and run xx 

I don’t have experience with this but...I hope you stick around and join in some of the other threads as there are so many people here in the same boat as you. Going through the same things, unfortunately. 

I am sure someone else will be able to relate to your feelings. I hope someone will come along and can offer some tips as to how to cope with the uncertainty and the unknown. 

I went on some training the other day - our work wanted us all to attend a stress management course. They said that uncertainty was one of the biggest causes of stress and suggested there was support for this in the way of therapy (the lady delivering the course was a therapist and referred to clients who came to see her with this very issue). I wonder if you could speak with your GP about being referred somewhere where you can have a sound off and learn to manage this awful anxiety between scans, check ups, treatments etc. You might even be able to self refer to some of these places (without going through your GP). And you’re wife too x 

I’m waffling now, apologies. It’s great news that your scan was looking good xx 

Thanks for your reply StarCatone. I know I am not being rational at present but as I say its relentless and all consuming. Ones last thought at night is “is it back” and the first thought in the morning is the same.. 

The lesion is in my lumbar and I have no pain. Also had it explained that it’s sclerotic in appearance and my cancer Sqamous cell if it gets into bone is usually a different form. 

Thanks again for replying 

Just wanted to say hello and suggest that you come here to have a moan whenever it all feels too much.  Sadly the b....y cancer can be relentless too and it can be a case of running as fast as you can to not let it get ahead!  I have lost too many family and good friends to cancer and it seems you sometimes have to get up very early to beat it at its game.  Best wishes to you and your family.  Annie

Thanks Annie. I was explained by consultant the phrase VOMIT . “Victims of medical investigation and treatment. Well I get it. Two years ago CT scan showed something in lung, but they were sure it was post chest infection. 6 weeks of anxiety before re scan, all ok. Last year mass in ingiual cancel. Re scan turned out the cold weather had made a testicle ride up for warmth. Now this sclerotic lesion. . One can only take this for so long. I was half mined to stop CT. surveillance. Now wish I had

I think you need to do what is best for you and your wife.  It is hard living with it every day, I'm the wife in our case and and as long as he wants to fight I'll be behind him.  I've had thoughts of I've had enough but it's not me suffring.   So have an open discussion with your wife, make a decision and that should give you a goal.  Good luck .  Caz

Thanks Caz07

i just wish I could have positive thoughts . These last three weeks I have not left the house.

I don't think that you should worry about that my husband has been the same but has come through it.  I've always said to go with the day and how you feel.   Sometimes your own company is what you need,  you'll get through this.  Caz

Had an exchange last week, to say MDT review of scan taken place place , report to follow shortly. I have to ask is that right report to follow,!, we know the results but you just have to wait. We are not talking about biopsy reviews here, just MDT output. Nothing yet and I don’t expect anything until next week at the earliest. Sorry it’s just not good enough time line wise

Not a medic. But after 4 years, I think you have a really excellent chance of beating this disease. T2 G3 N3 is scary, true. But if I understand correctly, if you have no recurrence within 2 years, your odds are really good, which is not necessarily the case with other cancers. So every reason to hope that the final MDT report will be great, and you can enjoy Christmas!