Throw the b....h out, change the locks, your still young, move on without her, I’m sure you got a good 30 years left in you, if you got money, take it cash, give it the kids, you’ll be ok, what she gonna do, come get half ? Half of nothing is nothing, good luck my friend 

How really sad are these stories ... and it breaks my heart , the thought of how hard this journey is, even with lots of support ... I had amazing support from son , daughter in law... nieces etc ... and that support helped me get through everything ... 

I did have 2 others, that I'd helped so much over the years, which didn't even text ... even a text saying thinking of you, would have meant the world ... but that's life, and lots of us had that expierance with a few we thought were close ... well sinse my diagnosis, I have held on to those who'd shown that caring .. and the couple that didn't... well out with the rubbish... glad I found out ... and life's too short to stay around people who turn their back ... it's them with the problem ...

If it were me, I'd get on a stronger footing .. not asking them for anything .. then find a way to get them out of your lives ... you get one life ...and once we have cancer, every day is precious... no matter what age you are ... get your life back ... anyone going through thus with little or no support ... Will always find a friend on here .. not as good as a partner, admittingly ... but always here to offer a hand of support, and a big vertual hug to you who are brave, cancer patients ... Chrissie

Never a more true Chriss, than when you really need support and you find your real friends. Sad that this is the situation these days. 

Reading some of the post`s on this forum, as well as other sites, like you think how fortunate I am receiving so much support from my family and friends, as well as Virtual support on this site.

LukeB

just to say i am so sorry to hear this, the dreadful ilness brings out crazy reactions in people, but you certianly dont deserve that and it is no excuse, and it sounds really cruel ontop of what you are going through. even if its not your personality, (and it isnt mine, so takes one to know one) try and stand up to her and she will respect you more, im trying to be more bold with bullies, because thats what it is. good lcuk and get well soon

Hi Michaeloff.

Perhaps it will help if I tell you of my experiences post surgery - although my wife was as solicitous and caring as one would expect from a loving soul mate. Unfortunately, my wife has a chronic condition herself and that limited just how much she could do for me. But it really didn't matter as I was always able to do myself whatever I needed to do. 

For the two weeks following surgery, I spent most of my time sleeping. I would awaken around 8am, laze in bed until 9, then sort out the catheter bags, and go down to get some breakfast cereal and a cup of tea. I'd probably watch some TV.  Breakfast over, I'd remove the catheter bag for a shower, dry myself off, reconnect the bag, and then crash out until noon. At noon, I'd give myself a Klexane injection (very easy), then I'd have some lunch, watch a bit more TV, crawl back up to bad and crash out again from 2pm until 6pm.  I'd come down again, have some tea, watch a bit more TV (I think you can see a pattern here) then back up to bed between 9-10, connect the catheter night bag, and out like a light.  Given the amount of time you'll spend sleeping and the inconvenience of the night catheter bag, being in the spare room actually makes sense. Most of the time I was eating frozen meals that were delivered regularly by Wiltshire Farm Foods. They microwave in a few minutes and they're pretty tasty. 

After two weeks, I had the catheter removed, and this was actually the first time I wore proper clothes. The night following catheter removal was pretty bad as my bladder kept sending me confusing signals. That settled down somewhat after a day or two, but then I was left with the normal temporary incontinence following prostate surgery.  I couldn't drive for 4 weeks or so following surgery, and I was still somewhat sleepy, but not as bad as the first two weeks. Gradually the sleepiness wore off, and I was pretty much back to normal after another month. The incontinence gradually got better and I was pretty much continent after 6 months and I could stop wearing pads, although I took a change of underwear and spare pads with me for a while longer. I decided I was 99.9999% continent 12 months after surgery and stopped taking precautions, apart from a mattress protector in the bed. 

I'll leave you with some master tips. At night, always put the night catheter bag in a bucket. There's a complex series of taps that need to be turned and everyone gets it wrong at least once. Putting the bag in a bucket avoids the inevitable soggy carpet.  There will be some pain after surgery, so lay in some supplies of paracetamol (aspirin or ibuprofen not allowed). Also, make sure that you get a good supply of pads before you need them. I ordered a large number mail order and got through them in three months.I reordered but then found that I could use Always Ultra instead - which are cheaper, thinner, and readily available in any supermarket. In the end, I donated the unused pads I had left over back to the urology department of the local hospital which had looked after me so well.

Eight years on, I'm doing well. I'm 99.999999999% continent and my PSA at the last test was < 0.1

Thank you so much for that reply I’m still waiting for a date and I’m very anxious obviously. Did you do the pelvic floor exercises & how often ? Where do you get the pads & how often do you have to change them ? Also how much are they?   I notice you play the mandolin , I play guitar & sing & was once pro for many years ( still do it part time now to keep my hand in ) small world  Thanks again 

Hi Michaeloff. Yes, I did the pelvic floor exercises.  I started before the op, and continued for several years afterwards. I still do them now from time to time.  I didn't have a schedule; I just did a few pulls at different times during the day as it crossed my mind. 

I found two different pads were effective.  I bought the mid-level Tena for Men and ModiMed for Men V-shaped pads.  I used the Tena during the day, and the ModiMed at night.  At first I was using a couple of the Tena pads during the day, and one pad throughout the night. (Lying down puts less pressure on the bladder).  However, everybody is different - some people need more pads, some less. It's completely variable, and just because you use a lot at first doesn't mean you won't have a good outcode eventually. 

I bought the Tena directly from their website, and the MoliMed from Blushing Buyer (not sure if they're still going).  You will use a lot of pads at first, so I suggest you buy in bulk!  Avoid caffeine so get in a supply of decaff tea and coffee, and no caffeinaed soft drinks. I don't drink alcohol but I suspect that will will also make your incontinence worse for obvious reasons.  Prices will have increased since my time so I suggest you shop around. 

I've been playing the mandolin off and on for the last 40 years, but now I'm playing quite seriously. So much so that I've had some tendon/elbow problems in both arms, but this has just about settled down now. I've gone an electric mandolin, and also a nice Fender acoustic. 

No My wife was and still is fantastic I had my bladder and prostate removed some years ago and she and our family have always been great with me I have a bag at night fixed to my bed and a pouch during the day .I have other medical problems now but not cancer.regards george .urostar .

You mentioned always ultra pads are these women’s ? What’s the best ones to start with I’m having my op January 14th 

thanks 

mike