Hi Sue,

It sounds like a regular case of fear presenting as anger.  It's particularly common in situations like we all face with cancer where utlimately it's out of our control to a large degree.

I agree with Caz about discussing it with your daughter.  She may even be able to identify times in her life when she has reacted in anger when really she was afraid.  And, even if she can't (it's a common reaction in young kids but maybe less so in teenagers) then she might as well know about it as she will find herself reacting that way in the future, we all do it.

If you discuss it together you can agree to be open and honest with each other about when you are scared.  Basically I would suggest that you try to be aware of your mood so that when you find yourself being angry with her you can nip it in the bud, take stock, consider whether you are actually angry or afraid, and if it is fear then (having stopped yourself) let her know that.  I think if you do that then in time you'll find that you are stopping the anger earlier and earlier to the point that eventually no anger comes out because you realise very early on that you are afraid and you deal with the fear instead.

Either way, if you discuss it I'm sure your daughter will understand, you have been through a lot!

LJx