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Fatigue and relationships

CCRRM
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Hi , I am 35 years old and I got cancer when I was 19. It seems as though l have had it forever and im going to have to live with it for the rest of my life. I have a rare brain and spinal cord tumour and a list of ailments as long as my arm of things wrong with me. Oh and I'm really suffering with chronic fatigue at the moment .......... but I am so envious of people that are in a relationship. I know it can be a minefield because I have already suffered the death of one relationship from the result of having cancer. So I was wondering has anyone started a new relationship or are in a similar circumstance ? 

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    Hello CCRRM.  Welcome to the forum.  I have read quite a few people on the forum describing the minefield of relationships with cancer,  Some have found happiness; others have found that the partner cannot cope with the situation; and other cancer patients have themselves terminated the relationship because they say they don't want to be a burden (that really upsets the people who love them).

    Anyway, while waiting for people to tell you their stories you might like to click on the wiords Search Forum above your post.  In the box that opens up type the words Cancer and relationships and you will see previous posts about the subject.  While looking at these I came across one from a man called [@PeeWeeToms]‍ who I have been following on youtube about his cancer journey for some time.  You can reply to the post he made about relationships; he is very straightforward and a nice guy and I am sure he will give you his take on the subject - he has had experience!  Also of course you can reply to anyone whose post resonates with you.

    I do hope you find someone nice to share your life with; love can spring up in almost any circumstances.  Annie

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    Hi CCRRM,

    Annlieliz has given a great response.  Sounds like your life has been really tough to date, you deserve a break.  Try not to be envious of others in their relationships though, it's a waste of energy as you never know what is really going on in a relationship, people that seem happy may not be etc.  Also, try not to think that your illness rules out a relationship in any way, we are just all so different to each other.

    I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer 8 months after getting married.  I can't say it has affected our relationship, but then I already have bipolar disorder (he's seen me suicidal and bipolar is known to be one of the biggest killers of relationships), as well as having been in constant pain for over two decades.  We've been together 10 years and yet so few of our friends have any idea of what we have been through together with my mental illness and the toll that must take on my husband.  Meanwhile some of the loneliest people I know are in seemingly 'perfect' relationships.

    If a relationship is something you desire then I hope you find that but don't sell yourself short (can be easy to do that when we feel we bring a 'burden' to the relationship) if you do go looking for a relationship, there will be people out there that are perfect for you.  The good thing is that ultimately how a relationship works for you will be partly in your control (rather than that of your illness) and the other part will be in the control of the person you pick, you will get a say in making it work.

    Got my fingers crossed for you that you have joy in your life be it in a relationship or not :)

    LJx

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