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Not sure how to talk

annarochdale
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Hi,

Oh, I'm not sure if this is the right place to be, but I'm here so...

My dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer mid- last year. He's had 3 rounds of chemo which worked wonders and then went into a immunotherapy trial that hasn't worked. He starts back on chemo on Tuesday. It makes him so poorly and I don't want him to be so sick again. I have 2 Children, 5 years and 3 years and I worry that they're going to grow up with an image of him being really poorly. I'm not really handling it very well at the moment, quite a strong exterior but as soon as I'm on my own with time to think, I struggle to focus on the good stuff and only think about the bad. I miss the way he was, I love him so much and just cannot ever imagine a day without him in my life but I know it's coming. I'm looking for advice really on how to talk about how I'm feeling. I don't want to be upset I  front of my mum or dad as I don't want them to worry about me, they have enough on their plates as it is. If anyone has any suggestions...

Thanks x

  • Offline in reply to annarochdale

     

    Hi Annarochdale,

    Wow, some good news for a change. Congratulations!. I am sure that your mum and dad would be over the moon to hear this. Follow your heart and tell them You can wait until the 12 week scan to tell anyone else.

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad and his prognosis. This must have come as a terrible shock to you and your mum.. It is always hard to accept news like this, even though you half expect it.

    Thinking of you all and hope that you can share the joy that a new baby will bring.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Thank you everyone! What a wonderful community this is, such support and kid words in the toughest of times and darkest of days, I really have found comfort and strength. 

    I have told my mum and dad, and although Dad was very quiet, Mum was over the moon. I think my Dad is still trying to process everything as systems and procedures seem to have mived quickly iver tge past 2 days.

    His Macmillan nurse came today, and within an hour a doctor had been, a bed and comode had been ordered to make his remaining time at home comfortable and dignified, various drugs prescribed and district nurses organised for the beginning if next week. This is such an awful time for us all, yet I'm still surprised/amazed/thankful for the amazing people that surround me and my family. 

    I now have to think about taking discretionary leave from work to spend time with my dad. Work have been so considerate and supportive since his diagnosis, and I'll know I'll need time once he has passed away, I just don't know if I'm ready to not have the distraction of work yet... if you know what I mean. I have 2 days until im due bavk in so im sure ill work it out somehow. 

    Anyway, once again, thank you so much, please know that have made a difference to me and my family xxx

  • Offline in reply to annarochdale

     

    Hi Annarochdale,

    I'm glad that you have broken the news to your parents. It may take your dad a little longer to process this news than it did your mum, but I'm sure that he is delighted too.

    We are in a similar position with my mother-in-law. We saw the social worker on the Friday, her hospital bed was delivered on the Monday morning and carers came in on the Monday evening. Since then they come in 4 times a day, her practice nurse comes in twice a week and her social worker comes in once a week. We really have been blessed with the care that she has had, but it is still hard to see a loved one failing before our very eyes.

    It is always difficult to decide whether or not to take leave at this time. Sometimes our work is the one thing that keeps things 'normal' for us. You will certainly need some time to come to terms with things at the end and I'm sure that your mum will need some support then too.

    Take care of yourself and look after that new baby.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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