Stressed a third time

I had a right nephrectomy in 2002, just after having my second child. In 2012 I had a broncosopy and thoracotamy, which have to be done again shortly, and possible removal of upper lobe of my right lung. I got through these before with the support of my husband, but this time it feels like he has his head in the sand and closes up when I want to talk about it. I worry about how to get to the hospital for the operation, being a distance away, and getting home again, as well as not being accessible for family visiting, as he lost his driving confidence. His licence has since expired,  and he is nervous of contacting dvla regarding reinstatement.  I need him driving again as one less worry, along with being able to help my 89 year old mum with certain things, and money worries, as I am part self-employed. My head spins and I toss and turn at night.

  • Hi there .. so sorry your having such a hard time at the mo ... I'm sure if you phone McMillan about not being able to get to hospital they may be able to help .. as I did volunteer work for them a few years ago, where I took some cancer patents to their appointments ... so worth giving them a ring ..

    Your husband seems to be needing some support too ... maybe he needs some counselling.. as I've been on both sides of cancer, l found watching someone l care for going through this is somewhat harder, then when I'm dealing with mine ... try to get him to open up about his feelings too ... everyone suffers with this cruel cancer ... Chrissie x

  • Hi Bethel.

    I can only echo Chriss's excellent advice.

    I'm sure there will be a driving school locally that would be happy to give your husband a refresher course, and build up his driving confidence again. 

    It is also worth checking local taxi firms and see how much they charge for a journey to and from the hospital. 

  • Hello bethel.  So pleased you have come here to tell us your worries.   We are good at listening (well, reading) and we want to help anyone in your position.  The last thing you need is all these extra worries.  Chrissie has pointed you in the right direction for driving to the hospital - MacMillan.   But your husband does need help - it sounds as though he has lost the capacity to cope with your illness which is unfortunate for you but I expect if he has gone through this with you before he is now frightened and does not want to confront the situation.  I am nowhere near being a psychologist but this is something I have seen before so I am guessing here.  MacMillan Cancer Support would also help him if you can persuade him to talk to them. It might help him to organise his driving licence if they chat with him about the overall situation.  If you need driving help at the moment to get to your mums do you have a good friend or neighbour who will run you around for the cost of the petrol?  Do not be afraid to ask for help.  Most people are pleased to help so when someone says "If there is anything that I can do..." tell them "yes".  With your illness and lack of sleep these problems need to be sorted.

    I know I am blethering on here - I know from experience that worrying does not make problems go away so I hope that you can make use of some if any of the suggestions made on this forum.  Best of luck!  Annie

  • Hiya, I'm just about to start radiotherapy myself and the nearest hospital to me for that is 50 miles away, when I mentioned that to my nurse she said the hospital will provide transport. I'm in wales so not sure if that's the same everywhere. Xx