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Cancer starting a relationship

bikeaddict6
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Hi! 

This may sound silly, but it’s really taking a huge fraction of my thoughts during the day (and night) ... I’ve been chatting with this girl for more than 3 months now, she’s everything I’ve ever wanted, smart, athletic, beautiful, funny... she lives in a different city, so we just met 3 times by now... we spent together last weekend I couldn’t believe how happy and perfect was everything, until Sunday night she told me, she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2016... I thought she had short hair just because she was this cool girl... I was shocked , it’s selfish I know, I cried, she is indeed stronger than me, right now I’m confused, I think we are madly in love with each other, I don’t know how to talk to her about this, or what kind questions are ok to make, I’m also scared that I’m losing someone that I was making all this plans lovers make in their heads... if someone maybe can give me some advise it would be much appreciated. 

 

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    Hi bikeaddict. Welcome to the forum.

    Your shock and worry are quite understandable, particularly if you've never come across cancer before.

    I dare say the most important question on your mind is whether you are going to lose your love sometime soon. Well, no one knows that. However, it is worth saying that many breast cancers are completely cured after treatment, and others which can't be cured can be controlled for many years, with the patient living a near normal life. 

    Sadly, you won't know about your girl friend's situation until you ask her about her illness; although I can well appreciate just how difficult that conversation is going to be.  

    In the end, none of us know just how long we'll share our lives with our true loves. You have to take what time you have and make the most of it. But if this girl really is right for you, don't let a word like cancer put you off. 

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    Hi there bikeaddict.  telemando is so right; don't let the fact that your girlfriend has had breast cancer define her life.  Things happen (apart from cancer) and none of us have any certainties for the future.  I haven't had cancer myself (have cared for those who had) and have lost some and kept others - but I am 65 years old and cancer is more common in older people.  I know of those who had a battle with cancer years ago and had no further problems.  By all means find out how it has affected your lady's life but remember it is just one thing about her and don't let it colour what sounds like a lovely budding relationship.  It would be really hard on her if you got consumed with worry about her health! 

    Enjoy your life; we should all do that and not panic too much about an unknown future.

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    Hi,

    First and foremost thanks for the post, I recently got into a relationship and was honest about my cancer with the girl I got with, and then 4 - 5 months in I got another tumor. A highly aggresive one as well.

    She has been golden, not only that has taken care of me massively and made everything way easier for me. Well as for the loss part, she is under no illusion now that my life will be long, I have one of the rarest and worst cancers going but we are together and thats that.

    As for me life is to short to mess about with stuff that doesn't bring happiness and why pass up the chance!

    I have a blog if you want to see more about it and my vlog has loads about it and my crazy outlook on it all.

    Do what brings you happiness :)

    Dan

  • Offline in reply to PeeWeeToms

    Hey Dan! Thank u for answering my post... I feel happy that you are sharing your life with someone who cares... I am slowly getting to know the health situation of my partner, although I´m kinda scared I only want to be near her and take care of her, make her smile, and live one day at a time, just like it has to be for everyone, regardless... I´m surely going to your Blog and your Vlog... I wish you happiness and peace! 

    A big hug for you!! 

    Juli

     

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