Hi Sandra...

Oh my, so much for this year being kinder to us ... and its still just january ...but I can always hope ...

How's your bro doing .... it's a scary time ... but fingers crossed for him .... let us know how he goes ...

Good ... just been with grandkids for the weekend ... wow ... love em ... chest infection finally gone... woo hoo ... 

Bad .... this year is starting off just like the last ... my sis had to go in hospital for op on her knee .. really confusing for someone with dementure ... can't imagine how scary that must feel ... but she's back out now ... 

So peeps , let's keep kicking cancers butt.... Chrissie  

Hi peeps, I've been rubbish lately and staying off the forums. Just popping by to say hi. Thankfully things are pretty uneventful here. Still on the anastrazole, zolodex and zometa but otherwise nothing to report. Boring is good. Oh and I landed a new job ;) Hope you're all well x

The Good- mums nodule in her lung  has shrunk a little. Lung function tests 5th February. Least it hasn’t grown!

The Bad- guess you saw news yesterday about morrisons cutting 3,000 managers jobs? Yep you guessed it could be me. Start the fight for my job Monday!  Totally numb and very emotional. Only January and not a good start to the year.

Hope everyone is as good as they can be hugs to you all x 

Hi there beachbabe ...

Oh dear .. looks like another hard year ahead .. but fingers crossed you won't be one loosing their job .. life sucks sometimes .. and good mum's not grown ... so sending you a vertual hug... keep on holding on ... nice to see mrsfingers even if just for quick catchup ... everyone helps keeps Sandras thread going ...

Here's to kicking cancers butt.... Chrissie  

Good .... I'm struggling to think ...   ; (( 

Bad .... so sad seeing sis being taken over by dementure ...  but still holding on ... just ... xx 

Hi Sandra had bone scan this afternoon second one so far, still don't like I'd of being injected with radiation then waiting for three hours for it to get into my bones ready for a scan. Then drink plenty to flush it out again.. Its not very natural. January hasn't been a good year to many people yet, hope things improve as the year goes on............

Billy xxx 

Hi Dizzle love the new avetar, to answer your "question "feeling down comes with knowing that there is or was cancer there and it could return,. But I'm slightly different anyway remember I'm living with my uninvited guest full time, so i try to concentrate on the positive I'm going to survive and that's that, i made a promise to my darling wife that I'd look after her with her being nearly 14 years older than me and I'm sticking to it. Maybe i do suffer from mental health don't know, don't care im feeing positive and that's that. Brens nearly 83now so hopefully weather will be good on her birthday (February) and I'll take her somewhere nice. If weather no good I'll take her in summer but definitely going somewhere nice this year she deserves it putting up with me nearly 48 years. Anyway I'm rambling rather a lot hope you get good replies from the ladies,. Love.... Billy xxx 

What you're feeling Dizzle is perfectly normal. I have always been the person who had control over everything and that included mentally. All of a sudden I was feeling as you do and didn't know how to stop it. Its so tough trying to physically deal with it all and then we think we are dealing with the emotional side and being positive and blah blah blah but in reality it really hits hard. Keep talking - a close friend or a counsellor. You've been thru so much and the grief of knowing your family isn't there- it's hard. I felt the same way and it got better with time and knowing I wasn't only one. Be real and talk with someone honestly. I'm always here to listen and happy to do it off this forum if you wish. I still get small bouts of these feelings as other things in life don't stop. You've had a huge lot of stuff to deal with and remember you are not alone - there are so many people to love and who love and care about you. Go out and enjoy sthg you love doing no matter how small it is. One day at a time and perhaps also speak with your GP as it may be hormones. Massive big hug to you and this is living the reality now of our situation. It never stops but we have to carry on with whatever curveballs life throws at us. Talk it out as many times as you need to in order to deal with it. Emotional health is just as important as physical health and you are important. You got this!

Hi there Dizzle...

I've chatted lots of times to people on here feeling the same .. and it's made worse because then they feel guilty because of having those feelings ... and it can easily spiral into depression...

If only we were warned about before .. so if it happens we are at least pre warned .. my problem was my daughter in law's friend who was 31 and two young ones .. went through a journey if chemo and radio .. while still being a mum and wife  .... she was so wonderfull and had so much to live for ... her babies the same age as my 2 youngest grandkids ...

Where's as I'd lived .. my kids grown, even my two oldest grandkids have their kids at school now .. I've had a full life ... I've been there ... got the tea shirt ... so why when I had a grade 3 , no chemo ... refused radiotherapy because of my already crock body ... why am l still here ..and not her .. I cryed for a long long time .. still do thinking of her, and yes I still feel guilty ... I know the logic but it doesn't help ... 

Jbains has put it really well ... and we all want you to know it's o.k to feel anything .. was not alone .. and now I hope you reach out and find a good people to help you understand those feelings ... that's why I hope this "good and bad" thread goes on .... its so needed ... so be kind to yourself ... and that big heart of yours ... we change, with cancer ... I think we have to find a new normal as we can never get back , mentally to the old 'normal' ... but take one step at a time , baby steps ... learn to walk again ... was all here with you ... big hug to you and our little mirical vinny ...  Chrissie xx