Sorry, seems I'm posting loads, I'm just getting through all the updates :D

My ponderings on 'cancer-free'...

Well, my surgeon made a point of saying that it is very unlikely that I am now cancer free, despite removing all of the tumou (no cancer present in the margins either) and all my axillary lymph nodes (4 of which were cancerous).

In my case it's because it was stage IIIB when diagnosed and that chemo did very little in terms of killing off the cells in the tumour (it barely shrank), so the likelihood that no cancer cells have made it through my lymph nodes and out the other side surviving long enough to search for somewhere to set up a new home is so small as to be pretty much zero.  Basically they can be quite definite that there will be cancer cells floating around my body at the moment trying to find an organ on which to create another tumour.  I just have to hope that it is somewhere treatable.  Of course there is the tiniest chance my lymph nodes contained all the cancer cells, it's just incredibly unlikely.  Even when a secondary forms and they treat it (if possible), there will still be other cancer cells already trying to set up their own homes too.

I will be starting Tamoxifen, not sure why that hasn't happened already, would like it very, very soon!!!!  And I will have prophylactic surgery to remove my ovaries and fallopian tubes so as to help decrease oestrogen production (my cancer is oestrogen positive).  However, my cancer is progesterone positive too and there isn't much they can do about that hormone.  So it's a case of living life knowing that a secondary tumour is probably forming somewhere, feeding it as little as possible so it grows as slowly as possible and gives me longer.  And, most of all, doing all I can to ensure my amazing Joe is in the best place and position possible when I do go.

Hello

I feel like an intruder jumping onto this post but I felt I couldn't pass without leaving a note. 

I came across this thread whilst looking for any bit of information/advice and spent quite a while yesterday reading your experiences. 

I'm 31 with a nearly 2 year old son & a 12 year old daughter. I am awaiting results of biopsy on Thursday. I found two lumps in my right boob. One, the consultant said he wasn't too concerned about. The other, he stated "he didn't know what it was and I don't mess around". He took a biopsy from this. He also added that I have enlarged lymph nodes under my armpit so also took a sample from there. I think the mention of lymph nodes is what has scared me the most.

Has anyone ever had enlarged lymph nodes on a scan and it turned out to be nothing?

Is it possible that they still won't have any conclusive results for the lump and the only way they would know for sure is to remove it? 

Also, I have been abnormal bleeding for a couple of months. I've put this down to having the Mirena coil fitted in July. I will see the doctor about this as soon as Thursday is over with. I had Cin3 a few years ago and had a large area of cells burnt away so this is playing on my mind too. 

I must say how very brave, strong and bloody inspirational each and every one of you are.The things you have been through, the ups, the downs. How you have supported each is truly amazing. No matter what my outcome on Thursday you have already helped me. I just wanted to let you know that.  

Lorna ️

Morning Lorna and welcome to the thread. Everyone is welcome to read and more importantly join in if they want to :-)

bless u will b out of yr mind with worry. I would love to say    Your lumps are nothing ( although the odds are in yr favour) I can’t. The reason I can’t say is not because I think something will b found but because just like yr consultant...until the results from biopsy comes in it’s simply not known. Everyone will tell you that you are going through the worst bit of the process....the waiting. 

The waiting is the worst because our minds tail chase with all the worst case scenarios. Which is why we all say stop the what ifs, coulds and shoulds....they are not helpful. I know easier said than done. 

For me I was told at scan that she was confident to say we were looking at a cancer diagnosis...others have to wait for biopsy results.

I think our beachbabe is closest to the scenario you ask about-had all the tests nd then had a lumpectomy and finally got the great news of not cancer. For others the good news comes much sooner at biopsy results. 

Thursday will come around soon and then you will get your answers. I will b thinking of you and will keep everything crossed for a good outcome....for now I’m sending tight virtual hugs. Deep breaths nd hold your loved ones close ️ X

Aw thanks LJ. I was diagnosed at 60. Got lots of females in family 3 aunts, 1 sister, 4 cousins, 4 nieces (late 30s). I’m the first one of any type of cancer (lots of heart disease though). 

Thought axa was an insurance co but thought best t ask lol. 

Bless.... how matter of fact does outcomes and treatments sound in the written word when it is so not. Guess we all live with a great big what if hanging over our heads. We also know the dark places our minds can go if we let it travel the what if path.  So....we will live for today, wring every moment of joy out of everyday, do all the good things we put off and hold our loved ones close. Not because of cancer but because it’s how we should have always been living. 

Oh nd.....love the what letter query..lol ️X

Morning peeps 

the bad :- nd so begins the slippery cold icy walks to school. Had to defrost the thick frost from car this morning too...sigh.

the good :- oh my daughter introduced me to Asda’s caramelised onion sausages...they will b my new crave eat lol. 

Had a lovely family night out last night at Italians (without the lil ones) - put sparkly socks on nd everything (in recognition t the closeness of Xmas lol). Had chicken breast with garlic king prawns nd a lobster bisque sauce ( went for chips...vegetables were not even contemplated lol). It was delish :-) blow me if I haven’t lost 1lb this morning....result. One more t go for pre jollies weight though.

carpet fitter just rung he is back from his jollies so finally gonna come nd measure up for stairs....how very dare he go away when needed lol. 

Have as good a day as u can peeps ️

Lol were u a bit squiffy when u wrote yr post....good times lol. 

Yup I know what u mean. I started this post under living with cancer and still feel this is the right heading for it. I think of myself as in remission although the consultant wrote aim of treatment was cure. Maybe frame of mind is an important aspect too. My slant is get on with life nd living nd deal with it if it shows it’s ugly mug again.  I look on the medication as preventative rather than an active treatment but...what do I know lol. 

Here’a a virtual clink of glass of wine which I believe is good for the soul...*disclaimer.....not a clinician or religious guidance/instructor  :-) x

Hi Lorna 

Like Sandra said I had a lumpectomy after finding a lump that had a core biopsy done but results were inconclusive so it was taken out plus another lump they found. Thankfully it was benign. It is the worse time waiting and not knowing but the amazing ladies on here helped me every step of the way. This thread differently helps so much but it also make you laugh as it shows it’s not just about cancer but helps you still live your life. From talking about knitting, cakes, children and even the odd toyboy! 

Fingers crossed for Thursday xx 

Lorna, don't be a stranger! Let us know what happens. I've had a lumpectomy and radiotherapy this year. I've also had cin 1 cells in the past and know what a pain that is too! But I'm back climbing, caving and on full-time work as a nursing sister! So you can beat it! 

WQ xx

Thankyou all so very much for your replies. Its great to be able to write something down and have people reply who have been in exactly the same position I am in now. 

I know negative thinking isn't going to do me any good, but it's so bloody hard. My baby boy is only nearly 2, he wouldn't know who I was if anything happened. My baby girl is just hitting puberty & first year at secondary school (attitude is kicking in and life is all about her mobile phone apparently). 

I hate to say or even put in writing these thoughts but it's what's going through my mind every minute of every day.

The thing is, I'm not a negative person usually, I'm fiery but laid back, don't stress easily over things that don't matter. But something has taken over me which I'm hating.

I think because of the pains I'm having in my right arm (same side) it's also not making me feel any more positive. It started off as a shooting pain that was going down to just above my elbow for the first week it happened. Now it's more a tingly feeling, had it in my fingers a few times. Holding a shopping bag today and it felt like it was affecting my arm....

I'm trying to research as much as I can so that I am prepared, but also feel like it's not going in when I read it..I shall definitely take a notepad and paper. Fab tip.

Good - Ordering Peter Rabbit themed things for my boys 2nd birthday on the 15th.

Bad - The worry and anxiety taking over

Xxxx