Sorry my dear ladies  .I've been feeling better, ¡¡¡ since coming off my meds so spring cleaning while i can . There will come a time probably soon when back on meds, but it feels good to be feeling good. 

Brenda has missed her chair couple of times and bounced on her bottom, she's ok they checked her out. And she's brighter again  .

Carol i figured out how to enlarge your emoji and have to apologise about bathing costume, but you still look ravishing, still cannot whistle,    

Christine, nomatter what a dog is part of the family alot of the time the boss as well, especially the females. 

Love Billy xxxx 

Hello Billy and Christine, thank you for your compliment it's much appreciated as I no longer have my lovely husband to tell me how lovely I look each day.  Poor Brenda, at least she hasn't broken anything but still a worry for you.  Just goes to show how meds can make you feel worse just as my blood pressure tablets didl. I've been busy, busy, bedroom furniture came yesterday so all I need now is bedding, curtains and blinds but I'll get there.  The patio cleaning has been done today and they're back Thursday to fill in the holes!  Tomorrow I'm seeing a solicitor about Norman's treatment, I just can't let it go, the more I remember the state he arrived home in the more angry I become.  If we let these Trusts get away with this then it will happen again and again as no one is held accountable.  I've been very productive with my bedroom and painted the original mirror the same colour as the walls and hung it the other way up, it looks brilliant, even though I say it myself.  I broke down telling the patio guy, they call him Norman, he gave me a hug and said it sounds horrific, it was I said as I sobbed on his shoulder.  So I've booked a train to see Faye and family for 2nd June for jubilee weekend so I'm not home alone again.  It will be nice to see them all and be fed and handed wine!  When I come back I'll book a ticket to Lisa's for when they go away.  She has the loan of a large crate for Elvie with the broken leg but has to climb in it to feed and change her tray and Elvie escapes.  That should be fun I say, you'll probably come home and find me dead in the crate and Elvie eating me through the bars, can you imagine the headlines, family go on Holidays and come back to grandma dead in cats crate, well what was left of her!  Lisa said, that's what I'm worried about, we'll that's OK then!  Well take care you two.  Xx

Hi Carol,

I'm really glad you're getting legal help for the way Norman suffered at the end of his life.  I keep reading about these different Trusts causing suffering and trying to hide the truth.

A hug can be a blessing when you are feeling lonely  I was lucky enough to have my son visit me for a couple of days, this week, and I was greedy for hugs before he left.  When I had both children spending time with me and taking me out for dinner two nights running it was wonderful - even though they like to tease me when they get together.  I tried to pay for the Chinese banquet we had, and my son told me in no uncertain terms, " Your days of paying are over - be told!" How lovely is that? He doesn't know I've secretly booked some roof work on this bungalow.  He still hasn't got over my having a small extension built without telling him.  He bought me this bungalow on the condition that I live in it and look after it, which, to me, means paying to have any work done. Apparently that wasn't his intention! He's trying to get me a new bathroom, or walk-in shower because he thinks I must struggle to use the shower over the bath. I did convince him that I am quite capable of swinging my aged decrepit legs over the side without falling, so he dropped the subject.

I don't often feel lonely, just for a moment, when I see him drive away. My daughter is just as wonderful but lives four minutes away, and we see each other several times a week, so sadly, gets taken for granted a bit. I am single by choice! I left my husband after 28 years and divorced him after a further five years. Lovely man, just couldn't or wouldn't stop gambling and drinking away our future. My next relationship I ended after seven years, when I stopped my HRT suddenly on the instructions of our practice nurse, causing me to have a six week horror of a menopause, during which, my partner decided to look for someone more receptive to his charms. He got away with his suspicious behaviour for a week before I sent  him off on his bike. Well, in his Honda Accord, actually! You don't have the same patience the second time round.  After that relationship I was living alone for the first time in my life at nearly 60. So I got a dog!  The one I've got now does think he's my boss, but at least I'm not lonely!

We are stronger than we think when it comes to the crunch and I have every faith in you becoming even stronger than you already are, now it's just you! 

Love

Christine xx

Hi dear Carol,  my darling Brenda has been in hospital again, found out she has pneumonia, though how she gets that in a home beats me, she was on intravenous antibiotics for two days and sent back to ward with tablets to finish off infection. 

She's feeling better now and talking again..

Really glad you get plenty to occupy yourself. 

im keeping busy feeling good, nice feeling. 

Visiting Brenda Tuesday. 

Only 2 visitors a day so awkward getting visit  .

Love Billy xxxx 

Hi Billy and Christine, how things change in 24 hours.  My son in law came Friday and had lunch, the painter painted the door and it was a stress free day but I had floaters in my eye.  So Saturday morning they're still there but black so I know something is wrong.  I'm advised to go to urgent eye care, Debbie takes me and after a scan and numerous lights and drops to enlarge pupils I'm told I've had hemorrhages in my eye.  We need to check yiur blood pressure, it's 206 over 101 so they send for a doctor, she wants to admit me, but this is the hospital Norman was treated in and I am adamant I'm not being admitted to monitor my blood pressure, it won't go down in here I sob, they fetch Debbie and she holds my hand, the doctor sends me to A and E, so I am now on that treadmill, I arrive at 11.30am and finally got back home at 6.30pm.  A CT scan as they think I've had a bleed on the brain, bloods for every part of me, the scan department see I'm booked in for my other problem so top and tail me and do my brain first and my nether regions second.  I'm hooked up to a canula and dye is sent through me, back to the waiting room and let's take blood pressure again, of course it had hardly gone down.  Anyway, no bleed on brain but it could happen so they will admit me, I'm not coming in I repeat, the doctors agree I'll not get any rest and I can monitor my pressure at home so I sign the discharge letter and leave.  A hot shower, some food and my pj's and today my blood pressure is down to 137 over 77 so I was right to come home.  I doubt I'd have had a gin and tonic whilst I was there!  So I've got annoying floating black spots, it's like a harvest fly is stuck to my eyeball.  Four months since Norman died and I'm falling apart.  Billy I'm so sorry to hear your news, Ray rang me today and said Dorothy has a sore on her lower back so she's confined to bed, he is really upset.  Christine, these adult children seem to want to know all our business and get annoyed when we don't let them know our plans, but good on you for taking the initiative.  Take care you two, love Carol x x

Hi Carol, 

I have only just seen this message, and I am horrified at this happening to you.  That's the trouble with staying strong for so long, when you take a bit of that pressure off, everything else comes in to bite you.  I am keeping everything crossed that your BP is getting back to normal and you get the right kind of treatment for everything else.  
 

Thinking of you

Christine xxx

Dear Carol, really glad your BP dropped when you got home.  Hopefully your eyes will clear if bp drops more. 

Sorry couldn't think of more to put but you know you have plenty of people thinking of you. 

I slept well but ready for bed again. 

Love Billy xxxx 

Hi everybody, my blood pressure is back to normal and my doctor was mad about them scaring me at the hospital and what they did to me, he agreed I did the right thing and left, so no new meds or blood thinners as I'm fit and healthy and he will not make things worse by drugging me!  A sensible doctor who listens, who knew they still exist.  I'm stuck at home as my slot for my smart meter is 8am to 6pm that's not a slot it's a bloody day.  I ran out of milk but John rang me and asked if I needed anything, so he's been and made sure I'm OK. I am so lucky with my friends they still check up on me regularly.  Nails and haircut tomorrow before I leave and I'm looking forward to seeing my family for a few days.  Christine the hospitals seem to have you in their claws and there is no escape once you are in their eyesight, I fwjt like a fraud having all those tests done when it was only small haemorrhages, it's a drain on the resources.  It's awful here today, cold and we have just had a horrendous hail storm, it's that black I've had to put a light on for goodness sake.  One day til flaming June, I won't hold my breath.  Xx

Dear Billy I've had a lovely time away. Watched the jubilee on the TV, went out for lunch and some retail therapy for me and Faye.  We had a day to ourselves yesterday so we had lunch and went clothes shopping and managed to chat without being interrupted all the time by a chatty 9 year old.  How is Bren doing.  Sad news this morning from Flo, Ray found Dorothy slumped in her bed and asked for the home go to call and see her.  She is now in hospital again as the care home had let her become dehydrated and get a kidney infection.  So much for being in a care home. I'll chat more when home as on train and its difficult to type!! 

I have today written my letter of complaint to the hospital that Norman was in, apparently they have 40 days to respond and answer my questions.  It takes me back to the trauma that we went through and it's heart breaking to read the last few weeks of Norman's life.  But it seems to be happening again and again, we cannot in all conscience allow this to continue.  So it's been hard to do but I feel happier having Completed what Lisa and I started many weeks ago.  I told Faye what was happening whilst at hers and she said she agreed with me.  The jubilee was lovely to watch but the last song by Ed Sheeran was Perfect, the one we played at his funeral and we both sat pensively, in our own thoughts, Faye was tearful and we hugged at the end.  On a lighter note, I walked Ella to school on Monday morning, Faye came with us but had forgotten something so went home, she caught me up and said she would pop into the office and for me to carry on walking.  I did this, it was pouring with rain and I had a brolly up, I kept stopping to smell the beautiful roses and look at the houses, it wasn't until I came across a massive puddle that I realised it hadn't been there on the way to school.  I had taken the wrong road and now had to walk all the way back.  I knew Faye would panic but as usual I'd left my phone in the house.  There was nothing I could do but plod on, as I approached her road her car came towards me, she stopped and said Mum I've been looking all over for you!! She'd got home, ran around the house looking and shouting for me, ran up the street, thought I'd fallen over or had an accident, I felt awful but said I was fine.  We arrived home and decided neither of us would take our blood pressure as advised by our GP.  The next day Ella asked if I needed a map drawing as we were on our own, cheeky little monkey.  Anyway I hope everything is OK with you all.  Love Carol x