Hi Jane, it's not really a surprise to me, so many people seem to wish they had cancer, pushing for test after test, demanding scans etc even when they've been told there is nothing wrong, they seem determined to prove otherwise, so I have no reason to think but  that this was a cry for attention.  She was everywhere and hopping on everyone's posts, regardless of who it was, I have always been careful to try and only deal with what I knew about because of Norman.  Just forget it and feel sad that this became her way of communication.  Billy is a strong man, he'll  get over it!!  Xx

Hi Chriss, long time no hear, I thought you had decided to not post after all you've been through.  Norman is greatly missed and I feel like part of me is missing forever.  I'm getting on with life as there is no other way to cope apart from giving up and like you that's not in my nature.  My half brother Matt is flying up tonight so a long wwwkwnd planned, he didn't make the funeral as he lives in Australia.  It will be good to have a long weekend without being alone, a big family do tomorrow night and a barbecue on Sunday, weather permitting.  I'm decorating at the moment and it will feel good to complete what Norman and I had already agreed to do.  It's vjterly cold here although sunny but the heating is staying off as I'm trying to save money, a lovely thick blanket chucked over me and a glass of wine, candles lit to look like it's cosy and a Vincent Price movie on, but still all alone.  Take care, Carol x 

Another long bank holiday weekend to fill in but I've managed.  My half brother flew up Friday night and we ate at Sue's but the food he cooked was not good!  He's gluten free so he cooked his version of spaghetti bolognaise.  Six of us were fed with one pound of mince, half a cucumber and half a pepper, no flavours or delicious gravy, it was like being on rations from the 1950s.  Half a meruigne each with three raspberries and some cream, apparently in Australia this is called a pavlova!  Not here it's not.  So my real brother arrived, he does not get on with Matt, hello brother Matt says, Terry just ignored him, we're in for a good evening I think to myself.  It's so hard as Terry is the eldest son, Matt comes along (same father different mother) and Terry is ignored, so no I don't blame him for his attitude.  Back down again yesterday, meagre meal again, one small chicken between five adults does not a meal make!!  We said goodbye as we won't see him again for years I expect.  I came home, had cheese and biscuits, a large piece of fruit cake and a large gin and tonic, I was starving.  On my own today, but been to look at furniture for the bedroom and a bed so I've filled the day in.  I hope your bank hols aren't going too badly, the weather is awful, dull, cold and wet.  Take care, Carol x 1

Dear carol hope you haven't lost any weight with those meals,or did you make up for it when you got home . 

I've had a good working day hidden some of the hosepipe under footpath slabs so no trip hazard, rubber matting in gazebo and outside to the footpath, I've got shelving in clock radio TV flowers all the things brenda likes, while looking over the garden and at birds and squirrels. Weather was cool so better for me than hot . Just waiting for brenda to improve enough to be able to come home,im visiting Tuesday she's on a new ward , they say it her dementia causing problems,i managed to speak to consultant and explained about UTI and worried about me. He didn't know about it. But said Brenda should be home in next couple of months all being well. 

Take care keep sure.

Love Billy xxxx

Dear Billy, that would be so nice to have her home for the summer and a beautiful garden to sit in and hold hands.  I so miss Norman on days like this, we would have had a lovely day together and then had tea and some drinks.  I just fill my days in as there is not much else to do, but this is now my way of life and its very lonely.  I'm hoping to have a scan next week, so much for an urgent one, I see the constant on the 12th so it would be helpful if he knew what he was dealing with!  Just had a lovely orawn and chicken paella and feel like I've been fed for the first time in days.   Take care, Carol x 

Im so sorry carol that was thoughtless of me mentioning Brenda coming home .

i just don't think at the time i was texting you.

im waiting for some of the big bulb flowers to start coming up because some want moving as they are hiding alot of smaller flowers,silly me didn't think if that when I put them in, only im definitely not digging all the flowerbed to find them.ive got to go down town as council are being a pain over the council tax we pay, they ask for some paperwork,I send it then they ask for something else it's been four times now and I'm rather fed up with it . while im down I'll take script in drs, keep forgetting that. Probably bit of shopping as well . 

Be nice to have fruit on trees this year but not sure as only planted last year but plenty of blossom and leaves. 

Take care keep safe. 

Love Billy xxxx 

Ps would love to make pie with our own fruit .

Dear Billy, don't be sorry, I'm glad you've got Bren, I just hope you're together soon.  The garden sounds lovely, I planted some potted flowers yesterday as a lot had died due to the frost.  It is absolutely freezing here, no May day for us, I'm back in boots and large cardigans, like a little old lady!  Another load of paperwork again today, despite having sent Norman's death cer they want it again, the dedicated helpline for bereaved partners is rubbish, all WFH still so not much dedication, I gave up after forty minutes and wrote them a letter, they are asking for money back but I've no knowledge of when it was paid so I want proof before I pay out another £300.00.  Since Norman died I've repaid over £1,000 but had nothing back from them.  My chiropodist has just been she said can you imagine dealing with all of this if you've not dealt with things like this before, no is the answer, no one has made anything easy for me.  So feet up now, a gin later on and I may actually put some heating on.  I've just read about Russia threatening to nuke us off the face of the earth, at least we'll all be warm!!  Hope you get sorted soon with the council.  Xx

Dear carol just a small update, Brenda seems to improve then back again, only sleeping odd nights.Still on about boyfriends and husband's she's still talking and very happy.

im struggling with lack of energy, doing a bit and rest feeling like I've done a marathon and I've only only walked 40 ft , taking shopping out of basket on to conveyor and im puffing and panting, definitely having a word with oncologist about it .

 Hope you are out in garden enjoying sun, flowers and birds when you can . 

Take care .

Love Billy xxxx

Dear Billy, I've had the decorator here so I've been really busy.  Norman next door has been running in and out hanging pictures for me and he's just been and taken all the furniture and carpets I didn't want as a friend has separated from his wife and they have four boys, so he is settling into a new home.  I was going to sell them on Facebook but nearly got scammed, isn't it terrible when you try to do something genuine and end up being stressed to hell, it's not worth it.  Poor Brenda it's so hard for you both isn't it.  You sound not too good either Billy, talk to that consultant and see what they can do.  I'm seeing one Thursday about this hernia, you watch it's probably nothing like a hernia and something else!  That's the trouble getting older, things start to fall apart.  I'm in a quandary over the wall colour in the bedroom, it's not quite what I wanted so back to the drawing board, either paper another wal or repaint three walls, us women, changing our minds.  Take care, love hearing from you.  Carol xx