Dear carol , plodding on still using scooters covering up well when out . found out scooters don't slip on ice nice surprise,           I agree stick to the good, not the bad especially if Norman is feeling ok . remember i was ill being on my cancer meds now dose has been dropped and another tablet stopped im alot better, still mad about coming off meds to feel better.

Brenda had a perm yesterday,we both went over then i used her scooter to do some shopping down town then back to brenda, and home then refitted Brenda's bumper it came loose screws coming out .

Got wedding next month All being well, grandson and his bride to be they have 5 children so about time . had cancel twice due to covid .

Thinking of you My dear carol.

Love Billy xxxx

Hi Billy, so lovely to hear from you and an update on your excursion with Bren, you both do so well and you're always Upbeat.  Norman is on a spiral downwards today.  I made a cup of tea, had a shower and he put my coffee ready, I'm off to pick the curtains up from Mary so I'll have it when I come home.  We had discussed yesterday that I would drive to the house so that he could get out the car with a struggle.  So I was only gone 30 minutes, came home packed my car with everything to take to cottage and he was finishing his breakfast.  His back was hurting so I said do you want to still come as its very cold, only if I can drive he replied.  Having packed my car and having it all ready this threw me, so do you not want to come if I'm driving I asked.  So that was like a match to a rocket, his eyes changed, he said I'd put words in his mouth, push, push on my easy going ways, it literally scares me now as he just loses it, so I backed off.  Did I want my coffee he asked, I've just had one at Mary's, so another rant, I'd said I'd have it when I got home, I'd obviously forgotten that, so I was being deliberately awkward, I'm ready for an argument when I don't agree with him  and on and on.  How do I cope with this, it's all so traumatic and unnecessary and upsetting because when I left he was OK.  We went to the cottage and he was obviously in pain and said very little.  I try so hard to keep things normal but it's getting harder.  Norman is literally Jekyl and Hyde and I never know what to expect.  I'm putting the tree up tomorrow and keeping my head down, he is watching the grand prix and Monday we see the oncologist, I'm not looking forward to it.  Take care, Carol x 

Dear carol .

Brenda usto be like Norman when she was on antipsychotic drugs,all those years, nothing I did was right weather is was food or help with something simple, so I've an idea what it's like for you.

I can only hope he realises what you do for him and changes to what he usto be like.

i did get downhearted sometimes but kept hoping she would improve, luckily she has.

So I can only hope Norman improves over time and soon for you 

Take care keep positive .

Love Billy xxxx

Hi Billy, another day and another mood.  He was content yesterday as we put the tree up and the grand prix was on, so apart from the controversial outcome all was well. We've just come back from the hospital appointment and having discussed treatment for the probability of having leukaemia which would require more treatment we've decided enough is enough, there was no argument about this and our lovely oncologist agreed with us.  Don't laugh but there are now no signs of lung cancer, so it killed that but gave him another cancer.  Although we are not going to find out what is wrong it seems probable that it is that as his white blood cells are dropping rapidly.  Will you see family for Christmas she asked, yes we replied, well make it a good one she said, shook ourr hands and we thanked her for all her help, we both feel relieved that she knew more treatment would be worse for Norman.  Go away, we're here for you, have the best quality of life you can.  So after over four years we're done.  Love Carol x 

Dear carol im glad Norman's lung cancer is gone, and so sorry about possibly leukemia , also glad you both can say enough, and live life as best as you both can together with what time is left . hoping it'll be a fair time and things go smoothly as long as possible .

I'll not say more and make a mess of things,you know you have plenty of friends here,.

Take care, keep safe thinking of you My dear carol .

Love Billy xxxx

Dear Carol

Just wanted to say I'm sorry to read of Norman's probable prognosis. How amazing that the lung cancer has gone.

I think you are both incredibly brave people and I also understand the realisation that treatment isn't always the best way forward. 

I hope Norman is still able to have a good quality of life for as long as he can and you are you family have a really great family Christmas. 

Sending you my best wishes

Nicola x

Thank you both for your kind words. The next months are going to be hard and I'm going to have to dig deep to find more strength than normal. Norman does not register what has been said to him and tonight questionsed why no treatment was offered to him. It was I said but you said no, well apparently our oncologist should have fought harder to convince him otherwise.     So he shuts the conversation down because I don't agree with him,  I was in the room with you I point out so I know what was said. It's obviously now in his head that it's over and has he made the right decision. Yes is the answer because we cannot tolerate more. We need some calm but it's going to take time. Love Carol xx

Dear Carol,

I just came on here today to see how things were with you and Norman as you popped into my mind.

For what it's worth I think you've both made the right decision; just my opinion but I've come to the conclusion in recent weeks that quality of life is the important thing.

I wish you all the strength and support you need,  and most of all I wish you a wonderful Christmas with your family.

Take care xx

Thank you so much. I know how had it's been for you and it's lovely of you to think of us. Norman has not questioned it again but he now has another infection. So antibiotics and painkillers to get us to Saturday and a family feast   Take care of yourself. Love Carol. Xx