Hi

What a Day!   At least you managed to get a pedi and a coffee in!!   Him understanding he's too poorly for treatment is good because then he shouldnt take it out on you. They have this reasoning that its all our fault!  But Steroids to the rescue  yeah  :laugh:

I've had a 'week' of it too.   Lost my rag over the smallest of things and told Pete to Back Off giving me more and more jobs to do araound the house and garden. He knows he hasn't long and is trying to get everything done, but that means Me Doing It!  As well as ensring meds are available and taken, finger test is done, food, cleaning etc etc 

He had appointment with Palliative Dr again on Tuesday and she's like an angel!  Increased his steroids after they were reduced and symptoms started returning. Had a listen to his chest and looked at his swollen belly - she thinks steroids rather than fluid build up, but we'll keep an eye out.

Asked about future planning (we'd had a long discussion last time) and askjed if he wanted to know more about 'whats to come' as this is what he's afriad of = the pain at the end, the feeding to keep alive etc  But he didn't want to know.

I asked about time - maninly because if its another 6 to 8 months I dont think I can keep it up as so tired.  He didn't want to know so we stepped outside to have the discussion. I wasnt sure I could have that discussion without him, but yes as it affects me and my health too. 

Anyway, she explained the cancer has advanced throughout his body very fast. Yes - he should see his next grandchild in 4/6 weeks, but our sons wedding in April is a Long Time away.   She didn't say more re dates other than the increase in steroids may not work as well as they did last month. But we'll see......

Anyway, thanks for giving me somewhere to vent x

JO

Dear carol.  Still reading your blog .  Bit of good news here (maybe) my endocrinologist has told me to wean off my Clonidine (for hot flushes) . And oncologist has reduced my Enzalutamide (hormone therapy) ,as both have possibility of dropping my BP , only time will tell . would be nice to have more energy .

Looking at mobility scooter for us have a spar shop just down the road 1/4 mile I try walking now and again and it's a struggle.  . its All up and down hills Both ways nothing level at all.

Glad you got a bit of time out for yourself.

My specialist got in touch with dr and played hell because he didn't see me in person, just phone call.

Glad you are keeping blog going .

Take care keep positive and safe,

Love Billy xxxx

Hi Billy and Jo. Sometimes it's all so exhausting keeping everything going and taking on the worries and concerns of the person with cancer and I don't think they realise how hard it all is  for us. Norman is a little better but we need to see how he goes after the steroids have finished. Poor Jo, rant as much as you want we're here to take it because we know how you feel. Just picked son in law up from station and he's off to new house now. Take care. Carol xx

Dear carol . Finally got faux ivy fencing (over 3 months), didn't know it had been delivered, just noticed a gray package outside the porch window and checked, anybody could have taken it  . Got it fitted up against a galvanized one it looks lovely , definitely worth it wish I'd done it years ago,it was alot cheaper then . Brenda loves it gazebo wrapped up till next year,??bren thinking of a summer house instead so no problems with wind and rain , plus mobility scooter for short runs saving car and fuel.

My meds are coming down slowly but no rise to BP yet, Brenda is still improving slowly think she's nearly better than me now moving and memory , she loves to have her before bed shower and really enjoys splashing me or putting soap on me a laughing so much she wets herself.

Hope things are ok with you and Norman .

Take care keep safe and positive.

Love Billy xxxx

Dear Billy and all.  It sounds like a lot of fun is being had, naked in the shower together at your age, ooh I say!  The ivy sounds so nice, Margaret and I saw similar in a big store on the wall going down the stairs and thought it would look nice on her garden fence, she is not moving now so she is going to redo the house.  Neither Norman or I have felt too well this last week, he is pulling round a little and we managed lunch with friends at Headlam yesterday and he looked so handsome, mind he was going to wear his suit jacket but it had been eaten by moths!!  I haven't had it that long he states, well we bought it for my brother Matts wedding and he now has three boys, so yes he's had it a while, oh doesn't time fly he says when you're having fun, so I now have 48 cedar Wood Moth proof balls coming as they've also eaten my cashmere jumper the little buggers.  Lisa's wound is not healing too well but she is seeing the consultant today so I'll have to wait and see what she says.  Alfie was 14 on Tuesday and we bought him Ping golf clubs, he got boxing gloves as he is now going to the gym and using them there.  He is such a handsome young boy and we're very proud of him.  My flu jab made me feel unwell so not a good week but I feel better today, it maybe the large gin and tonic as I swapped paracetamol for that, it tasted far better.  So we are off to the Dale's to drop off all the stuff Lisa has delivered to my house.  A little bit of pruning, coffee and cake and check the house and we'll have a lovely drive home, it is actually sunny after days of rain.  Take care, Carol x 

Norman is rapidly getting worse, his breathing is not good, his memory is non existent which is causing me no end of problems with regard to his TV not working because Amazon have got a problem, to him locking me out the car because he was sat in it with the engine running so the boot wouldn't open.  He's just thrown his remote control at me because he doesn't understand the concept of live TV and thinks he can watch the 6pm news. When it's only 4pm!!  I hope we soon get an appointment with the haemitoloy department so we can get sorted, it's a pity the oncologist and nurses don't listen more to the one taking care of them, I said three weeks ago he wasn't well but he said, oh no I'm fine, so they ignored me.  Why do men do that, there's being macho and being stupid,  it means  I'm left alone to cope and that's what's annoys me more.  Lisa has an infection in her wound, Faye is now getting worried that she will have to cancel Brighton and I'm piggy in the middle.  I told hubby off for getting annoyed and angry when I try to help, no apology as usual, just a do you want a cup of tea, no I bloody don't, I need a glass of wine!  Take care, Carol x 

Dear carol . So sorry about Norman and specialist not listening to you, I know what its like i had that problem with Brenda years ago that's why she got as bad as she was. Experts wouldn't listen to me.

Sorry about Lisa as well having infection.

Wish I could have drink of something strong now and again but im allergic to alcohol,im ok with cough meds they just make me sleep but that's my limit.

Take care,

Love Billy xxxx

Thanks Billy if I didn't have drink I'd commit Hari Kari!  He's in a real bad mood and he thinks he is fine. Talk about being deluded. I know it's infuriating that we've been ignored as we have to deal with the outcome. Calming down with a Merlot and going to watc Strictly!    

Hi Carol.

you kindly replied to a post of mine a couple of weeks ago and I've found this thread really helpful in terms of trying to carry on as normally as possible when the word "incurable" is hanging over a loved one - my Dad in this case.

I'm so sorry things are so tough for you right now, I hope you're managing to keep yourself reasonably sane through it all. Best wishes to you and your family x