Hi Kaz - I wanted to thank you for your daily posts as they have kept me amused in the last few weeks while I have been waiting for my chemo to start. You are an amazing woman with great fortitude. I hope I will be a good patient for my hubby who has been brilliant. I would like to add you as a friend if that's ok as I'd like to say some things in private xx

Sarah, that would be great,  as you say some things are private.   Friend me and I'll accept.  Caz

Thank you - I have sent a friend request to you x

Hi Carol. Not put anything on for a while but always look forward to your daily post. They really help me and I admire you so much. You’re a lovely lady. Had my fifth chemo almost three weeks ago and still feeling so ill. Weak and wobbly, constipation and the other way and stomach troubles. So low and fed up with it all. Now found another small lump in my breast so seeing haematology doc onMonday. Supposed to have no six Chemo , last one on Tuesday but cancelled as I’m not strong enough. Sending your husband all best wishes and lots of love to you xxx

How lovely to hear from you  and I'm sorry you're having such a miserable time of it.  I have the easy end of it, I'm not sure how I would cope as I hate being ill.  Thanks for the kind words,  it's nice to know that my posts help cheer people up.  Each day is different and I try to find the joy in each one.  Let me know how you are doing, I am interested in all who read my posts.  Sending love your way. Xx

Well I'm not quite sure what has just happened.   Yesterday as I was chopping back the hedge that is mainly dead wood Norman next door asked me in for a drink as it was Debbie's birthday.   Two large glasses of chardonnay later I tootle across the front lawn and find hubby looking perplexed,  he'd come back home and I wasn't anywhere to be found, so he thought I'd collapsed upstairs .  I cooked him tea and his new golf clubs had come and all was well.   This morning he tells me about a squirrel sitting on his car roof nibbling a nut, it wouldn't even get off when he banged on the roof.  Everything is fine,  I go out to fInish the bush and he says we might as well take it out, put paving slabs down nd have a bigger drive.  I've been trying for ages to get him to agree to this, so I mentioned it to Norman who says he'll do it.  Hubby gets his car washed, comes back not happy with the men who had done it, I  mentioned the hedge and puff he flies off the handle.  The usual mantra of getting my own way is thrown at me along with other comments,  I get cross and say it won't get done so forget it.  By the time I tidy up and come in the house, he's obviously stewed over it and tells me to do what I want because I'll be in the house longer than him so it doesn't matter.   Asked what he means by this he shrugs,  so I tell him he's throwing the cancer card at me and that's a low blow.  Cup of tea left on counter,  door slammed and he's gone.  I hope he's not expecting tea, I'm going to sit and drink wine in the garden.   It's a funny world we live in with cancer  ever being present.   See you tomorrow. 

The last twenty four hours have not been pleasant,  after being told that I could do what I wanted because he'll not live long enough to be bothered sent me in a downward spiral.  Having my worst fears thrown in my face is not good.  I then get very angry as if he'd stopped smoking,  when told to, I wouldn't be stuck here day after day, dealing with all the trauma associated with lung cancer.  Today hadn't been much better,  we drove to Stanley to find the hospital I'm attending on Wednesday and despite having a sat navigation,  I'm instructed to leave it at home.   I disobey this and slip it in my handbag anyway.  We nearly get there when a roundabout with traffic lights is in front of us, lights are green but he won't go, naturally the bloke behind honks his horn,  I'm then in a road rage incident because Hubby decided to give him two fingers,  I beg him to stop being so angry and he stops.  On the way back I just want to go home but he drives right past our house without saying a word, apparently we're  going to our old village pub.  That turns out to be a ball of fun, Peter is there and last year his wife died of cancer, he'd approached me at a party last year, telling me chemo was a waste of time, nothing works and dying was the best option.   Today he apologises for what he said but I'd not told hubby about it, so I tried to shut him up!  Back home I'm informed that the party at Lumley Castle will not be attended by him if it's not disabled friendly.  I truly give up today, his mind is all over the place,  everyone in our road has gone on holiday and I'm stuck here with a miserable husband.   Roll on tomorrow. 

Carol, have replied to your friend request.  Not that there was anything I wouldn't say here, just moaning about people and things as per usual.  Paul not been very well.  I am not even married to him or anything so not sure why the burden of care falls on me! Have had a nice birthday weekend (66 on Saturday) and have had a nice time chatting with my sister who is 71 today.  Am trying to clear all manner of stuff out of the house so if we get round to moving we don't have so much.  On moving loads of stuff around I was a bit concerned to notice the difference in the colour of the carpet in various places but I might as well leave it now until I clear everything out then I can get them professionally cleaned.    Sorry to learn of your tribulations.  I am a bit depressed about the oncoming dark evenings and have arranged to go to Yeovil for a week at the end of September - just hope my leg will stand the drive.  Hydro still quite good fun but doesn't seem to be making much difference yet - I don't how long I will have to wait or even how many sessions I am supposed to have.    Cheers.  Annie

I wish I could remember to proofread before posting  my information.  I just went out into the garden to get in the washing and walked into a huge spiders web.  They are made by small brown spiders and are bigger than my arm span.  I always feel so guilty when this happens - the poor little thing must have taken hours to spin such a large web.  I have just apologised to a spider.

Things are a lot better today.   The anger seems to have settled down and it's a much more pleasant atmosphere.   I'm not even sure if he knows how bad it is for me, but how can I know what it's like living under a death sentence.   You must go to dark places in your mind  and a friend pointed out that he could be worrying about leaving me on my own and never getting to see the grandchildren grow up.  He has a cold and a cough but I honestly think it's because it's been very warm again and he hadn't taken antihistamine.   Miserable and wet today and he's gone for a nap.  When he went to the practice range on Saturday,  he came back straight away as someone had hit a golf ball , smashed it off the surround and it had bounced into the next one knocking out the golfer, so ambulance was there and the range closed,  and he wonders why I won't play golf.  My worst nightmare,  swinging clubs, walking to the next stupid hole, getting wet, blown away and hanging around whilst the next player goes.  Give me good old fashioned coffee houses, cake and retail therapy, much more civilised!!  See you tomorrow