Thank you Steph. My posts and messages have always been considered and kind but the last few weeks have not been as I would wish.  My daily struggle is mine,  so I am really keeping a diary of life as  I live it,  not to cause friction to others.   

Hi Carol, I'm enjoying our chats also.  His cough sounds awful, can only imagine what it is like for him, I find it distressing listening to him.  It would seem quiet now that the family have left.  Our 2 cats make the noise here.  My two youngest daughters just pop in whenever they feel like it and don't stay.  The only person that usually stays is a friend of Neils, and they generally go fishing.  He hasn't been in a while though as Neil hasn't been up to fishing.  I can only hope Neil keeps going like he has today though, he must be feeling reasonably well, as it's the first time in ages we have had the fire going.  He actually went out and brought wood in.  I do most things here now but I draw the line at mowing or bringing in the wood.  We do have ducted heating/cooling though, so we haven't been cold. It will be nice tomorrow to see our visitors, I've been looking forward to seeing them.  Probably have another visitor Monday, a friend of mine and a cousin of Neil's has been in the UK for the last 6 weeks, and arrived back last night.  Could be a busy week.  Take care till.  Sue xx

Hi Sue, it's lovely that Neil is rallying a little more.  I look back at my posts and the sleepless nights seemed to last for ever, plus it was winter and I was terrified zip catch a cold and we would fall apart!  I now have Norman washing up, it's his only chore, men do feel a little useless as they are unable to get on with life as it was pre cancer.  When Norman was diagnosed not one person contacted him from where we had lived, I put out on jungle drums that he felt abandoned and this encouraged friends to visit.  People have no idea how to cope, they need encouragemet.  Enjoy. your visitors and I hope Neil stays well for you all.  Xx

I'm sat here with a blanket over my knees like a little old granny as it's so cold and wet and my nose is running   we didn't do much yesterday,  I popped to TK Maxx and took Alfie's hat back and hubby went to Richmond but it was so busy he couldn't get his buggy out.  We were going for a ride out but it's too wet, so he's watching the Grand Prix and resting his toe.  When  I mentioned the window cleaning saga I'm sure most of you knew it wasn't about clean windows!  It's weird when you hold it all together for months and one stupid thing tips you over the edge.  I did laugh the other night when we girls went out for a meal, hubby said he wasn't hungry so would do a bacon sandwich for himself.   When I arrived home he told me  he couldn't remember how to turn the grill on because I had looked after him too well.  We had a laugh over it and I said next time I'll leave him a diagram.  I've just popped up stairs and put the heating on as we're both shivering, this is ridiculous we've gone from 25 degree heat to about 14, how are we supposed to acclimatise in one week?  Alfie face timed from the so called caravan (more like a house) nothing like our days of putting tables away and making up the beds.  The last one, Mum, me and Faye shared one bed whilst the two little ones had the bunks. We were rudely awakened at 5.30 the following morning by jets flying over us,  not knowing we were in a valley used for practice runs.  Still wee did have a lot of fun.  These are memories that will never be gained by staying in posh caravans,  oh and Faye didn't like the wallpaper!  Xx

Hi Carol, Neil was still feeling good this morning...I was asking him if he had any preferences for afternoon tea for our visitors.  He would say he wanted a sponge with cream and icing.  I couldn't make a sponge if my life depended on it, so in his wisdom he said he would go to the bakery to get one (about a 4 mile round trip).  He drove to the milkbar to get the paper, then to the bakery, got the sponge, back in the car to come home, and it must have taken him 10 minutes to get his breathe back. He has been good all day albeit exhausted after his outing and 2 lots of visitors. the ones we were expecting stayed maybe 2 hours, had only been gone 5 minutes when the doorbell rang.  A friend had called in to see how he is going.  He said he felt like fish and scallops for tea, so takeaway for him tonight which he ate and enjoyed...what a feast he has had today, an apricot danish for breakfast, tinned spaghetti for lunch, cake for afternoon tea and fish and scallops.  Once he was settled watching tv I finally went to the movies tonight. Thoroughly enjoyed it.  As to the window cleaning saga, Yes, we all do it.  I did a couple of weeks ago, and I can't even remember now what I lost it over.  8.30 in the morning I'd just got up and ended up throwing on some clothes going to Mcdonald's getting a coffee and driving to the lake and calmed down, but prior to leaving had really given Neil a dressing down.  The palliative nurse that we usually see doesn't work on a Monday, so this particular day we had a different one, when she arrived she was expecting to see us both and Neil told her I was rather hostile this morning.  The following Monday when the same nurse came, Neil let me sleep but she made a point of asking him how I was.  I had to laugh.  So, yes we all do it. Luckily for Neil it doesn't happen too often as there is only him or cats  that are here to cop it.  I love how your hubby had forgotten how to turn the grill on.  Also loved your caravanning experience.  They are great memories.  Busy day tomorrow, palliative nurse early, then I'll prepare tea, get it in the crock pot, then nail appointment for me, then Neil's hearing appt, where hopefully he will get his hearing aides, then hydrotherapy for me tomorrow evening.  Our temperature here is worse at the moment, although we are still in winter for a few more days, our top today was 12 and it's dropping to about 5 overnight, and I have a cat keeping my lap warm.  Bed time soon, so take care and keep warm.  Till tomorrow xx

Where is my post ?

Hi Merino, 

I'm not sure what post you are referring to but you can look for previous posts you've made on this discussion by clicking on the blue page numbers near the bottom of the screen.  

Alternatively, you can go to your profile - just click on your name in the blue bar above (where you sign in) and the option 'view profile' - and choose the 'replies' section to look at, and access, the list of posts you've made on this discussion.

I hope this helps but if you have any problems just let me know and I'll find another way to get you there :)

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Nope can't find it ?

Hi Carol,  Yay, Neil has hearing aids, he can hear now, that means I now have to lower my voice... I have spent years getting louder and louder.  I've got worse since Neil has been home all the time.  Neil is still doing well and home nursing has stopped daily visits for now, and the palliative nurse won't be back until Thursday, the day after his next chemo.  I had my 7 month old grandson Eli for a little while this afternoon, and will have him tomorrow afternoon,  Tuesday afternoon is my usual day to have him while his mother (our youngest) is at work,  I made a really delicious Moroccan chicken casserole this morning, which Neil wouldn't eat.  He decided he wanted a bacon/cheese and onioln roll.  Maybe tomorrow he will try some.  My girlfriend/Neil's cousin called in this afternoon, she only arrived back in Aus on Saturday after 6 weeks spent in the UK.  She loved it and is making plans already to go back.  I must admit all her photos were gorgeous.  She was full of praise for drivers in the UK, so courteous on the roads unlike drivers here.  Red or white wine Carol?.. I'm partial to a nice drop of red.  But usually won't open a bottle unless there is someone else here to have some with me.  Neil could do with some new clothes, you could almost fit two of him in most of his. He has lost 30 kilos, everytime his mother sees him she asks what I'm feeding him, or that I should be looking after him better...grrr... we don't see eye to eye.  Best go and put clothes in the dryer, and get somewhere warmer, it's cold in here tonight, I always have a couple of windows open a little but the breeze is coming in tonight and the study is cold, just not warming up in here despite the fire going and the rest of the house being warm.  Take care..See you tomorrow xx