Probably because I don't know how!  Give me a clue what to do. Caz

Our day has been pretty normal and Sunday's excess drink has passed.  Zumba this morning but a new teacher is there doing ballet moves, so we all stand and grudgingly follow her wishing Kimberly would take over!  I get ready to go out and hubby takes us all. Two bottles of wine later none of us can work the bill out between five and keep ending up with too much money, leaving a ridiculous amount for a tip.  So we re calculated and still got it wrong and two of us worked for Barclays Bank!!   Mary is joining me for zumba tomorrow , she doesn't move fast at any time so I hope she keeps up.  I'm really tired now so I'm off to bed, tomorrow is another day.

This blinking toe will not heal and is causing trouble.  I leave him in bed as sleep has eluded him due to it being sore.  Mary picks me up and we do our class, first time for her but Joe is encouraging her to exercise, she's not greatly impressed but 8ver coffee says she will probably come again but I won't hold my breath!  A quick shower and I go to Richmond to see my brother who is under pressure as his main mechanic is on holiday, my brother doesn't believe in holidays, which I'm well aware of having worked along side him for seventeen years!  Off to see Sue, who is in a wheel chair and puppy sitting Luna as everyone else is at work.  I get sloppy kisses (from the Puppy not Sue)  have a cup of tea and drive back home, going round Scotch Corner roundabout twice due to the new layout.  So six sets of traffic lights later I'm heading in the right direction! !!  Hubby is safely ensconced at home as it hurts to put a shoe on, he's in good spirits though, sausage and egg for tea, a quiet night at home.   All is well apart from his blessed toe.  See you tomorrow. 

I'm having major problems signing in at the moment and nearly gave up tonight.   Last night I went to get a drink and hubby said he felt weird and dizzy.  Things like this worm into my brain and I immediately think of the worse case scenario .  He seems better this morning and has gone for a ride out.  I get lost picking Jean up and go past a guy mowing the lawn three times, so I hop out of the car to ask the way, oh he says I thought you were just posing in your bright red beetle, we laugh even more when it turns out she lives behind his house!  So Teesside Park beckons but neither of us buy anything as we chat about the Isle of White where she has been for six weeks,  one week would be nice I say.  I drop her home, I have a rattle on my car so head for Lookers, the road is shut so I follow the diversion but end up lost in a housing estate and can't find my way out.  So I see an old lady walking her dog and stop. She tells me even the bus drivers have got lost and points me in the right direction,  can I pop in for a cup of tea if I'm still trapped I ask her and she laughs.  Obviously I'm finally back home and a vodka and lime is calling,  stress does that to you

We have to go all round the houses to get to town, but I have stuff to take back to M & S and they completely close in Darlington next weekend.  Mary and I meet and she's not suffering from our exercise class so it's on for next week.  Joe now has to have electric shocks and nerves burnt in his back, not much fun she says.  Hubby and I have some lunch and he turns the new chair round and it makes a horrible noise that shoots through my poorly head.  He pulls a face at me and sys it's not that bad, he gets a verbal onslaught back as this is the ONLY health problem for me and it's painful.  God forbid there's anything wrong with me I say and I can see he's trying to gauge if I'm joking or not. I'm not!  Every day I listen to complaints about his toe, his heel, his leg his painful wrists, I've even cut his dinner up for him and what do I get back in sympathy,  nothing.  So he's cooked his goose today and if he wants feeding he can bloody well go to the fish shop!!  Off to have a calming glass of wine now.xz

He finally calls me at 6.30 pm from the golf club , I'm starving and tell him I've not eaten, so he better get home so we can go for a fish and chip supper.   He's had a good time with Don and Bob, I'm pleased about this as he misses male company,  me wittering on about every day matters really is not scintillating to him!  This morning he says he feels giddy at the top of the stairs, I make  him sit on his stair lift I can't cope with him falling down stairs.  So the food shopping is done, the lawn mowed,  the washing hung out and hubby has been nowhere, he's slept the afternoon away in his comfy chair and just chatted to Faye and the children.   I heard him say his toe was sore but it was his own fault, I'll keep quiet about that!  I think we pretty much have better days lately but the pressure is still there an underlying feeling of all is not as it should be.  I know I lose my rag sometimes but I'm not pussyfooting around him, I'm sure some people must read this blog and think my way of dealing with this is pretty mean but that's me and it would drive him bonkers if I treated him like fine China.   Beef curry for tea, yum.!

I've been bitten badly again after mowing the lawn and it's on scar tissue from calcifications removed from my shoulder and bust.  It hurts like hell  and I was downstairs at 1.30 am trying to get cool and stop the itching, this didn't work so I've found a chemist open,  cortisone cream and a warning to see a GP if the swelling gets worse, oh joy!  The toe is looking worse because he wore tight shoes again, common sense is not in his vocabulary and I'm itching so much I don't voice my opinion on the situation, he ignores it anyway.   Germolene was suggested to me this morning as the man of the house thinks it cures all ills, it's not working on his toe but that's ignored!  So he makes me put some on and within ten minutes I've scratched it all off and no, itt didn't work!  The chemist says antiseptic creams will make it worse, so next time I will take my own counsel.  We're going nowhere as I'm sat with as little o my top half as is decently allowed in your own home. Ella's cardigan is being finished so she can take it on holiday with her, I wish I was having a holiday!!

Hi Caz

Long time no speak.

I usually find with bites that you have to put the opposite on i.e. if the bug has an acid bite then bath it in a strong solution of bicarb or if alkaline then viniger solution. Otherwise its ice cubes in a sandwich bag.

Dont know if these are any good on scar tissue though.

river

Hi River,  thanks for the advice it would be great to know what bit me and if I'd seen it, death would have prevailed the  blasted thing.  I've just plastered it in cortisone cream again despite being told to only use it twice, the nanny state has taken over, If I don't write my blog tomorrow I've succomed to poisoning by cortisone cream! !  How are you doing?   X

I am doing great, had my last check up in June and still all clear, next check up in December. We went on a cruise to Iceland somewhere I always wanted to go.  Amazing place. This was our present for our 40th wedding anniversary.

As my Oncologist said after the first all clear get on with your life and have a holiday so I am following doctors orders !

River x

That's such lovely news for you both .  Well done with the getting on with life.  Our life is pretty much still a day at a time but I'm thrilled when people get the all clear.   Enjoy your holiday. Xx

That's such lovely news for you both .  Well done with the getting on with life.  Our life is pretty much still a day at a time but I'm thrilled when people get the all clear.   Enjoy your holiday. Xx

I'm quite new to this site and I don't come often being from Canada.

I feel like I'm dying slowly, I ''had'' colon cancer stage 4 in ''remission'' now, it all started back in November 2016 due to a occlusion and had to be operated on STAT when I woke up I had a stoma, went trough all the chemio and what have you.

January 2018 was operated on for my heart 5 more stents in me for a total of seven (this was my second operation for the heart). On the 9th of May 2018 a nother operation this time to redo my transit and hot chemio in the abdominal cavity, but I'm at high risk for a relapse.

Early June suprise I got blood in my urine Oncologist wants a coloscopy result...cancer of the bladder.

I'm going to be 62 this month and I'm also Diabetic, thing is I have no illusion of making a full recovery...my day's are counted.

Having a heck of hard time dealing with this.

Hi Merino, not sure if you meant to come onto my daily blog but welcome anyway!   Incurable cancer is hard to live with, I know that as my husband has stage 4 lung cancer.  That's why I write this blog each day. It shows how far we have come and all the things that make life worth living.  Family, friends,  grandchildren good neighbours and love.  Why don't you try to live a day at a time and each day do something that makes you smile.  Even watching the birds and flowers is a blessing .  Have coffee and cake with a friend,  have a chat to a relative, read a good book.  This is how we spend our days.  You've had a tough time of it and I can understand why you feel down.  People are busy with their own lives so sometimes it's up to us to make the first move.  Get in touch with me again if you want to chat.  Carol 

I've had a horrible night, scratching,  hot, itchy and then falling into a deep sleep so by this morning I'm not a happy bunny!  Hubby says I need to see a doctor but I'm telling him that it's fine.  By eleven I give up and get an emergency appointment and feel a real fraud.  So I'm back with 2,000 milligrams of penicillin for five days.  Apparently the insects injected me with poison, then a chemical to stop me bleeding so you can't see where you've been bitten,  they say you learn something new every day, well I have!   Hubby is pretty happy that I took his advice and says I told you so.  It's quite nice that he's looking after me for once, mind it didn't get me out of cooking tea, some things never change.   See you tomorrow 

Hello Carol

It's not that simple you see...I have a son (25 years old) who as OCD obssesive compulsive disorder who's social insertion is still to be made (side note) I live alone with him and I surely won't put his mother on trial here. With that being said I have no friends because I chose to take care of my son and in doing so I had to deal with alll the stigma that surrounds mental illness believe me it ain't easy, is been followed since is tender age and as a father I'm very worried for his future...what will happen if or when I die ?

If I may I find phrases ''like take it one day at the time'' so overated or ciché, please know Caz that I'm not judging you it's only me and my side of things.

My son is on a waiting list for a group home, he's been on it for two years now as for his finance I took care of that.

I'm a simple man of simple needs

With all my respect

Merino

Hi Merino, your first message didn't include this information so I was going off your age as I'm in my sixties also, however  my children are fully  blown adults.   I'm not an expert on giving advice and your problems seem to require more advanced help so I'm sorry for my clichés but that's how I cope and looking ahead for us is not an option because we don't know what the future holds.  I hope you get the help you are seeking. Warmest regards to you.  Carol

The penicillin helps but I get up feeling tired and with a cough.   Mary calls at 9.15 to ask if I want to go to the Metro, I tell her I'm not up to going and she sounds disappointed .  Hubby is pleased I'm feeling better and I can see he's been concerned,  he says he'd be lost without me!  I go to Lookers as I have a knocking under my car but the blessed road isn't finished so I end up going round the houses to get there.   The manager asks what sort of noise and I explained  it's like hitting a drain and metal on metal,  as it's just had a service he asks if I'm just driving down the same drain all the time!  I think he needs to go on a diversity training session on how to deal with women!   An hour later he comes back with his tail between his legs as a bush has snapped under the wheel and this is causing metal on metal contact,  I give him one of my famous "looks" and it's booked in.  Faye texts me can she come home next week before they go on holiday?  Hubby sighs and says yes but it just seems like they've all gone home!  He's asleep now gathering strength for them arriving, me I'm on the sofa and sleep is beckoning

Hi there Carol; I vanished for a few days because I was invited to visit a friend who used to walk his dog in the park before he and his wife moved away.  Lovely to have a little break.  I hope you are feeling better.  Another dog walker friend who is an ambulance driver/training to be a paramedic looked at my leg and told me it was badly infected and the doctor needed to do something about it; so I told my GP this and finally got a prescription for penicillin; after 24 hours I started to vomit - don't know why as I have had pencillin before - and they had to change the prerscription.  I cannot have hydrotherapy until the infection has cleared up so it's a bit of a stalemate situation at the moment. I think (the operative word is think) the leg is starting to improve so am so hopeful that this is the beginning of the end of a grotty summer.  Anyway, feeling now that I might be on the mend I spent the afternoon (a) walking the dog on a lengthy walk; (b) mowed the lawn and weeded the  garden - not long ago dandelions appeared to be taking over the world and many rooted in my garden; (c) cooking dinner.  When I took some dinner up to Paul who was lying on bed watching TV as he wasn't feeling too good he said "I thought you had been asleep all afternoon".   Huh.

Hello Merino; I am sorry you are going through such an awful time and also worrying about your son.  I don't know much about services available in Canada but worry and sorrow are the same anywhere.  I cannot offhand think of anyone in an exact same position as yourself but I have read posts from single parents who have a terminal illness and are worrying a great deal about what will happen to their children.  If you take a look at the posts you may find someone whose situation bears some resemblance to yours and you could perhaps share your worries.  I will take a look on the main forum also - many posts come in every day - to see if I can find someone if you would like me to do so.  Annie

Hi ANNIE,  so sorry about your foot, sounds like the doctor wasn't really interested.   It's nice you've had a break, I did miss your messages but knew you were helping others.  I'm not sure how Merino ended up on my site but it's all a little negative for me, I know people have problems but everything suggested is then thrown back at you with another one!!  Faye is coming home next week before they go to Great Yarmouth so I've been out buying unicorn swimming costumes and Converse baseball caps.  Clever Grandma finding a unicorn cossie so late in the summer.   Ella will be thrilled with it.  Zumba was hard this morning as I'm still suffering from this nasty bite.  There was a right ruccous last night at midnight,  boys were shouting and screaming in the lane that is a nature walk but then they jumped over the eight foot fence onto Maureen's car roof.  She set the dog on them and they did a runner and we live in a quiet culture de sac.  Where was the helicopter then!!  Putting tea on now, I couldn't be bothered to cook so it's M & S steak pie.  Xx

Hi Carol, Have just read through some of your posts,  Gave me a good laugh, which never goes astray. Loved your dealings getting the car sorted out and you giving him the "LOOK"  Neil and I have that type of thing with our car... I say I can hear something that doesn't sound right.. His response.. "What, I can't hear anything."  Keep in mind he's almost deaf, but if he can't hear anything, there's nothing wrong  Rang palliative care tonight for Neil, He's ok.. just effects of chemo..  He's not keeping much down at all...and I made him a lovely pot of soup to have, thinking he might enjoy it, but no, he preferred the 3 dry ritz crackers.  He seems to be asleep now and settled for the night.  I'm guessing I'll be having bacon and veggie soup again tomorrow.  Hope all is well with you.  Best go get the dishes done, and then to bed for me too...Another early start tomorrow.  Take care.. Sue