I go to zumba,  comeback happy and hubby has really swollen hands,  I suggest we make an appointment to see the GP but this is shouted down by him, so I say don't  shout at me and walk away, he's still trying to explain to me what is wrong,  but I've  already gone and his words waft in the air  I was going to suggest we have a ride out but he can't hold the steering wheel and I won't  drive because he is a back seat passenger,  so I'm having a quiet afternoon at home,  tea is an all ready made shepherds pie so feet up,TV on and my own company is more pleasant than his.  I know it's painful and frustrating but I have to take care of myself as well.  See you tomorrow. X

He thinks he still has a bladder infection so I'm up at 7.30 am to go to the surgery, the Doctor will call you they say, before lunch, well that hasn't happened!  His hands and neck are so painful I go on line and look it up and apparently it's part of lung cancer, the body is responding to the tumour and the symptons are exactly as hubby has.  What does it mean, is he getting worse?  My dedicated Mc Millan nurses have not been there for me, and I feel I have no rapport with them, so I'm loath to discuss problems with them, he wouldn't take  any notice of them because he feels let down by the lack of contact.   We  have a ride out to buy bird food and call in at The Fox Hole near Piercebridge to have a drink in the garden and check it out.  It's beautifully renovated and we are impressed so we book Sunday lunch for bank holiday weekend for us two.  We just arrive home and Alfie face times us to sponsor him for a run he's doing for the N.S.P.C.C. and we end up talking to Faye who wants to come home for half term.   Hubby tries to say it's too much for her but she's having none of it, not realising he means too much for him!  How can you refuse to let them come home, she wants to see Dad and the kids want to see us.  So we give in and say OK.  M &S steak pie and new potatoes for tea and a maybe a glass of wine or two for me.  Take care xx

Oh hello again; I am so pleased to be able to contact you.  I was away for a while - not quite the time away we had planned but still nice - and I was unwell for a short while.  I forgot your user name and I couldn't find you anywhere.  It was only when I came across somebody I had chatted to earlier and read her posts that I saw your name and thought "Great".   Even after this short time your life seems to have ratcheted up a notch stress-wise or am I wrong (I hope I am).  Well, at least we are getting a bit of summer now; the garden - such as it is - suddenly went whoosh and some plants would take over if not controlled.

Good to be back reading your daily posts.  Annie

Hi  ANNIE,  I thought I had lost you  I'm sorry you've been unwell and hope your break gave you some relief from everyday problems.  The stress levels are not too bad but when your partner is constantly unwell it's hard to stay focused.  I try hard to have some time to myself most days and good friends to back me up.  It's hard for Norman, because he is in most days and relies on me to keep him company.   We're not  doing too badly but I write my blog as I feel it, no point in pretending all is well,  this is a life controlled by cancerr,  I don't expect it to be wine and Roses,  well I may be missing the roses but the wine definitely comes in handylovely to hear from you , don't forget me!xx

I've  arranged to meet Margaret, pick her up and drive to town.  I've seen a new coffee shop so we head there.  Trouble is there are only three tables, who opens a cafe with three tabkes  So we can't get in, never mind I say there's a vintage tea rooms in Clarks yard so we head there.  Only us as customers so we hog a table for an hour, she's a lot better after her hernia op.  I come home and hubby is happy, having spent a chatty hour on the phone with our younger daughter.   His hands have gone down in size and his neck is a little better, so a better day.  I mow the lawn, get the strimmer out and promptly churn up the new grouting, argh.   I check to see if he's noticed, grab the Broom and quickly sweep it up, oh well it lasted a week!  Quick food shop tomorrow and then the Royal wedding .  Enjoy your weekend all of you. Xx

Hi Caz. I too watched the wedding. Beautiful but I kept thinking of our lovely Diana. She would have been so proud today. Both lovely boys bless them. I wish them a long healthy and happy life. I like you nursed my lovely husband of 47 years with cancer. I lost him 12 years ago but miss him every hour of every day. Never in my worst nightmares would I have thought I would be diagnosed these years later. Like you say you are so full of love and hope at the start. Someone said to me once yes it's heartbreaking to lose them but wonderful and lucky to have found your soul mate and had all those years together. I thank god for my three wonderful daughters and my six loving grandkids. These are hard days for you I know. Sending you lots of hugs. Keep raising a glass or two.xxx

I bet it is a relief to the people I badgered to try to find you - when you cannot remember the user name it is a bit of a hopeless cause!  I watched the start of the wedding today - beautifully simple dress - she of course knows how to appear well on screen as well as in life.  We went out for the afternoon to a little pub/cafe/restaurant on a nearby common and just sat and enjoyed the sun.

I suppose it is a good thing that we don't know what life has in store for us; the good is great and makes the bad when it comes so much worse.  Although I sometimes despair of what is happening in the world I have to remember that most people are good and caring and it is the bad thigns that make the most noise - and cause so much pain. 

On a happier note, it was a lovely day for the wedding and for everyone sitting in the sun.  Annie

Thank you ladies for your lovely memories and kind thoughts, as we three have said it was a glorious day of love and a beautiful wedding.  Obviously we are all older and have had our days in the sun, but we all wish for more when we realise we may lose the one we love.  Daughter's and grand children are a blessing and mine are coming for half term.  Faye asked if they should stay somewhere else but I said no, we will cope, If it gets too much we will go out and leave him in peace.   He's not good today,  he has struggled to get out of the bath and although he wanted to have a drive out, the energy is not there,  so only having been downstairs since noon he's asleep in his chair.  I said I didn't mind staying home as long as we  are here together.  I feel a little down today as I know all is not well but I am keeping calm and not letting it show, hubby is struggling with his own emotions,  he doesn't need mine to add to his burden.  I'm glad the weather was good, especially for all who celebrated the wedding in style.. Love to you all  xx

Having spent all weekend on edge I CALL THE SURGERY AT 8.00 am and am numer  fifty in the queue.   I make tea, get washed and by half eight I'm through to the reception . Appointment for ten am.  I alter the cleaners time, sort the bedding out, make more tea for tablets to be taken and off we go.  Dr Hardy a young pretty Doctor asks him what's wrong, he explains but adds it may be self inflicted as he payed golf last week and then he laughs.  You could have knocked me down with a feather!  He then tells her he isn't taking folic acid, should he be.  I bought you some, yes but I've not taken them because they are a different dosage, but the chemist said they were fine and I told you that, he shrugs and   I shut up, we come home none the wiser, the surgery ring us half an hour later, you've got a bladder infection,  can you collect a prescription !!  I literally am losing the plot, then he tells me he knew  he had an infection but I said he was OK, when I went to the surgery with the sample, no I did not, I say!!  A few angry words later he suggests we have a ride out.  Really!  But It's such a gorgeous day I swallow the hurt and  agree.  We go to Eggleston HALL GARDENS AND HAVE LUNCH AND COFFEE,  A ride back through all the country villages, the hawthorn  trees full of blossom and the clematis climbing over walls everywhere, my crossness  fades away and we arrive home happy and full.  Garden watered, new squirrel free nut and fat balls containers hung and my new non melt candles (I. e fake) placed in my outdoor lanterns and he's asleep in the conservatory.   Let's see how tomorrow goes. Xx