Faye face times us but she looks tired and downtrodden.  I'm not sure what is wrong but she loves her Dad and I think these constant infections and not being near us is getting her down. It's  bad enough for me but I can see first hand the truth of the matter.   By ten thirty hubby says he doesn't feel at all well and looks grey, worn out and unhealthy.   I go to bed but chew the inside of my mouth, my tongue and wake up hot and sore.  It's a beautiful day again so we decide to have a drive out but by the time he has had a bath, I've patched him up again and he's had tea and toast and three million tablets we're  both past it!,  The new bench can wait til he feels better and my lovely Lady Gardener is coming to clean the patio tomorrow so there is no rush.  Life goes on as normal despite what you are going through.  It's over a year now since he was diagnosed and care and love have kept him with us I hope we have many more months left.  See you tomorrow 

Hello again.  I didn't mean to disappear so suddenly; I had a week's break planned from 14th April but earlier in the week injured my back and - to cut a long story short - got help to get us down to Somerset a bit early anda  larger house party than originally intended.  It was all very nice however especially when the weather started to improve. 

Sorry that hubby has been struggling (and so I imagine have you) but hope things are not as dire as your worst fears.  Middle of the night is awful, as you say.    Difficult for all concerned; you are a strong lady but there are limits to how much you can take.  Annie

Hi ANNIE,  glad you had a marvellous time and brilliant you had good weather.  I would love a break but it's  not looking promising.   I did wonder where you were!  Hope your back is better soon. Xx

I sleep like a log due to all the fresh air yesterday and for once wake up feeling refreshed.   Hubby has stopped coughing in the night which is a big help to us both, sleep is a necessary when you are ill or coping with a partner who is unwell.  I do y zumba class, come home and get ready to go to Stockton garden centre.   Hubby is going to try some golf but within an hour it is raining and cold.  I look at benches, take photo's to look on line for simular.  I queue for cake and coffee but it's so busy I give up, buy two begonias and go back to my car. Since parking a great big a Over lander and a four by four have parked either side of me, I struggle to get in the car as I have a three door Beetle and they haven't left me much room.  Cursing and swearing I then can't get out as cars have parked behind me, I don't think I have ever done an eight point manoeuvre in my life but this is what it took to reverse out!!  I'm back home safe and sound and hubby got to Richmond, turned round and came back, so not a good day for either of us.  See you tomorrow. 

I take a cup of tea into hubby and there is no response,  we are in for a bad day.  I am off to get my colour done as I had to cancel the original appointment and am being cut and coloured in relay format.  As I leave he looks fed up, worn out and depressed and I feel that the last fourteen months of pain and treatment have got us precisely nowhere.  However I hear from a friend on this website who was in the same position as we are but her hubby didn't make it, so I make a resolution to be patient and understanding and he tells me he is worried about this bladder infection as it is not going away and he feels exhausted.   He's  asleep now and I don't really know how to deal with this as it is not cancer related but his immune system is not up to fighting it.  I get my hair done and say I feel better having my usual colour back,  then laugh as I say, well my false real colour!   I plant the begonias I bought yesterday and they look bright and chirpy in their tub, the birds are nesting and there is a cacophony of birds  cheeping as soon as anyone gets near the nest.  They are so colourful and tiny and you wonder how they survive.  A new garden bench is being ordered and if the north easterly winds subside we may get to sit out.  See you tomorrow 

Hi Caz. Sorry hubby not so well. Let's hope the weather gets a little warmer and maybe he can sit outside on your new bench and enjoy the sunshine. Good to get your hair done. Makes you feel better. I'm going for Pet scan on Monday in Stoke and then beginning Chemo on Tuesday. Will lose my hair they say so going to get appointment for wig. Really worried but trying to stay positive. Wish my lovely husband was here. He was much braver than me. Going to buy some geraniums and have set my sweet peas . Love my garden. Find it's very healing. Love and hugs to you xx

So nice to hear your news and I'll keep my fingers crossed for good news on the scan front.  I love my garden and if it's nice I'm out there.  Nature cheers you up and seeing what you planted still makes me smile,tulips with double heads, sweet peas that smell delightful and Roses starting to rapidly sprout and then bud.  How clever is nature, we think we know best, but nature beats us all.  Hugs to you and keep in touch. Xx

Hubby sleeps for over two hours and I can hear his chest squeaking as he breathes in and out.  I keep checking him and wonder if this is a sign of more than a bladder infection.  I wake him up as it's getting cold and he keeps getting a stiff neck if he sleeps too long.   Today he says he is no better so I call our GP and I'm just off to collect more antibiotics.   I have had an hour in the garden having bought a new pot and compost and it looks lovely, the sun is shining, we have two robins, one fat one slim (bit like me and hubby, just had to buy extra large underpants for him!)  My lovely neighbour is back from Devon and has mowed the front lawn and chopped the hedge back for me.  What would we do without good friends, I would be lost.  I ring Mary as she had a minor op yesterday but there's no reply so I hope all is well.  The wind is still biting but if its  sunny I can cope.   See you tomorrow 

Mary asks me to meet her in town but I don't want to leave hubby alone,he is shaky and tired so I stay home.  We have a leisurely morning and then drive to Piercebridge and buy fat balls more lawn repair and he actually makes it into the shop.  We then decide to have a ride out and head for Barnard Castle where we have a bag of chips each and watch the world go by.  Hubby seems a lot better and we hope the antibiotics are kicking in.  Back home we have tea and walnut cake and after a really healthy diet say we don't want any tea, great no cooking today! ! Lisa calls and tells us that it's freezing in Surrey as well and she's actually thinking of putting the heating on, it must be cold because there's no heating on when I stay!!  Anyway friends are travelling down from Scotland next weekend and they are all booked in for a sleep over in the Dinosaur museum, how exciting is that for two  seven year old boys and how sscary!   So feet up and a glass of wine and I feel happier knowing hubby is on the mend.  Xx