Probably because I don't know how!  Give me a clue what to do. Caz

Oh my God, it's 3.5  degrees and snowing rain!!  Hubby has a cough but assures me it's just a morning cough, I choose to believe him.  Norman next door pops in and hangs my Mother's day gift for me, hubby is stuck on his chair lift as it's playing silly beggars again, so he laughs as he watches him going up and down just like the old comedy  Are You Being Served.  He finally makes it, so I abandon him and go food shopping, it's amazing how many things children need.  I arrive home frozen and we both decide to stay in, a sensible decision,  I think we may get pneumonia if we venture out!!  So family arriving tomorrow , all being well, we are very excited.   X

I thought I would write this before the family arrive.  I told my daughter a week ago What time dinner Was booked for and never a word was said until last night when she grumbles about having to call in a Wetherby to see Mum in law and it's going to be a rush.  These are the things that upset me, people forget what you are dealing with on a daily basis and because we don't moan or complain (`our age group)  our stresses are forgotten.  So this morning I drive to the Pub, call in and alter the time, they don't do egg free ice cream so I go to the shop and buy some plus mini chocolate eggs for Ella's dessert,  get the papers and come home.  I drag the mattress out and make her bed because I know Mummy will try and sleep in the bunk beds with her!!  All this for a one day visit!!  Anyway I'm sure we will have a good time and we both feel a lot better today after our week of colds.  So enjoy your Easter everyone and stay strong. Xx

Our nearest and dearest do have a tendency to assume that we love them so dearly that we don't mind having our well-laid plans overturned.  Regularly.  And we do love them so we fall in with them - not that we are given much choice in the matter!  Have just come in from cleaning the dog's toilet, sometimes known as the lawn.  It really needs to be cut; but it's too cold today and I tell myself I had better finish the course of antibiotics I have been given for a chest infection before I do anything that I really don't want to do.  I'll take Muffin for a walk in the park so he can run round with his doggy friends and that will be my effort for the day.  Hope that hubby's cough is not so bad now and that you enjoy your meal out.  Annie

Hi ANNIE,  it's been freezing here to the point we couldn't go out.  So we have just eaten chocolate, played shops and other games with Ella.  Hubby has enjoyed it but loses patience easily.  Just tidied up a little bit as Emma is here tomorrow and she can help me.  That's the problem with dogs you have to walk them!,.xx

Well that's been an exhausting 48 hours!  Daughter arrived at one thirty after I'd altered everything but we went at 4pm as everyone was hungry.   We had a lovely lunch and I was glad that we ate out, the children really enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere.   Ella slept all night as I used the old fashioned method of tucking her in with blankets and she never moved!!  Hubby is still lacking patience but played cards with Alfie, he is coughing again and letting me know every five minutes that he is "steaming".  Why can't men suffer quietly with colds, I don't think I moaned as much when I had the children! !  So I wave everyone off and go to the chemist to get him some cold medication.   My daughter kept asking him to turn the TV down and he told her the story of his friend who couldn't cope with hearing aids.  I told her he'll not do anything about it so she suggests I wear ear plugs, that should go down well!!  I think he's relieved they've gone but won't admit it.  The weather was atrocious so we've been stuck in, this makes it hard work,  Ella is so happy to be hear she just wants to play with me.   I'm pretty tired now and think I'll probably nod off on the sofa, bliss, chocolates and sleep.   See you tomorrow .

Hubby has a cold and is letting me know with every sniff and cough how much he is "suffering " .  Considering how much he's been through it amazes me that he can let a man cold upset him so much.  Every sniffle is followed by a groan every cough by an exaggerated throaty grumble, I could merrily throttle him!!  He is still up at 11.00 pm as I go to bed and I get the look when I suggest he would be better off in bed.  I am so tired I sleep until 9.00 am and Emma is arriving soon, I make him get up, if he wants to stay up late then he can get up early!!  I know he has cancer but this cold is JUST a cold, so not a lot of sympathy from a busy housewife.  I think he gets the message as he is making his own cups of tea and toast, whilst we put the house back together! !  Ink on the bedroom carpet, chocolate kisses on my clothes and teddies hiding under beds plus a bathroom floor that is like a skating rink after she threw the soap all over the floor.  We have no shampoo left as Ella decided the bath toys needed washing, I left her for thirty seconds getting her pyjamas and came back to a suds fest.  I had to empty the bath to get her out as it was so slippery.   How can a Diddy five year old cause so much mess?  Welcome to my world my daughter says!  So back to normal, I think new bathroom flooring is my next job before one of us breaks our necks. X

Well, two days on and we are back to being up at 3.00 am again with a hacking gut wrenching cough, it's  a good job we live in a detached house because any neighbours would be suffering with us.  So I tell him I'm not messing around and call the Doctor.  I must admit that ad he had cancer there is never any procrastinating about can we get to the surgery and by 9.30 am the Doctor arrives with a junior doctor in tow. We like this Doctor as he was the one that finally did something after five chest x rays and basically has given us more time together. Hubby has a crackle on his lung so I go for antibiotics and steroids, the chemist greets meet like a friend as I have spent so much time and money in  there!  It's a glorious cold day but I'm too tired to take advantage of it.  Lisa telephones as she is off to New York tomorrow but we keep quiet about his state of health, we will also not tell Faye as she is off on holiday as well.  We will keep our own counsel as it is not life threatening (I hope) so they don't need to know.  It's hard living like this as you are basically not being truthful with people but it's the state of play we are at, so it has to be.  Another week will be lost as it always takes that long for him to feel a little better, it's upsetting to hear the hacking cough but I know there will be worse to come in the future. I'm not feeling down, I think I have accepted the status quo and I am not fighting it. See you tomorrow. 

B....y screen has just done it again.  I typed an average size post and suddenly it has gone - abracadabra!

A good doctor is worth his or her weight in gold.    Ours are so overworked it is desperately hard to get an appointment; you have to start ringing just before the surgery opens; you get the engaged tone and just have to keep ringing until you get to the point where firstly you get through and a message tells you that you are, I don't know, fifth, sixth or seventh in the queue.  If you don't get through at this first point in the day then you won't get an appointment at all. 

Anyway, I do hope that the weather improves in your neck of the woods; it is about time that we had a bit of sunshine and warmth.  Hope hubby is feeling better and that you are coping - you are doing such a hard job and doing it so well.  Annie

Thanks Annie, it's hard.  I've just come out of the kitchen as his harsh cough is literally hurting my ears.  I have a terrible headache through lack of sleep and am now not going out tonight to a fashion show.  It's a beautiful day and I've just popped in to my neighbours to see their new bedroom.  Apparently it's due to rain again this weekend,  oh joy

Hi Caz,

Chat mode again, no criticism implied.

My Mrs is the same, little sympathy for 'ordinary illnesses'. Another perspective though is that it can be a little different for the cancer patient themself.

For me there are 3 basic states - feeling good, which happens occasionally for short periods, sometimes of only a few minutes; feeling cr*p, which happens more often and generally for longer periods; and neutral. Most of my life is spent at just below neutral. Today for a fair few hours, it was slightly above neutral. I put myself on antibiotics and steroids a couple of days ago to stave off a chest infection that was just possibly beginning. Only got over a previous one a couple of weeks ago after two lots of similar meds.

Now it's on record that I don't care about having cancer and bags and COPD and . . . but, being ill for a long time, especially when for some of the time it's really serious illness, makes every ache and pain, sniffle or cough, something of potential importance. A reluctance to take a bad case of toilet issues seriously enough, nearly led to my death.

An issue for me, occasionally, is the belief that people are insisting I'm better and should be doing this or that, or believing that people think I'm over-egging the figgie duff. Luckily these feelings are fleeting but they're the things that get me as angry as I ever get. Which isn't very.

As I say, I'm not being critical in any way, it's just what your post triggered in my cognitively dysfunctional brain.

Best Regards

Taff

Hi Caz,

Chat mode again, no criticism implied.

My Mrs is the same, little sympathy for 'ordinary illnesses'. Another perspective though is that it can be a little different for the cancer patient themself.

For me there are 3 basic states - feeling good, which happens occasionally for short periods, sometimes of only a few minutes; feeling cr*p, which happens more often and generally for longer periods; and neutral. Most of my life is spent at just below neutral. Today for a fair few hours, it was slightly above neutral. I put myself on antibiotics and steroids a couple of days ago to stave off a chest infection that was just possibly beginning. Only got over a previous one a couple of weeks ago after two lots of similar meds.

Now it's on record that I don't care about having cancer and bags and COPD and . . . but, being ill for a long time, especially when for some of the time it's really serious illness, makes every ache and pain, sniffle or cough, something of potential importance. A reluctance to take a bad case of toilet issues seriously enough, nearly led to my death.

An issue for me, occasionally, is the belief that people are insisting I'm better and should be doing this or that, or believing that people think I'm over-egging the figgie duff. Luckily these feelings are fleeting but they're the things that get me as angry as I ever get. Which isn't very.

As I say, I'm not being critical in any way, it's just what your post triggered in my cognitively dysfunctional brain.

Best Regards

Taff

Hi Taff, I understand what you mean but from a carer's point of view living with illness everyday is hard.  You have to remember my blog is written from my perspective as a wife living with terminal cancer.  Hubby has always been a bad patient when he has had a man cold since we were going out!!  The only way to deal with it was to ignore him, this usually worked.  I was wrong this time as he had a chest infection but not being a nurse I didn't know!!  So you take care and look after both of you.  Caz xx

So hubby is back to antibiotics and steroids for the second time in a month,, we ask our GP how long it could take for his immune system to get better, about two years he reckons, we both look at each other, has he got two years?  A better nights sleep but a coughing fit at the usual 3.00 am slot. I'm so tired I wake up, hear him and immediately fall back to sleep!  I have given up on the tooth brace due to my sore throat so today I have blisters from chewing the inside of my mouth and toothache again.  I think I'm going to have to try it again tonight.   Hubby looks better which is good because Faye wants to face time us from the Isle of White.  I have popped into town to pick up some sheepskin slippers, as I don't normally wear slippers hubby says I look like a proper Grandma, I just need a headscarf and a woodbine *** he says to look like a proper Northern granny! !  As I'm from the South originally this is always a huge joke with him!  So slippers on a kit kat and a cup of coffee and we're done for the day.xx

I think carers have the hardest part. All I can say is that I, for one, appreciate it.

Taff

Thanks Taff.

Well I'm seriously thinking about building an ark and floating away!  This global warming has a lot to answer for, are we going to end up like the polar bears, but hopping from puddle to puddle instead of ice floes.  I was thinking about getting some summer clothes out from their jiffy bags but looking out the window they're safer where they are.  Hubby slept better but again we are stuck at home as it's too wet to venture out .  I popped to Sainsbury for some groceries as tackling Tesco car park in this weather is a suicide mission.  We have received some photos of the children on the Isle of White and the sky is blue!  Lisa sent one of her and Harry setting off for New York and he has a tooth missing, he looked so cheeky.  I miss not seeing them as often as I want and I pray that by the summer I may have a little more freedom to see them. See you tomorrow .

MEN.  I am of the opinion their Mother's brought them up minus the common sense gene!  I bought hubby new shoes due to his others looking like we had got them out the skip.  Same shoes were sourced but the stitching was coming loose so I returned them, ordered new ones (not in stock), as he wasn't going out I said stay in slippers.   But no, he decided to wear the ones that caused his toe to be sore and lo and behold this morning he has an open wound again.  I drive to Darlington and buy shoes in a larger size just to keep him going.  His cough is subsiding but we stay home and watch the Grand Prix.  I cook brisket for tea but it's as tough as old boots, so I ring the fish shop, it's  shut, so we've gone from Sunday lunch to bacon sandwiches! !  A blood test tomorrow to see if his blood count is climbing, I think it is as he actually has colour in his cheeks  see you tomorrow x

The sun is shining, I had forgotten what it looked like.  Hubby has a blood appointment and my neighbour calls round for the rat trap, he checks that there's none in it as hubby never bothered!   I ask him to fix a couple of mini jobs that requires a screw driver and when hubby returns I know he's not happy that he couldn't do these jobs himself,  so I tell him that being cross gets us nowhere and he bucks up.  So he takes off to Richmond and I spend two hours trying to clean the garden up.  Everything is wet, muddy and covered in green algae. Apparently it's going to pour down tomorrow so needs must.  I have managed to cook meat he can chew tonight and as I'm out tomorrow night for a meal, I've doubled up, must keep pumping red meat into him, well that's my excuse.   X

So today it's sleetimg rain and 7 degrees again, I think about staying in my dressing gown but get ready to brave the wind and rain to do zumba.   Before I go I have to bandage his heel which looks pretty bad and back to his bum, due to sitting in one position for five hours two days running whilst watching the golf Open! !  I am buying new breakfast chairs tomorrow as he has flattened the cushions on the ones we have.  Hubby came back yesterday from his golf club full of the joys of spring,  he had managed to climb,on and off his buggy with his new leg and actually knocked some balls about. If the weather gets better he can spend hours up there,  getting fresh air and seeing friends.   The winter has not been kind to us and we need some sunshine.   I'm braving the weather tonight to go out, I hope it's worth it!   

Hi Caz,

Weird. Same day  I overheard my wife and son talking about a leak in the kitchen, from an outside tap addition I'd recently tried to repair.

I flashed and got so angry I was shaking, not because I was being blamed but because I felt I was and it would be impossible to effect a repair, with me in the state I'm in. Over in seconds but it put herself in a mood for hours and gave me low mood for the rest of the day.

And the thing is, it was completely uncalled for, did no good and I don't generally get angry. Weird about the low mood as well - I wasn't pondering on any of it, didn't think about it again, just low mood because I'd got angry.

Such exaggerated emotion over nothing - it's a ***.

Hi Caz. I read your post every day. You are so strong and an inspiration. I know how hard it is caring for your other half. I lost my lovely husband 12 years ago with oesophageal cancer and nursed him through it . It's awful seeing the someone you love going through it. Wears you down too. Now I've been diagnosed with non hodgkin lymphoma and had radiotherapy and reading your posts really cheer me up. I look forward to reading it every day. Lots of hugs xxx