Hubby had a funny turn last night.  He had looked at me weirdly yesterday morning as If I was from another plamet (being a woman, probably debatable! ).  I had asked him if I was dressed funny but apparently not!!  So at ten last night he said he felt weird as if his brain had something in it that he couldn't pin point.   He then promptly threw a half glass of Stella all overy my newly polished, hoovered kitchen,  which I then stood in and skidded across the kitchen floor, It took e nearly half and hour to clean up, wash the rug, clean the tiled floor and wash my feet.  I wished I had hindsight about his weird feelings.   I went to bed and by half eleven I could hear the stair lift beeping (this drives me mad, I feel like a cat caught in a cat scarer.) I get out of bed and he's at the bottom of the stairs pushing the control constantly.   I end up having to switch it off, back on again, sit on it, see if it works but it's having none of it.  We now have a situation where he can't get up and it's pointless me going down.  He eventually hauls himself up one stair at a time and we finally get into bed a midnight.  Life is so hard sometimes I want to sream! Anyway I go for my blood pressure test and after three goes they are happy, at least something has gone according to plan, I'm then stabbed with a needle to test my kidneys (unexpected  by the way), so I don't have to go back for a year, at least that saves me time!see you tomorrow. Xx

Hello caz; this is all a bit unsettling for you.  Has your husband had these funny turns before?  You need to look out for yourself, you could have hurt yourself skating around the kitchen floor.  You sounded a bit down yesterday - and with good reason as things you used to love doing together are slipping away from you.  I am so pleased you are telling us the tale as it unfolds.  Is the stair lift now working normally?  Good that your tests are okay.  When you say you wre stabbed in your kidneys unexpectedly I had a vision of a doctor creeping up on you, needle in hand, while someone else distracted you!   Annie

Hi ANNIE,  life is ups and downs with this cancer,  so some days are better than others.  I write as I feel so it's  an honest blog! The stair lift worked this morning but is a bit like us it has its dodgy days. My stabbing was in the arm, but no one had mentioned it before I went!  I hate having bloods done so there may have been a plan by the nurse.  Last time I fainted, threw up and had to get a friend to fetch me as they wouldn't let me drive home!  It's  nice to hear from you, keep it up.  Love Carol 

Hubby has had a bad night , every day is so different,  good one day, bad the next, I think we shall have to get used to this,  I'm not sure if life will ever get back to "normal".  I ask if he is OK to leave so I can get to zumba and he says yes, but I hear him groaning in the bathroom,  this is his private space so I leave him alone.  My friends ask how he is and are happy with our news but understand that it's not over.  Anyway we have a good class, I pay for my afternoon tea 1920 day out and the instructor asks if I have any dietary requirements,  yes I tell her, cake,  cake and more cake!  We all have a laugh at this and air kiss each other goodbye,  proper kissing is banned for me hubby doesn't need their germs.   So back home I tell him it's a lovely day and he needs to go out, so he's just gone to see if the Toffs (the old fogies) have finished their game of golf and have a coffee with them.  Feet up for me as I am going out with friends for a meal tonight,  one has just got back from Thailand and I'm very excited to hear about the trip.  Good friends, food and wine, what more could a girl ask for?!!  See you tomorrow. Xx

Hiya Carol.  I think your blog is great, it just tells it as it comes and I am used to what you are writing being just the plain facts, no exagerrating or diminishing.    You are just showing how you can get used to anything when the need arises!   Bit of a grey day in London, though better than yesterday which was wet and windy so I need to apply myself to doing something useful like getting my back fence (blown down in the winds) sorted.  The bloke who had left a load of bits and pieces in the alleyway between our houses is now working with me and has started clearing his stuff so I have said I will pay some of the costs if he will include my broken fencing and various odds and ends that have been hanging around for ages.  So it may all be fixed soon - although when I say that I know how the best laid plans etc etc.  Onward and upward (for my new fence anyway!).

God luck with the fence and cleaning up.  It's a gorgeous day here although still only 7 degrees.   Happy that you enjoy the blog, honesty is the best policy they say and from comments received it seems to help sufferers and carers understand that they are not alone in the way things happen  with a cancer diagnosis.   Xx

I have a great night out but drink far too much.   The girls say I need to relax after the last months of uncertainty and illness, so like a good friend I obey.  However it comes back to bite me in the night and my sleep is constantly disturbed, I'm  hot , cold feeling sick and regret my abandon.  Anyway I go to my dance class and put as much effort in to sweat it out and it works .  Back home hubby has managed to get his own breakfast and looks rested after a better nights sleep.  The weather is gorgeous so I tell him we will go out after our trip to the charity shop and the tip and he agrees!  So we set off and do a massive round trip via Tees dale and  the surrounding villages, looking at the crocuses and snow drops,  of which there are hundreds.  We drop into Barnard Castle and stop for a bag of chips each at the 149 !fish shop.  We chat away without the television blaring away in the back ground and listen to a good Steve Wright show and remember all the oldies, singing along to them as we go.  I am trying to get him back into going out with friends, as it is his birthday next month I suggest lunch with friends but this is shot down in flames.  He seems scared of having to be in a group of people and I suppose I must accept this for now.  Have other cancer sufferers felt the same?  Is it a lack of confidence after all the treatment and being housebound for so long, I don't know and I feel that all my suggestions at a normal life are brushed to one side.  But we have had a good day and I hope this is a look to the future of how life can be, even though you are living in limbo.  See you tomorrow .

There is no chest infection as he actually takes my advice (WOW) and asks the nurse to check him, she calls the Doctor in who came to the house many times during his bad period, she does chest, oxygen levels and talks to him about folic acid and gives him some suppressant for the night. It doesn't work and we are both awake again in the night, this takes me back to getting up with kids in the night, the only difference is I was forty years younger and could take it!!  The stair lift has broken again so we're waiting for our guy to arrive and then I'm off for a hair cut as the last one was November last year and it's getting a little long,  I could plait it if it gets left any longer.  I popped to see Maggie before she goes on a walking trip in New Zealand on Sunday.   She shows me where they are going and I'm expecting a few sheets of paper, she comes down with a massive file filled to the brim of, times, places,  car hire, how long the walks are, it goes on and on and I don't think my trainee when I worked did as much for her NVQ! !  Maggie is daunted by her hubby's precision and is worried about keeping up on these trails,or getting lost, I suggest she takes toilet roll in her back pack,  just in case and that she may need extra baggage for the file.   We have a good laugh and I kiss her goodbye,  she'll be missing for a month,  well I hope it's only a month.   So I'll sign off until tomorrow.  Xx

Morning Caz,

A tought has occurred to me reading your post today and I wonder if you realise it. You seem to experience 'quality of life', despite all the downs. You're actually out and about, seeing people and doing stuff. Your husband also, although to a moch lower degree.

It will of course be a much changed and maybe diminished quality of life but it's there nonetheless. You certainly do a lot more than me and I think I have quality of life. For me it's all about little things but obviously different people have different wants, needs and expectations. Do you feel you have it? D'you feel you have to strive to have it or need to put effort into it?

Anyway, that was just my first thoughts this morning. Your writing, as ever, speaks to something in all of us, I think. We can all relate. I wish you both well.

Best Regards

Taff