I could undoubtedly say more but it'd end up about me in some way.

I just wanted you to know that your writing expresses clearly what caring's about and speaks to some of us with cancer as well.

Carers - special people.

Thank you Taff.

We have our peaceful day, no phone calls no going out and I do a proper roast dinner for tea which we thoroughly enjoy.  I forbid him to walk anywhere and run around after him like a little geisha girl!  His wound has opened up again due to having a bath and very thin skin.  I stick plasters all over it to help with the pressure and hopefully by tomorrow it will not hurt as much.  My daughter sends a photo of Ella at her joint birthday party in a wonder woman outfit, I wonder if they do them in grown up sizes as I could do with one!!   She has got a barbie doll house, as the parents now put ten pounds in and split the money, so Ella has £100.00 .  Gone are the days of pencil cases and colouring books!  My daughter thinks it's a lot of money and is thrifty like me when it comes to presents  she will always buy in the sale but you can't if it's money she says..  We go back to the surgery and all blood counts are border line low, so we have to wait for next lot to come back to decide on medication to help, at least he doesn't have to get a blood transfusion.   The nurse says I'm doing a good job and will put her out of a job,  I do hope not I say, it was never my aim to be one!! Back home I lug all the paraphernalia into the house and hubby starts sounding his horn, I ignore him as sometimes he hits his knee on the horn, I stay in the house and he beeps again, annoyed I go out and shout at him, you've  locked me in the car he says, oh well best laid plans and all that! !

Well we have had a horrible night.  I was hoping that the cough had subsided, I should have known better.   I had such a busy day yesterday,  catching up with housework as a new cleaner arrives (my usual one has been in a car crash) so I can't leave her as she has never been before.   The house is like a Chinese laundry and it's so cold outside I can't even hang them up or they would freeze.  By 1.45 pm we go to the tip which is packed so I have to carry everything the full length as needless to say the one we want is right at the other end.  Back into town to pay paper bill, run back to car and off to surgery.   Finally home by 2.4pm a and I realise I've had nothing to eat!  So by ten O'clock I go to bed to read.  By two am. The coughing seeps into my brain and I know he's suffering.  I put my dressing gown on and pad along the landing,  he's hurt his toe again by getting it caught under the base of the bed and the nurse has bound it too tightly.   I go down and make a cup of  tea, some paracetamol  (two for me), re dress his toe, rub some more vick on his chest and he snuggles down.  I go back to bed, frozen and my mind in a whirl, is the tumour pressing on his wind pipe again?  I toss and turn and have no idea when I fell asleep.   I am going to ring our Mc Millan nurse in the morning to see when we get a scan, we have been left in limbo and I'm struggling to cope with the uncertainty.   

It's 12.30 dinner time and I am literally on the edge of tears, which is not like me.  I have been awake in the night again,  cough, cough, cough. The alarm goes off at seven am. It's  cold,  wet and miserable and we set off in all the heavy morning traffic, I don't normally feel car sick but today I do.  We arrive at James Cook and I threaten him not to move whilst I get a wheelchair.   I have a book handy and I will not hesitate to use it around his head if he does.  Another two hours sitting in a waiting room hell of legless people and we are back out into the rain,  wheel chair returned and I'm soaking wet.  We get home and he's trod on his toe again, so I run up and down stairs to get plasters,  the new ones get stuck to my thumbs and after three a attempts I revert to the old ones, everything is so difficult.   I feel sorry for myself as my plan was to have a day at the Metro center with Mary, but his comfort comes first.  I've missed zumba again and feel unfit and neglected.  The Mc Millan nurse hasn't rung me back so I'm annoyed  at the lack of communication.   I am going to sit and slob out on the sofa and watch rubbish TV and hope that tomorrow is a better day!

Slobbing has to be done sometimes!

A large glass of red wine has helped! I'm now a warm dry slob

Good for you! I’ve got the joys of talking to a double glazing guy shortly, my back door isn’t very well and needs replacing! My cup runeth over!

As do all of ours!!  He's just told me they've cocked it up again, stuck pie in oven and locked myself in the front room