I was diagnosed last year and had 2 biopsies and 3 surgeries followed by tamoxifen and radiotherapy so really do understand where you are. I too live on my own so had times when I just went into meltdown - actually glad there wasn't anyone there to see it. I was lucky that I had a couple of people who would listen to me talk about it and the research I was doing to try and make sense of it which sound like what you are doing. People who care about you don't get fed up listening, they are just grateful to still have you around at all. I'm a big one for independence and not crying but found that it was out of my control and trying to hold it all in just made it worse. You're allowed to cry cos it's a rubbish situation that seems to go on forever and they're right that it's a twelve month journey so don't give yourself such a hard time and work through it. We're all so much tougher than we ver give ourselves credit for. Hope all goes well with the rest if the treatment. Xx