Hi Jennie, I can't say that I understand what you're going through as I don't have cancer. All I can say is you have every right to be sad, scared and mad and a whole lot more!  Do you have any Macmillan support, who you can talk to?  So how long have you been on chemo? I can understand you feel selfish since finding out you have leukaemia. My friend was diagnosed a couple of months back and she said it has given her a reality check and made her realise what's important in life. I'm sure others will be along to share their experiences and how they deal with things. Take care x

Hi Michelle! Thanks, I kinda realize that someone finally understands my feelings. I'm sorry for your friend I hope she'll get better soon

As for my chemo, I'm doing my cycle right now (I started last week, I'm usually doing a cycle of two weeks). I have cancer for about 8 months now and I'm have a rest of two weeks between the cycles. Even if I'm used to it its still a pain in the ***...

I'm also taking other meds (teniposide and methotrexate).  

And yop  I have Macmillan support but it ain't doing any significant differences to how I'm feeling...

Hi there Jennie. I can relate to your anger completely. I was diagnosed with Follicular Lymphoma in September and I've just had my 3rd monthly dose of chemo. I'm in my 50's but I still feel that my life and all the things I want to do are being stolen from me. It was a lovely day today - I wanted to go out and walk in the sunshine but instead I'm stuck lying in bed waiting for the next visit to the bathroom. I've started a self-help course in Mindfulness using a book and some online guided meditations. I'm hoping that will help me face things better. I've also decided it's ok to focus on myself. My work (which I've given up for now) is based round projects - and I'm now describing myself as being on 'Project Health' where the focus is completely on supporting my own body to work with the drugs and rid myself of the bad stuff so I'm trying to be calm, eat well and 'listen to my body'. I don't expect things to be as before - I'm also preparing myself for a 'new normal'. Having decided to be indulgent and focus on myself, I really feel like I am working with my body rather than fighting it. Having said all this, I still cry and I still feel angry .... but no longer all the time. If you'd like to know more about the mindfulness, I can post the web page for it. Perhaps we could both try the meditations and compare notes? :) Talk soon. And remember you are not alone x

Hi Jennie, I was diagnosed with stomach cancer last year and it all seemed bleak at the start. The best thing I can say to you is don't give up hope. Tell yourself that you will get through this and you will get well. It's amazing what can happen and thinking positively is the best medicine. When you have treatment, talk to the nursing staff. Seek psychological support from your cancer therapy centre, I expect that they can let you talk to someone. I wish you all the best.