Hi all,

My name is Emily and my beautiful mum is dying. 

My mum became ill in Nov 2014, after months of going back and forth to the GP and hospital and being told it was an ulcer, she was finally referred to Birminghams Queen Elizabeth hospital. After doing a endoscopy they found a pre cancerous growth on the tail of her pancreas. By this point she had lost a lot of weight and was dark yellow from the jaundice. Her consultant told her if she could gain some weight in the next two weeks then she would be a good candidate for the whipple operation. My mum was sent home and forced herself to eat and managed to gain enough weight for the op. They preformed the whipple in Sept 15. It was a success and she recovered from the op very well. We were all so pleased thinking my mum was one of the few lucky ones to be quick enough to beat pancreatic cancer! How wrong were we!! It turns out that in thone short two weeks she waited for the op her pre cancerous growth had turned cancerous and spread to 19 of the lymph nodes they removed. Her oncologist was positive and told her she would start a 6 month course of gemcitabine just in case to mop up any stray cells. She started her chemo in Feb 2016 after having a ct scan. A few weeks later we attended the scan result appointment to be told it had already spread to her bones and there was a small patch on her lung, they carried on with the chemo and started bone strengthening injections and  the next scan showed her bone mets had shrunk and the patch on her lung had gone. We were all very pleased, we knew it still wasn't curable but held on to the hope that she would have a while left yet!. She finished her course of chemo in July and since then things have gone downhill fast, she is in excruciating pain and has become a shadow of her former self. The doctors have given her morphine tablets to take twice a day and ora morph every four hours but she's in agony, can no longer drive and seems to be shutting off from us all. I don't know what to do... I can't bear seeing my mum in so much pain. I'm finding it so hard to be around her when there's nothing I can do to help her. I have excepted that my mum will pass from this awful disease but it's breaking my heart even more when my children ask when their nanny is going to get better etc, she has always been like a second mum to them and I know her passing is going to destroy them. Im sorry for such a long post but I have no one else to talk to and feel so alone.