Hi, it sounds like you are having an incredibly tough time. I can relate in many ways though I've been diagnosed with breast cancer. My son turned 3 around the time I was diagnosed (stage 3, grade 3). It was so hard at an emotional level and my biggest fear was not being able to see him grow up. It was also tough at a physical level and I felt very guilty for not being able to do everything I thought a mum should do. But what's the alternative? Not have treatment? What I found hard was being a young mum going through this when most people I met where a lot older or even retired. I had a fulltime job, my boy, no family to support and a partner who has multiple sclerosis. But we got through it and so will you, but only by accepting the help from everyone who wants to be there for you, and accepting that for a while you won't be able to do everything yourself. I don't agree with what some people might say ...that your child won't remember. Before age 4 or 5 they are unlikely to have conscious or verbal memories of what they have witnessed or the inevitable absence they will experience whether due to chemo or stays in hospital. But it is there as something that they will retain at a non-verbal or subconscious level and might impact on them also when they're older. I am a clinical psychologist. And I'm not saying this to upset you. I don't mean that it has to be a bad thing but writing it off as something that doesn't matter could be unhelpful. The most important thing is to tell your children about what happened as they get older and not pretend it didn't happen. Should they find it hard to be apart from you e.g. When they go to nursery or school ...that might be the reason and you can talk to them. I wore had scarfs and headbands during my chemo ...about a year later, one day, I put on a headband and he almost had a meltdown, cried and cried telling me he didn't like it. At that point my boy could not recall me having been in hospital or having been ill. We spoke about it and it was ok. So it could be really small things that trigger something and seem out of proportion given perhaps what happened at the time...that's where it will count to listen and wonder with your child whether there could be a link. I hope nothing I wrote here upset or offended you. You'll get through this, but you will worry and feel guilty ...that's part of being a mum who loves her child. Just don't let it take over and spend all your time with those feelings ...you'll end up missing all the wonderful moments you will have even when everything feels awful. I wish you all the best! 

Sandy

Hi, it sounds like you are having an incredibly tough time. I can relate in many ways though I've been diagnosed with breast cancer. My son turned 3 around the time I was diagnosed (stage 3, grade 3). It was so hard at an emotional level and my biggest fear was not being able to see him grow up. It was also tough at a physical level and I felt very guilty for not being able to do everything I thought a mum should do. But what's the alternative? Not have treatment? What I found hard was being a young mum going through this when most people I met where a lot older or even retired. I had a fulltime job, my boy, no family to support and a partner who has multiple sclerosis. But we got through it and so will you, but only by accepting the help from everyone who wants to be there for you, and accepting that for a while you won't be able to do everything yourself. I don't agree with what some people might say ...that your child won't remember. Before age 4 or 5 they are unlikely to have conscious or verbal memories of what they have witnessed or the inevitable absence they will experience whether due to chemo or stays in hospital. But it is there as something that they will retain at a non-verbal or subconscious level and might impact on them also when they're older. I am a clinical psychologist. And I'm not saying this to upset you. I don't mean that it has to be a bad thing but writing it off as something that doesn't matter could be unhelpful. The most important thing is to tell your children about what happened as they get older and not pretend it didn't happen. Should they find it hard to be apart from you e.g. When they go to nursery or school ...that might be the reason and you can talk to them. I wore had scarfs and headbands during my chemo ...about a year later, one day, I put on a headband and he almost had a meltdown, cried and cried telling me he didn't like it. At that point my boy could not recall me having been in hospital or having been ill. We spoke about it and it was ok. So it could be really small things that trigger something and seem out of proportion given perhaps what happened at the time...that's where it will count to listen and wonder with your child whether there could be a link. I hope nothing I wrote here upset or offended you. You'll get through this, but you will worry and feel guilty ...that's part of being a mum who loves her child. Just don't let it take over and spend all your time with those feelings ...you'll end up missing all the wonderful moments you will have even when everything feels awful. I wish you all the best! 

Sandy