I was diagnosed with breast cancer in November 14 the days after my 29th birthday.it was a massive shock to everyone.luckily (everyone keeps saying this-lucky?!) I had a lumpectomy with clear margins & clear lymph nodes.radiotherapy for 4 weeks & tamoxifen & that should be it.So why am I struggling so much emotionally?I had to go back to work 3 weeks after surgery as I don't get sick pay & have rent/bills to pay.Im also still in quite a bit of pain.My boyfriend expects me to go back to my usual girlfriend duties ie house work/sex like nothing has happened.Yet I just want to stay in bed & cry.also not sleeping well.currently on Tramadol & zolpidem which is helping but don't want to get addicted.help!!
Hi Chloeh, welcome to the forum, but sorry you have a need to be here because of your breast cancer diagnosis. It must be difficult for you that your boyfriend doesn't seem supportive of you when you are having a hard time of it. Not to make excuses for him, but I'm assuming he's around your age and likely just doesn't know how to handle this with you. If you have friends and/or family who are supportive, then draw on that support to help you through this.. As for your boyfriend, educate him on cancer, or get a trusted male friend or family member to have a talk with him. He does need a wake-up call because this journey is hard enough to be on and we especially need the support of our loved ones around us.
It does sound like your cancer was found early on and that is a really good thing, so hoping everything turns out okay. You do need time to heal from the surgery though and you will have to make it clear that you are not ready to resume your usual activities right now. You are very young to have this diagnosis and that will likely be in your favor for a quick recovery and hopefully the end of this cancer thing.
Come back on the forum and let us know how things go for you. I'm sure others will respond to your post very soon.
He's 25,26 in 2 weeks.I think that probably explains a lot.He seems too laid back about things.It really takes it out of me trying to prove to everyone that I'm ok,but then he thinks I am coping fine,when I'm not! Vicious circle I guess.I am working overtime to cover the time off for radiotherapy,yet he has just spent hundreds of pounds on a spray job for his car,new suspension & new speakers.Takes the mess no?now he says he can't take me to my first radiotherapy session as he's swapped shifts so he can go out for his birthday (I can't drive) I don't feel like a priority.when I try to talk to him he just says I'm having a go or telling him off.how can I get him to understand how I'm feeling?I have good friend/family support but they are struggling to get time off to take me too.also they all think
I'm doing fine & I'm being strong.sorry for the long posts
Oh Chloeh, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. Your boyfriend sure has his priorities wrong. At 26 years of age, he should have a few more clues than he appears to have. In addition to having a very immature boyfriend, you don't have help to get to your apts. I don't know what help might be available for you where you live, but perhaps it might help to discuss your concerns with your treatment team. They might know of some service that could be available. I get the impression that you are putting on a strong face for everyone and not telling them how hard this is for you. Perhaps its' time to come clean and tell them that this is really hard for you and how scared you are. Once you get through this crisis, it might be a good idea for you to consider getting your drivers' license so you can be more independent. I feel bad for the predicament you find yourself in right now. I hope you can work something out. Perhaps ask your boyfriend to change his shift back that this is very important that you get in for your treatment.
Let me know how it goes for you. Sending more hugs.
Chloeh
mmmmm ..... Cancer is not only a physical thing it also has a way of invading our emotions too .. its also one this dealing with the fact you have cancer, the treatment effects can be more difficult and painful to deal with and certainly are not ove in a few weeks or even after tretment has finished.
My advice to you is look after yourself first otherwise you will be good for nothing... as for you bf well he will come round .... or not
but your come first now
I hope it all works out for you though
Thank you for all your replies.I was taking driving lessons though currently they are on hold.mapping session for radiotherapy went ok,bit uncomfortable & when I was waiting on my own in the waiting room I wish my boyfriend could have been there with me.We did have a talk & things are better.he said he has put money aside for a short break away for us.but if I need the time off work we can use it for that.This makes me more determined to be strong & work through it,I would rather have a holiday than sit at home.Mcmillan have got in contact with a counsellor for me & I have my first session on Thursday which I'm really looking forward to.hopefully this will help be sort things out in my head x
I'm glad that talking to your bf has helped, sounds like he's trying to be caring, maybe being practical is the only way he can, certainly shows he has been thinking of you. Hope the counselling goes well
G xxx
Chloeh, Good to hear that your boyfriend is coming round. My only advice to you though, and your cancer is totally different to mine, but I know someone going through breast cancer treatment at the mo, and as for going away, it took me some time to feel well enough and strong enough to get away ... it was 5 months post treatment before i was ready and was not the person i was prior to going int o treatment. however Im sounding a bit OMG that's not what I mean ... try not to plan to much though as everyone goes through this treatment differently some breeze through it some dont, but we all prepare ourselves for what we are about to go through and for me when i went through it it was a different thing, but I survived and I am on the mend
God I have just read through this and it does sound a bit scary its not meant to be, just don't plan anything until you know what you are like going through the treatment
It great when you can get away though
Im going to shut up now
Thank you for your advise.its always helpful to hear someone going through something similar.of course people want to help but sometimes u think,well what do u know?Im just going to see how I am,If I can work during treatment I will.I don't like to relay on people & I've paid my own way/bills since I've been 16.so feel helpless sometimes & guilty if I'm a burden on people.I know they care but they have their own lives to lead so I'm not going to always be a priority.Just taking things day by day & trying to think positive x
2 weeks into Radiotherapy treatment.feeling very tight & sore.things gone from bad to worse with the boyfriend.he makes me feel guilty about him having to take me on his days off as "he's got better things to be doing with his time" I don't think anyone wants to do this!?the wear & tear on his car & mileage on his car.so I've been trying to get my sister & uncle to take me.they have booked afternoons off work,or it will be their only day off & they don't begrudge taking me.he doesn't see it as a serious illness as u haven't had chemo & thinks I should just stop being mardy.im depressed & lonely & feel unsupported but if I try & talk I feel shot down.on the up side met the counsellor & that is really helping.hope the soreness & pain goes soon x
2 weeks into Radiotherapy treatment.feeling very tight & sore.things gone from bad to worse with the boyfriend.he makes me feel guilty about him having to take me on his days off as "he's got better things to be doing with his time" I don't think anyone wants to do this!?the wear & tear on his car & mileage on his car.so I've been trying to get my sister & uncle to take me.they have booked afternoons off work,or it will be their only day off & they don't begrudge taking me.he doesn't see it as a serious illness as u haven't had chemo & thinks I should just stop being mardy.im depressed & lonely & feel unsupported but if I try & talk I feel shot down.on the up side met the counsellor & that is really helping.hope the soreness & pain goes soon x
Chloe this is a difficult time for you and you are most probably going to get lower. It's time to look after yourself and if other people want to help you this is the time when you just let them. As for your bf just concentrate on you and yourself, thats all you are going to have the effort for. It's time to block out all those who irritate and cause you emotional problems.
It's also a time for you to be able to talk to someone or something. I wrote a blog on my experience gammaraygary.wordpress.com/about/ .
Chloe happy to chat and there on many on here to help too
