Hi Lorraine

Slowly but surely finding my way to catch up with 'buddies' threads.  Your latest news would have me punching the wall with anger and frustration so feel free to carry on venting your feelings.  We know it does not make things go away but we are all here to support each other.  Really hope that your next round of scans/appointments can give you some way to  move forward with treatment to make you more comfortable.  By the way did you know that 'beauty is in the eye of the  beholder' so those that are supporting you think you need to hear these things.  Its like Max says (hey Max good to see your name cropping up too - sending hugs) they mean well.  Its a line I do not use on my hubby for fear he would get me 'put in a safe place' but its not easy knowing what to say (he is now over four stone lighter because of his illness) and all I can do is buy new clothes that fit.  It does not make it feel better but means I am doing something.

Anyhow Lorriane hope the weather (well I am British what else should I talk about) where  you are is better than here and am sending virtual hugs and listening ears anytime you need to offload. Regards Jules x 

Thanks Max, Jules, and Dave. You're right Max, if we didn't laugh and make jokes once in awhile,  we'd go absolutely mad! And, Jules, punching the wall might help too, although now that we live in an apt., we'd likely get evicted. LOL  Dave, I know what you mean about doctors; some of them have a "sick" sense of humor when they unwind. Really though, they are only human too and I know for many of them, seeing the ravages of illness of one kind or another on their patients day after day has to be depressing for them too. I'm sure there must be days when they question why they stay in the business, but like many professions that are related to a lot of human suffering in one way or another, its' what they do. Thank goodness they are there.

I'm counting the days until I get through this PET scan and follow-up with the doctor. At least then I'll know what I'm dealing with here. I'll be sure to let you guys know the outcome. I have a feeling it isn't going to be great.

Take care everyone. Hugs everybody.

Lorraine

Hi again everyone, I'm just back from meeting with my lung surgeon to get the results from my PET scan I had last week. So, there's good news and there's bad news. The good news is that the cancer has not come back in my colon, which is huge great news! The bad news is there are two cancers in my lung, one being a fair size and the other a smaller one. She has decided that it is not a good idea to do radiation in this case, so it means another lung surgery very much like the one I had two years ago. That was BIG and not fun at all. However it is what it is, so I guess I'll bite the bullet and go for it. She plans to do that in the next few weeks. I'll certainly let you guys know when I have a definite date, so you can all pull for me.

Of course, the bladder cancer is also ongoing, but now we have a conflict with surgery dates as I'm supposed to have another surgery for that too, but I guess it will have to wait until I recover from this lung surgery. WOW! Life is sure complicated. I'll keep you posted.

Thanks for being there everyone. Your support is so comforting.

Lorraine

Hi Lorraine

Its no comfort to read that you are having to face further surgery but on the upside you now know once more what you are dealing with and can rant about it on the forum whenever you want.  It was good to hear that you had good news too (massive relief I should imagine).  It sure it one hell of a rollercoaster ride you could do without but hope that the surgery can be arranged sooner rather than later (better out than in!).  Your forum buddies are rooting for you and am sending big virtual hug.  Jules xx

Hi honey!  Thank you for the update  -  not sure what to say to the good and bad news except we are here for you and will be there by your side throughout.  Max x

Hi Buddies - Jules, Jo, Debbie, and Max. Your support is so helpful in this lousy journey and I so appreciate having you guys in there rooting for me. It just means so much to know that even across the many miles between us, you're all out there. As I've said so many times, this forum has been a God send for me as I go down this road with so many of you who are fighting your own battles, but yet have still so much to give others. I'll certainly keep you in the loop when I have more info as to exactly when the surgery will take place. She's hoping for Dec, 11th or 12th if the OR is available and she'll let me know a definite as soon as she can. She is such a wonderful doctor and so good at what she does. Her bedside manner is great and she is so caring. I am very lucky there for sure.

Jo, are you up for more surgery? When and what for? Let me know my dear. I know misery loves company, but this isn't what this is about. We can commiserate together though, if you tell me what's going on with you.

Take care everyone and thanks again for being there. Hugs to all of you.

Lorraine

Hi Lorraine

Would be a plus for you if they can get surgery out of the way a.s.a.p. as it cuts waiting/thinking time!  It is such a bonus when you are happy with your doctor.  Its something we are so grateful for in my hubby's palliative care.  Though there is little they can offer other than monitoring/pain control (so very important) the understanding/care we receive (no time limit on appointments so we can talk things through) is so re-assuring.  Today we have meeting with his GP and then a dietician visiting us at home (to save his need to journey to hospital) as his appetite is now very poor and they hope to be able to assist in this respect.  Its a difficult one as we have plenty to offer him (including prescribed drinks) but he finds nothing tastes good(not my cooking, honest) and his palliative care community nurse, who called in yesterday, says it very much the 'illness' and not the man.

Stay and touch and I know the forum offers us all somewhere supportive to vent/chat.  Take care.Jules x

Hi Lorraine

Would be a plus for you if they can get surgery out of the way a.s.a.p. as it cuts waiting/thinking time!  It is such a bonus when you are happy with your doctor.  Its something we are so grateful for in my hubby's palliative care.  Though there is little they can offer other than monitoring/pain control (so very important) the understanding/care we receive (no time limit on appointments so we can talk things through) is so re-assuring.  Today we have meeting with his GP and then a dietician visiting us at home (to save his need to journey to hospital) as his appetite is now very poor and they hope to be able to assist in this respect.  Its a difficult one as we have plenty to offer him (including prescribed drinks) but he finds nothing tastes good(not my cooking, honest) and his palliative care community nurse, who called in yesterday, says it very much the 'illness' and not the man.

Stay and touch and I know the forum offers us all somewhere supportive to vent/chat.  Take care.Jules x

Hi Jules, thanks so much for your response and ongoing support. I've read many of your posts and every time I do, my heart aches for you and your husband. I think the hardest part for watching someone in palliative care is knowing that your loved one can't get better, no matter what you do for them. That must be so hard for you and I've certainly experienced it myself with my Dad, my brother, a former partner, and many other relatives and good friends. That is the awful thing about cancer; so often it does end with the death of your loved one, or in the case of the person with it, we often look our own death in the face. I know that I likely will eventually die from this disease. Every time I have a surgery, and I have had many just in the past few years, the anesthesiologist (sp) always tells me what great shape i"m in, i.e. great BP, heart, lung capacity??? (considering this lung cancer). My question to them is "then what am I doing in surgery?" I'm there so much these last few years that they now know me by my first name. People tell me you have to "think positive". That's fine when when you're not the one fighting this disease, or like in your case, caring for someone who is. I've never known a positive attitude yet that was able to cure cancer, but I do appreciate that one's emotional attitude does have an effect on the body's immune system, so in a roundabout way, it would help in the fight. Now, I'm rambling.

I'll certainly keep on posting and looking for all the support I can get as I go through this major surgery yet again. Thanks for being there Jules, not only for me and a lot of other people on here, but also for your husband who, I'm sure, really appreciates all you do for him. Please also take care of yourself; you need a soft place to fall to sometimes.

Hugs

Lorraine 

Hi Lorraine

Your quick and kind response, despite your own situation, is what this forum is all about - mutual respect and understanding (not rambling at all) of what cancer does to all who come in contact with it all it entails. Your reply bought tears to my eyes and then a smile to my face when you mentioned first name terms! Our local pharmacy greets us in this way!  Yesterday the harsh reality of our situation (deep down you know where we are leading) was tempered by hubby's GP addressing him as Mr and my man responding by saying 'it's ok you can still call me by my first name even though the wife is here' - we all had a laugh at that. I am trying to think 'in the now' but switching off  last night was hard and only a couple of hours sleep achieved - bet you know all about too much thinking. I prefer to use 'be hopeful' than be positive but 'being honest' with my own thinking has made it easier for my real friends and family to be 'open' with me (I am the channel to my hubby as he cannot bring himself to discuss his situation unless he is called upon and who can blame him really). His GP called him 'her very private man'.

All that being said virtual buddies are an extremely 'positive' side of my journey and the hugs are returned with the hope that you have dates soon to take you forward.  Regards Jules x

Hi Lorraine .... how are you doing? x

Hi there Max, I'm counting the days; part of me wants it to come and the other part of me doesn't want it. I did have a really hard time with the last lung surgery and I went into that one not knowing what to expect. This time I know how its' going to be .I have a confirmation date - Dec. 11 but I don't have a time. Christmas is a washout for sure. I'll try to get my cards out before hand, and I have a small table tree that is already decorated and covered up in the spare closet. I'll just take that out and set it up on a small table and put my candles in the window and I'm done. Everyone is getting gift certificates this year, although my grandkids will get a little something extra that I've already picked up for them. A good friend has invited us for dinner Christmas Day and as long as I'm feeling okay, we'll go to her place, otherwise, she said she'll bring dinner here to us. She's a lovely person and a really good friend. I don't know if there's a good time of year to have major surgery. Right now it is frigid cold here, so a person can't even get out for a little walk. I think after surgery, its' good if one can get out for a walk and some fresh air, but goodness, how do you do that in this cold. Oh well, there I go again, rambling. I just want this over with. I hate living with uncertainty. After I recover from this surgery, I'll be having another surgery in Jan. for this bladder cancer. It never ends!!  I'm having a CT scan tomorrow for that problem. This health issue is keeping me busier and worse than having a full-time job.

Thanks for being there for me and thinking about me. Its'' just so good to know you're out there. Now I'm going to go and have a pity party for myself.

Hugs to all of you.

Lorraine

Dear lorraine - I'm not surprised you are having a pity party - you certainly are going through it!  Although I know that lung surgery is the last thing you want, I guess you are glad to have a date so you can plan things especially at this time of the year. I am so sorry that you have to go through so much in the coming months and wish I could pop and give you a hug!  How long will you be in hospital?

Hubbie' s brother lives in Vancouver but I haven't asked him how the weather is lately. Have you got snow or just cold temperatures?  It is lovely to walk in the snow - as long as you don't slide over of course!  It's still very mild here in the UK but quite wet, as always. Wellies are a must !

I know what you mean about cancer becoming a full-time occupation. Sometimes it definitely feels that way and sadly becomes a way of life that many can't comprehend. Thank God for good friends - yours sounds an angel. Last year I was in hospital  unexpectedly for the week leading up to Christmas and all my ex work colleagues got baking and came round with Gammon, sausage rolls, cheese straws, mince pies, cakes, quiches etc because I hadn't had the opportunity. I shed a lot of tears and was so thankful for their thoughtfulness. My siblings are never in touch but my friends keep me going.

I wish you luck with your card writing and will speak soon. Sending much love x

Dear lorraine - I'm not surprised you are having a pity party - you certainly are going through it!  Although I know that lung surgery is the last thing you want, I guess you are glad to have a date so you can plan things especially at this time of the year. I am so sorry that you have to go through so much in the coming months and wish I could pop and give you a hug!  How long will you be in hospital?

Hubbie' s brother lives in Vancouver but I haven't asked him how the weather is lately. Have you got snow or just cold temperatures?  It is lovely to walk in the snow - as long as you don't slide over of course!  It's still very mild here in the UK but quite wet, as always. Wellies are a must !

I know what you mean about cancer becoming a full-time occupation. Sometimes it definitely feels that way and sadly becomes a way of life that many can't comprehend. Thank God for good friends - yours sounds an angel. Last year I was in hospital  unexpectedly for the week leading up to Christmas and all my ex work colleagues got baking and came round with Gammon, sausage rolls, cheese straws, mince pies, cakes, quiches etc because I hadn't had the opportunity. I shed a lot of tears and was so thankful for their thoughtfulness. My siblings are never in touch but my friends keep me going.

I wish you luck with your card writing and will speak soon. Sending much love x

Hi Lorraine

Will raise a virtual glass to your 'pity party'.  Like Max wish it was possible to gatecrash and give you proper hug but am keeping you in my thoughts.  Make sure you have time for some treats before your 'due date' - my mate last year had her celebrations early (and then again on the day as she continued her journey through cancer - double whammy!).

My hubby has been threatened with hospital for Christmas dinner if he does not eat more and get some weight on and so if  we are lucky  our son and other half are collecting us Christmas Eve for a few days. I am hoping to finish last  bits of shopping this week and then set about writing cards as I want others to  have smiles on their faces when they open them and see they are remembered (but have to admit not finding it easy emotionally).

Your forum buddies are hear to listen as always when you need to offload - its not rambling, its sharing and caring.  Big Hugs  Jules x 

Hi Lorraine

Will raise a virtual glass to your 'pity party'.  Like Max wish it was possible to gatecrash and give you proper hug but am keeping you in my thoughts.  Make sure you have time for some treats before your 'due date' - my mate last year had her celebrations early (and then again on the day as she continued her journey through cancer - double whammy!).

My hubby has been threatened with hospital for Christmas dinner if he does not eat more and get some weight on and so if  we are lucky  our son and other half are collecting us Christmas Eve for a few days. I am hoping to finish last  bits of shopping this week and then set about writing cards as I want others to  have smiles on their faces when they open them and see they are remembered (but have to admit not finding it easy emotionally).

Your forum buddies are hear to listen as always when you need to offload - its not rambling, its sharing and caring.  Big Hugs  Jules x 

Good mprnong Lorraine,

Just been catching up with what is happening with you and sorry to hear you are going through the mill again. There is never a good time to have to have surgery, but some are less inconvenient than others. 

Although all this is going on at the moment , your personality come shining through. I am always a mazed at the people on here who are going through such difficult times themselves have so much time and give for others and you are one of those Lorraine. :)

As for the pity party , we would all love to join you and raise a glass to having these wonderful virtual friends. I think we get to see the best side of humaity on this site. 

Will keep you in my thoughts and will look out for news from you post op. 

Many virtual hugs 

Annabel. xxx

Hi Max, like you, my siblings are no help to me either, and as a matter of fact, they just cause me a lot of stress that I don't need any more of these days. Thank God for friends for sure, and I have lots of them as well. About our weather, well it is wet like yours and fortunately, we are not getting the extreme cold temps as yet, that they are getting in other parts of Canada. Here in Nova Scotia, we tend to get middle of the road weather and very seldom do we get severe either way. Our summers are actually quite nice and we have a beautiful Autumn and that is my favorite time of year. We haven't had any snow as yet here in my end of Nova Scotia, but will likely get some in the next months.

I've done some Christmas cards, but not near finished. I also hope to get the apt. spruced up pretty good before I go in hospital, so that my Bill doesn't have to do too much to it, other than keep it up. I know the dog, Toby, will miss me for sure. He's my pup and will always be my pup. Since we live in an apt., he has to be taken out and walked several times a day and believe it or not, that's quite a time consuming job, but he is worth it. I likely will be in hospital 4 - 5 days or more, depending on how things go. Here, they kick you out as soon as possible, which is fine by me. I hate being in hospital. Actually, the last time I was in for a big surgery on my kidney/bladder, etc., I was there for a week and near went nuts. When I said I wanted to go home, my doc said no, its' too soon. He wanted me to stay in another few days. I said what can they do for me here that I can't do for myself, (with Bill's help) at home. Besides which, I told him I was going to starve to death. The food was lousy and he agreed with me. The bed was uncomfortable, so I wasn't sleeping, etc. etc. I'm a lousy patient. He laughed then and said OK go home. I'm rambling again.

Thanks for your love and support. We will talk soon.

Lorraine