Hi Garf,

Just wanted to drop you a post to say you're never far from my thoughts and I hope you're doing ok?  (No, I'm not a weird stalker!   )

I think about so many folks on here and the things they're all dealing with on a day to day basis.

Am I right in thinking you've got next week off? Or was it last week?

Either way, if it was last week, hope you had plenty of R and R . . . And if it's next week, hope you get lots of R and R!

Also remember that one of the R's could stand for Retail !! 

Sure your wife would like that one

Hugs to you and your wife, Jo xx

Hi Jo,

Thank you so much, I am touched that I am in your thoughts and I promise I don't think you are a stalker

I am off next week for some much needed R and R and to be honest with the back log of motor racing I have to watch and the golf game on Wednesday I simply won't have time for any retail you-know-what.  It's hard to fit anything else in while I am spending so much time doing absolutely nothing.  I have actually been feeling a little more like myself the last few days since speaking to my councillor on Tuesday but I have no idea whether I am sorting anything out or just going through a good patch, I am just making the most of it for as long as it lasts.

Thanks for the hugs and I send a whole bunch right back to you.

Have a great weekend and don't spend too much .

Garf. xx

Hi ther Jo,

I am afraid I have to join you in confessing that I too watch "celebrity jungle".  Last one tonight and my money is on Kian to be crowned,  Rebecca was my favourite from the start though so I was a litle dissapointed when she left.

The mis-communication regarding my counselling has been sorted and I am starting the first of four sessions with a new counsillor this week.  I am dissapointed that I have to start all over again but at least something is happening.  It is hard to explain or understand how it feels to have days when I really struggle to deal with my demons and others when I feel not too bad although regardless of whether a day is a good or a bad one the battle in my mind is relentless.  It probably desn't help that I have always been a person of deep feelings and so it doesn't take very much to effect my state of mind, either something on t.v. or a song or just seeing a Father with his son in the supermarket.  I am tired but I will continue the fight!

How are you getting on anyway?   It's been a little while seen you updated your thread and I like to know you are at least managing to avoid the psychological damage that can be caused by watching too much daytime t.v.

Take care Jo and please keep stalking!

Garf x

Hi Garf,

Good to hear that you can start your counselling sessions next week, even if it feels like you're starting over again. Maybe the first session will enable you to go over things you covered in your previous sessions, but then, sessions 2 to 4 may move you further forward. I do hope so. I'm afraid I don't have a deep understanding or knowledge of the feelings that you find yourself struggling with, so I apologise if my comments are insensitive or crass. Your 'fighting talk' is good to read!

Thanks for asking how I'm getting on. Not too much to report really! Just having a few more rounds of chemo to zap the stray blighters in my bowel lymph nodes. I did have some initial problems with my first bout of chemo . . . Intolerance to the Capecitabine tablets! Hospitalised for 6 days! I'm now having my chemo through a PICC line so it's much more gentle on the Bowel! Somewhat ironic that the tabs they gave me to sort me out, actually caused more problems!

My partner has had to learn how to disconnect my chemo bottle, change my dressing and flush my line! All very technical stuff as the risk of infection is quite a worry! Fingers crossed for next week when he's 'flying solo' without a nurse telling him what to do!

The doctor wants me to have two to three more sessions (fortnightly) and then I'll have another liver MRI scan (not sure whether you knew that my last scan showed secondaries in my liver?) thankfully, it's operable, but involves yet another big op!

I'm not looking too far ahead (not met surgeon yet!) just concentrating on chemo for now!

Sorry for such a downbeat post, Garf! Although I am still quite upbeat; a combination of steroids and Jungle fever no doubt! I think Kian will win too, but David is a bit of a dark horse (or maybe a silvery, white horse!) I mean, I really thought Joey Essex would have been in the final two!

Well, I think I'll have a doze on the sofa as I've now been awake since 4.30am!! I feel like that Duracell bunny! And I don't want to miss my trip 'down under'

No doubt we'll chat again soon, but until then, take extra care of yourself, Garf.

Jo xx

Hi everyone,

Just thought I would post a quick update before the festivities begin.

I had my second session with my new cousellor called Jaqueline last Tuesday afternoon.  The first one went well but my last one didn't seem to be nearly as helpful and so last week was a particularly bad one for me.  On top of that something happened at work that I thought, once out in the open might help me sort out at least one thing in my head but ubfortunately all it has done is give me something different and unpleasant to consider. No matter what I do I can't stop this constant battle in my head and, as I have said before it sometimes wears me out so much I almost shut down.  The only sort of break I get is playing golf which I did yesterday.  The weather was great if only for those four hours or so although the ground was very muddy and so after eighteen holes you can imagine the state of my nice, newly washed trousers.

Christmas day will bring an afternoon of merryment with my wife's family followed by a new year that will hopefully, at some point see my issues sorted out once and for all.  At least that is what I am hoping as another year of this is just too daunting to consider.

Wishing everyone a wonderful and peaceful Christmas and new year.  Take care!

Garf.  

Hi Garf,

Sorry to hear you are still feeling low and in that bad place. It must be so difficult for you. With the weather what it is here at the moment, don't think you would be able to play golf today unless you were wearing a a diving suit.

I just want to thank you for the sipport you gave me when my dad was in hospital this time last year.

Do take care, will be thinking of you and all my virtual C/CHAT friends over the festive period.

Your wishes for a wonderful and peaceful Christmas and New Year are very much appreciated and are returned, Brian

Hi Garf

Have sent  you short PM (whilst I had internet access) but just wanted to add to your thread my very best wishes for a trouble free Christmas.  Do hope all is well in theGarf

household and that the 'muddied' trousers were well worth the effort when it came to hitting the white balls (demons) round the golf course.  Hope the weather improves significantly so that you can enjoy another game soon.   Shame that work issues are causing you so much emotional fall-out and after Christmas we will continue to support each other on this wonderful forum.  All the very best  Garf from your virtual friend .  Hugs to you and yours.  Jules xx

Dearest Garf,

So sorry that you're feeling so low. I really hope that 2014 can bring you the resolution you need. You will get there, and we'll be supporting you through it!

Wishing you a peaceful Christmas (and may I suggest a bottle of 'pre-wash' in Mrs G's stocking! You'll find it in the cleaning aisle!)

Much love, Jo xxx

Take care of yourself Garf, and try to relax over the Christmas break, and enjoy being surrounded by people who love and care for you - I can't say I am looking forward to Christmas as such, but am welcoming the opportunity to have plenty of time with my loved ones and take comfort from each other.  A lot of people have said to me that Christmas will be even harder for us, which I am not sure will be the case - every day is hard, but I am trying to apprach it with some hope and optimism.

In your case, I really hope the counselling starts to have the outcome you are hoping for, and that 2014 will bring you some peace and resolution.

Wishing you all the very best,

Catherine

Thank you all so very much.  It is such a comfort to have so many people who care especially when you all have your own problems to deal with.

I promise to do my best to enjoy Christmas, although spending Christmas Eve morning on the roof in the wind and rain repairing storm damage is possibly not the best way to start. 

You will all be in my thoughts today and tomorrow and I would like to take this opportunity to raise a virtual glass to everyone before I do it for real tomorrow.

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Merry Christmas everybody.

Garf.

Hi Garf,

Sorry to find you have had to spend time on your roof repairing storm damage. Do take care not to fall down the chimney, unless you have your Santa suit on

Take care, best wishes, Brian

Hi Garf

Sorry to read you are (or rather the house is) storm damaged - be careful on the roof - hate heights so it would be buckets under the roof for me!! Hopefully the worst of the weather has passed through but there are so many affected and its now heading North.  Why does our weather always pick 'holidays' to do its worst. Luckily only a few flying dustbins lids and fences down round our place.

Will also be thinking of all those less fortunate them me when I raise a glass (or two) tomorrow. Cheers. Jules xx

Hi Garf

Sorry to read you are (or rather the house is) storm damaged - be careful on the roof - hate heights so it would be buckets under the roof for me!! Hopefully the worst of the weather has passed through but there are so many affected and its now heading North.  Why does our weather always pick 'holidays' to do its worst. Luckily only a few flying dustbins lids and fences down round our place.

Will also be thinking of all those less fortunate them me when I raise a glass (or two) tomorrow. Cheers. Jules xx