Hi Garf,

I am so sorry to read you are feeling in a bad place again. You say you feel like someone you don't like, but that's not the Garf we all know and like. For you have offered me lots of support over the past few months, like you have done to others. You are a very kind and caring person who is struggling to cope with grief and this is so hard. I, just like many other on here wish there was something I could do to lift this burden of grief from you. Hope you have a peaceful weekend, Take care Brian,

Hi Garf,

Like Jules and Brian before me, I was sad to read that you're struggling emotionally at the moment. You offer so much support to so many on this site and I hope we can offer you the same level of support back. Obviously we can only give virtual support, but as Jules has suggested, maybe more counselling sessions would help get you back to that place where you felt, in your words, that a possible plan was emerging.

Brian rightly mentioned in his post, all your wonderful qualities and it saddens me to think that you can no longer see those attributes in yourself.

I hope by sharing your feelings with us, we will be able to help you through this difficult time and get you back to the Garf we all know and love.

Please tell me to 'mind my own' but I wondered how your wife is? Obviously she'll be supporting you, but as we all know on here, we don't always want to burden those closest to us. Are you able to share your feelings with her or do you feel you want to protect her from how low you're feeling? Hope I haven't offended you by asking about your wife and as I say, please tell me to keep my nose out!

Take care of yourself, Garf. We're all thinking about you and sending hugs and uplifting vibes through the airwaves,

Love Jo xxx

Jules, Brian, Jo,

Thank you so very much for your kindness and your support and it makes me glad that I have been able to help and bring the occasional smile to the people I care about.

I really do appreciate the advice and I promise that there is no butting in or appologising neccessary.  In actual fact Jo what you said about talking, or not talking to my wife is one of the things my councillor and I discussed and we are going to continue with that next week.

Jules, once the phone sessions finish I can apparently see someone face to face for two visits which I will probably do.  Other than that I will have to try and see an N.H.S. councillor as I certainly can't afford to pay to see one.  Apparently the basic problem is that after my Aunty died I went into a form of Post Traumatic Stress so I was at least right about that incident being the straw that broke the camel's back.  Since then my mind has pushed all the horrible things to the back and replaced them with feelings and problems that still cause me depression and stress but the replacement feelings are not just a distraction but real, impossible to ignore emotions that cannot be ignored.

Brian you can always be relied upon to lift someone and make them feel special and I can't begin to describe how much I appreciate it.  I am going to carry on fighting whatever and whoever this person has become inside my head and knowing you are all here is a real comfort. 

Have a good weekend everyone and take care.

Garf.

Morning Garf

Just popped in to say have a peaceful weekend and its good to know you have the opportunity (and the willingness) to take the counselling further.  Not sure if it will be of any use to you but with my Mum's depression she was able to be referred by her GP and all her counselling sessions were NHS based (maybe made a little easier as she was not working at the time and was able to attend during the day).  You definitely have the right attitude in that you want to feel better than you do(a huge emotional step in realising that you need help to deal with grieving issues ) and I am sure with support of your family friends and of course 'us lot on here' we can continue to make each other smile. Take care Jules xx

Thanks Jules,

My wife and I are just going out for breakfast which we do every Saturday before doing the weekly shop.  I am sure Brian knows how much I look forward to that.  Then yes I plan on a fairly peaceful weekend.

All the best to you and maybe at some point we could talk about your Mum in more depth if that would be ok?

Have a good weekend and I will come back here probably on Monday morning if not tomorrow.

Garf. xx

Hi Garf

Really relate to the weekly shop syndrome - we go together at present (both do it because we have to).  Though its a hassle cannot quite bring myself to do it via internet home delivery as I would rather pick things for myself.  Have to say though both my children use home delivery sometimes and have found it very useful (and it would of course cut out those things (in Brian's care nuts) that somehow find their way into the trolley even though they are not on the list.

Am absolutely happy to talk about my Mum anytime you like (I have private messaging set up if you would prefer taking that route) and feel free to ask any questions you want and I will try to help whenever I can.

Love the idea of having someone else make breakfast before doing the shopping (may have to drop really heavy hints!!!).

Take care, chat soon  Jules xx

Hi Garf,

I was so sorry to read you are having such a bad time.  I hope the counsellor can continue to help you as you say it did begin to help until unfortunately other things at work kicked in.  It is interesting that you say about post traumatic stress, I can relate to that a bit as I truly feel traumatised myself by losing my Mum and Dad so quickly together this year.  It is horrible to feel in such a dark place, and speaking as somebody who had a bout of depression some years ago I know what that dark place feels like.  I feel that it is different than grief, grief is a roller-coaster of emotions where you can sometimes still feel OK, depression is a dark hole that doesn't change no matter what you do.  It is important that you do get some sort of treatment to help you through this, as I cannot imagine what it would feel like to have to deal with depression on top of grief.  I'm glad your wife is supporting you, although I'm sure whilst in a bad place you probably still feel alone.  Take all the help you can and things will become clearer and get easier, and remember we are all on here for you too.  Hope x

Hi Garf,

Hope you are having a quiet and relaxing weekend. I hope you enjoyed your weekend shop!!!!!!!!!.   Last week I was promoted in as much I was allowed to push the trolley round the store. But I think there was a bit of psychology in Mrs B's thinking in that if I was in charge of transport, I wouldn't have time to find things that might just fall into the trolley, so next time will have to find an excuse not to be the Trolley Man. Maybe I might have a splinter in my hand or something???????????? I'm sure I will find some excuse. These ladies can be very crafty at times so the only way to deal with it is to be even craftier

Seriously Garf I hope you can soon regain control of your life. The trouble is our emotions are all very personal and as I have said before men are not the best in the world at talking about our hidden fears and feelings. I used to be very bad at this but my wife has always had the ability to read me like a book. It's only since having had prostate cancer I have learned to talk openly and honestly about myself. I could never have done what I do on here in my pre-cancer days.

I must be one of the few people whose life has been improved by cancer.

Anyway I have rambled enough for one day. Please take care, and hope to talk again soon, Brian.

Hope, you are so right about how being in a dark place like this is different than simply greiving.  It never goes away!  I am in a constant fight that no one else can see or hear and it is wearing me out.  Hope fully a week at home next week doing nothing except watching t.v. will give me a bit of a rest.

Thank you! xx

Hi Brian,

I have to admit that I actually prefer being the chief trolley pusher when we go shopping.  Since my wife is utterly hopeless at making decisions, and she will agree with me on that, the trolley gives me something to lean on as I watch her analyze in great detail the difference between two types of washing up liquid as she battles with the choice that must be made.

Thank you again though for your support and you are right in that it can be so difficult to talk about the deep feelings and fears that affect us, especially being mere men.  I will continue to work at finding a solution whatever that may be and hopefully I can eventually feel a little more like my self.

Have a good Monday.

Garf.