Hi Julie,

Please stop beating yourself up! Stop right now lady!

I wholeheartedly agree with everything that everyone has said. You are entitled to do exactly what you god damn want! The fact that you have had cancer does not mean that you have to now punish yourself. If you enjoy drinking and smoking - you just do it! The fact that you have already suffered cancer and survived it gives you every right to do what pleases you - life is for enjoying yourself!

We all do things that aren't good for our bodies - no-one is perfect. I have the BRCA2 cancer gene so am at high risk of getting one of numerous cancers and no amount of being fit and healthy is going to make one jot of difference to me. I get well meaning people sometimes advising me that I should avoid alcohol amongst many other things and I have to remind them (without loosing my patience) that it won't make any difference to me and I will jolly well continue to enjoy my drinking - it keeps me sane! Keeping your santity in all this is just as important (if not more...) as keeping your body healthy.

I can understand why you are immediately thinking the worst with your throat - it's understandable after what you have been through. Every little twinge and lump I get I worry it is cancer.

I hope everything has turned out okay and you have been given the all clear.

Love Jax x

Hi Julie

I had cancer myself ten years ago and smoked throughout! My husband has just been diagnosed and stopped smoking straight away, which I personally think was foolish but it's his choice.

Listen - this is what I did: the chemo made eveything taste so bad it was purgatory to have a cigarette, it made me retch and feel awful. And after every dose of chemo, I would force myself to have that first cigarette no matter how it made me feel. Once I was in hospital for three days without a cigarette and the smart-alecks on the ward were saying I should use this as an opportunity to give up. Not I. As soon as I was out of there I had a cigarette although it made me feel dizzy. I think I was just determined to have my own way and not be forced by this b*****d thing to change the way I wanted to live. In those days we still had smoking rooms in our hospital and the atmosphere there (apart from being thick!) was much more cheerful and relaxed than in the non-smoking lounge. I did give up smoking years later but I'm glad I didn't do it whilst I had cancer. In fact one of my doctors told me not even to think of giving up, the stress of giving up would be worse for me than carrying on smoking.

As for Mr Booze - that's the only way we're getting through this. My husband and I used to be weekend drinkers but I don't think a day's gone by since his first scan when we haven't had at least a glass or two. His chemo hasn't started yet, and I hope he gets through it without too much difficulty but when I was on it, however hard I found it to eat, I never, ever had trouble getting down a drink. Pub lunches kept me going: the company, the "normality" I think is important. I couldn't taste the food but I ate it because everyone else was eating and we'd paid for it (I'm in Yorkshire) so I wouldn't waste it. We're using the same technique to help my husband now - in fact we're off again today with some of our lovely friends.

Enjoy!

Hi Julie.  Your post made me want to tell you about myself.  I was diagnosed in September last year with non small cell lung cancer (adrenocarcinoma).  Stage 4.  I had been a smoker since I was 18.  I'm 50 now.  I loved my ciggies and would give anything for one now.  But in September last year, I gave up.  How, I don't know.  I had always been a relaxed smoker, if that makes sense.  I wasn't one to smoke in the street but give me a seat at the seaside or in the garden, and I would really enjoy a smoke.  After being given the news I had, I didn't want to give up, but something told me I had to.  (By the way, I'm not telling you to give up, I think you should do what you want to).

I remember my cancer nurse telling me that it wouldn't be wise maybe to give up smoking and I agreed.  The first 4 months I cried and cried and could have done anything for a ciggie.  Somehow or other, and I don't know how, I did ok with the patches and niquitin mini's.

Fast forward to now and I'm still on the mini's and finding it difficult to come off them.  Even now, I still fancy one.  It's been a very hard year both for me and my family but hopefully ditching those ciggies will help a little.  Only time will tell.  I wish really that I could see into the future.  If my time on this earth is limited, I would certainly pick up a packet of ciggies now and probably smoke the lot!  I don't know this so will continue to be smoke free.

I know what you mean about being "the old me."  Good for you Julie.  You do what you feel best.  All my love.

Hi all, and thank you for contributing to such an emotive and honest thread. It's very comforting to know you're not alone and I admire the frankness and openess in all of your messages. Giving up smoking isn't an easy thing to do but here at Cancer Research UK we know that smoking is a massive contributing factor in all cancers and we feel we wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't at least provide you with the facts and figures so that you can make an informed choice for yourself. There is a wealth of information available on Cancer Help UK and we also have some very powerful statstics on our main website and information for anyone who wants help quitting. Cancer Research UK wants to prevent more people developing and dying from cancer and you can read about our policy on tobacco control and how we are working towards a tobacco free and Cancer free society

Best wishes everyone

Sarah

Cancer Chat

Hi Julie, I lost my wife Tracey to inflamatory breast cancer at the age of 39, she smoked when she was a teenager and drank a few glasses of wine whenever she felt like it. At no time during her illness did anyone say that it was wrong. The support she had was superb from all quarters. I miss her so very much, but would urge her live life the same way all over again (if she had the chance).

Everybody deserves support especially you, so you have my total unswerving unqualified support.

Keep strong

Barney x 

Hi All

I felt a phoney, thats why I haven't logged in for such a long time, as I smoke and drink and have done so throughout my treatment! I am sorry!

Thanks Julie for posting!!

xx

Hello everyone.

I've just come back from a lovely holiday and so touched by all the comments. Sarah's comments meant alot because she's the moderator here and I felt bad bringing the whole subject up and her words were so comforting. But all your contributions to my thread mean so much to me. I know the feeling about being a "phoney" when I'm pressing that self destructive button so hard so many times that I'm surprised every day that I don't spontaneously combust! I went to the doctor a week ago and asked for blood tests for everything including the cancer markers and she agreed to them except for cancer markers, as she told me, that in my case, they had cut the cancer out, so it wouldn't be helpful. I couldn't persuade her, so that was that. I'm waiting for the other blood results and the throat examination and in the meantime, bought on holiday 600 duty free cigs and heaped cocktails on my liver on a beach in front of the med sea!! I loved all of your comments lovely people. Cancer is so rubbish and you all give me a bit of sanity and humility each time I come on here. Love to you all. Julie xxxx

My husband has never smoked, and only drinks occasionally and he now has lung cancer, so don't beat yourself up.I wish you all the best.

Hi Julie

So glad you enjoyed your holiday and hope the change and rest did you good (and those cocktails on the beach - lovely!).  We're not here to judge each other but to support and help and it would be a very miserable world if we couldn't do that.  Cancer is rubbish and it puts us all in the same boat.  I just admire everyones fighting spirit and the ability to help others in spite of having their own cross to bear.

Hang in there Julie.

Love

Carrie

Honesty it the best policy! Stay strong