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I smoke, I drink, I have cancer. I deserve no support

goldielocks
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Ok, so I have been in and out of this site for 2 years now. But I have never heard anyone talk about smoking, sometimes about drinking, but that all seems okay. Do you know, I have had so much support from people on this site and I hope I have returned it to others in some small way, but never have I had a discussion or seen a discussion about smoking on this site. I fear I will alienate those who have supported me or feel that I have betrayed those I have tried to support I guess. I'm not a tramp (although it wouldn't matter if I was), I'm a successful well paid manager. I have or had cancer for the last 2 years and I smoke and I drink. There it is. I don't need to hear that it's bad, because I know it is. When I was diagnosed, I did give up (both), but when I started to get better, I started again. For me, I just wanted to feel normal again, the old me, not the new cancer victim me. I'm sorry to those that fight this and I continue to press that self destruction button. Obviously I'm not that sorry because I continue to do it. I'm sure this entry will inspire some antagonism or self help support, I just want to tell the truth. I'm sorry. Julie xxx

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    Hi All

    I felt a phoney, thats why I haven't logged in for such a long time, as I smoke and drink and have done so throughout my treatment! I am sorry!

    Thanks Julie for posting!!

    xx

  • Offline in reply to arabrab

    Hello everyone.

    I've just come back from a lovely holiday and so touched by all the comments. Sarah's comments meant alot because she's the moderator here and I felt bad bringing the whole subject up and her words were so comforting. But all your contributions to my thread mean so much to me. I know the feeling about being a "phoney" when I'm pressing that self destructive button so hard so many times that I'm surprised every day that I don't spontaneously combust! I went to the doctor a week ago and asked for blood tests for everything including the cancer markers and she agreed to them except for cancer markers, as she told me, that in my case, they had cut the cancer out, so it wouldn't be helpful. I couldn't persuade her, so that was that. I'm waiting for the other blood results and the throat examination and in the meantime, bought on holiday 600 duty free cigs and heaped cocktails on my liver on a beach in front of the med sea!! I loved all of your comments lovely people. Cancer is so rubbish and you all give me a bit of sanity and humility each time I come on here. Love to you all. Julie xxxx

  • Offline in reply to goldielocks

    Hi Julie

    So glad you enjoyed your holiday and hope the change and rest did you good (and those cocktails on the beach - lovely!).  We're not here to judge each other but to support and help and it would be a very miserable world if we couldn't do that.  Cancer is rubbish and it puts us all in the same boat.  I just admire everyones fighting spirit and the ability to help others in spite of having their own cross to bear.

    Hang in there Julie.

    Love

    Carrie

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  • Offline in reply to goldielocks

    Hi Julie

    So glad you enjoyed your holiday and hope the change and rest did you good (and those cocktails on the beach - lovely!).  We're not here to judge each other but to support and help and it would be a very miserable world if we couldn't do that.  Cancer is rubbish and it puts us all in the same boat.  I just admire everyones fighting spirit and the ability to help others in spite of having their own cross to bear.

    Hang in there Julie.

    Love

    Carrie

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