Hi All

I felt a phoney, thats why I haven't logged in for such a long time, as I smoke and drink and have done so throughout my treatment! I am sorry!

Thanks Julie for posting!!

xx

Hello everyone.

I've just come back from a lovely holiday and so touched by all the comments. Sarah's comments meant alot because she's the moderator here and I felt bad bringing the whole subject up and her words were so comforting. But all your contributions to my thread mean so much to me. I know the feeling about being a "phoney" when I'm pressing that self destructive button so hard so many times that I'm surprised every day that I don't spontaneously combust! I went to the doctor a week ago and asked for blood tests for everything including the cancer markers and she agreed to them except for cancer markers, as she told me, that in my case, they had cut the cancer out, so it wouldn't be helpful. I couldn't persuade her, so that was that. I'm waiting for the other blood results and the throat examination and in the meantime, bought on holiday 600 duty free cigs and heaped cocktails on my liver on a beach in front of the med sea!! I loved all of your comments lovely people. Cancer is so rubbish and you all give me a bit of sanity and humility each time I come on here. Love to you all. Julie xxxx

Hi Julie

So glad you enjoyed your holiday and hope the change and rest did you good (and those cocktails on the beach - lovely!).  We're not here to judge each other but to support and help and it would be a very miserable world if we couldn't do that.  Cancer is rubbish and it puts us all in the same boat.  I just admire everyones fighting spirit and the ability to help others in spite of having their own cross to bear.

Hang in there Julie.

Love

Carrie

Hi Goldielocks (Julie)

I feel as though i am the worlds worst non smoker and have lived with a smoker for nearly 30 years i have begged and threatened him to stop always saying if he got cancer then it was his own fault and i would walk away. how my words came back to haunt me when he didget cancer,  was i angry with him sure i was. do i ever feel he deserved Cancer never ever no one deserves this evil disease smoker, drinker, or foodie (which i am). Life teaches us some cruel lessons and this was my time to learn a lesson my husband has given up smoking (well i believe he has) but smoker or non smoker i am here and fighting in his corner evry day, I still cannot agree with smoking (as i said i am the worlds worst non smoker) but i do believe every one has the right to live their lives the best way they can and would not appreciate anyone telling me that i cannot do something that is perfectly legal to do in this country. So carry on getting through life and fighting this evil disease i truley hope you win the battle perminantly smoker or non smoker you have never ever  deserved this either and you deserve every treatment and cure their is and all the love and support of everyone.

Thank you for this post i hope i have not offended anyone with my personal views

Lets all hope the cure for this evil disease is not to far away

love and best wishes

Luckyus

Hello Luckuus

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. I never thought about it from your point of view. I guess, I have always levitated to smokers in my life, so my husband does and never gave up when I was diagnosed, even though I did. And the evil drink still reared it's ugly head to make us feel more guilty. I think I am angry really more than anything else that It has this hold on me, makes me weak. I can have all the best excuses in the world to try to exonerate myself or get all sanctimoniuous about the fact that it's my life etc etc. But in reality, it just brings me more fear and denial that I have any responsibility over my own health . Other kind people say that others get cancer without having to succumbed themeselves to this risk, but I know deep in my soul that I am doing myelf no favours by continuing. My main purpose I thought at the time was to be "normal" again after all the traumas and stoma and scares, and it worked only because at the moment at least, the cancer has gone or is hiding. Now, I've been normal for a while and the fear of it coming back ( although not dominating my life) is very real and not smoking would very definitely help my nstate of mind. I am going to try and give up again. Oh, this post is all about me, me, me!! As I said I thank you for taking the time to talk to me about this and I really hope you and your husband get through it. All my love Julie xxxx

Hello Luckuus

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. I never thought about it from your point of view. I guess, I have always levitated to smokers in my life, so my husband does and never gave up when I was diagnosed, even though I did. And the evil drink still reared it's ugly head to make us feel more guilty. I think I am angry really more than anything else that It has this hold on me, makes me weak. I can have all the best excuses in the world to try to exonerate myself or get all sanctimoniuous about the fact that it's my life etc etc. But in reality, it just brings me more fear and denial that I have any responsibility over my own health . Other kind people say that others get cancer without having to succumbed themeselves to this risk, but I know deep in my soul that I am doing myelf no favours by continuing. My main purpose I thought at the time was to be "normal" again after all the traumas and stoma and scares, and it worked only because at the moment at least, the cancer has gone or is hiding. Now, I've been normal for a while and the fear of it coming back ( although not dominating my life) is very real and not smoking would very definitely help my nstate of mind. I am going to try and give up again. Oh, this post is all about me, me, me!! As I said I thank you for taking the time to talk to me about this and I really hope you and your husband get through it. All my love Julie xxxx

Hi Julie

I think smoking and Cancer are very emotive subjects when joined together, and i am sorry for hijacking your thread but as "Susan" says she has never smoked or drank well i do neither as well (and all my friends know this) but they also know (my lecture side again) as a child both my parents smoked and held some great parties over the years and i remember as a child (11 or 12) goining outside in the dark in winter because the house was so tick with smoke it was making my eyes water. So when i say i havnt smoked i havnt but spent 20 years in a very smoky house until i had my  own children and banned it from our own home (and car) the thing i am trying to say is god forbid i ever have this evil cruel disease i know some of my (later life) friends would say "she got cancer and never smoked" but really i did for 20 years. Right rant over again for today. My husband is doing great back to the hospital in a couple of weeks it is only just a year since we found out and yes we still dread going to the hospital incase they say its back. i truely hope this cancer has left your body forever and you become one of those smokers that live untill they are 101 years old.

Sending you a big hug

Luckyus