Hi John,

Feel a bit more reassured about the neutrophils now-I think I am more anxious because it is the last one and I am desperate to have some 'normal' time.Iwill feel happier if I get through the next week in one piece.

So pleased to hear I will be able to eat what I like-to be honest it's only fairly recently I discovered I was eating lots of things I wasn't supposed to and I have been ok so far!

I am less depressed now-I think the steroids make me very down in mood.

Was swimming with the dolphins as magical as it sounds?Hope Mary is ok and not feeling too low now she's back-I know I am always apprehensive before scans and clinic.

Thanks again for answering my questions it's so much better from someone who has gone through the same thing than trawling through endless research on the Internet .

Best wishes

Anne x

Hi Anne,

I'm glad you are feeling more re-assured now, it's very easy and understandable to worry about anything and everything, but so important to enjoy life as and when you can, but of course you need to be sensible about things.

Mary is having her scan as I write this, and we will see the consultant this afternoon for the results. I expect she will need more treatment even though she is feeling really good at the moment - apart from being anxious. I will let you know later how it goes.

Yes, the dolphin swim was really good, the whole day was so relaxing although the dolphin interaction was only about 20 minutes. I have added a photo to my profile.

Best wishes,

John

x

edit: Mary saw the prof this afternoon, he was very pleased with her scan results and doesn't want to see her again for 3 months. Perhaps the holiday did her good, it's certainly a relief.

Message was edited by: JohnMillbrook

Hi John,

I agree that it is important to enjoy life as and when you can but sometimes it is difficult to stay strong.This forum and our chats help a lot as I try to keep things as normal as possible at home particularly for my daughter who gets very upset every time I go near a hospital.I have not joined the hospital cancer support group as I prefer to be with friends who knew me before I had cancer and time with my family is more precious than ever.

We had a wonderful day at my son's graduation yesterday and I hope to be there next year when he does his masters but I did feel very sad at the same time because realistically I won't be there for my daughter.I still have days when I wake up and can't believe this is happening to me.

How relieved you and Mary must be that the scan was ok I am really pleased for you both -you will be able to enjoy more breaks and holidays together!I intend having a very busy and enjoyable summer once the school holidays start.

I don't know about you but I find having cancer is very expensive!!I buy my daughter more clothes than ever to cheer her up,I go out for lunch with friends a lot and I am always planning short breaks and holidays!Have you been to Lisbon?I found it a lovely city for a short break and it is apparently the cheapest of the European cities.We can only go on holidays when the schools are off and prices can be extortionate particularly when I can no longer plan and book in advance.

I am going to finish and look at your dolphin picture!I am not brave enough yet to post photographs-I wouldn't like any of my friends to come across it and read all my ramblings!

Have a good weekend and celebrate the beginning of another good three months!

Thank you for listening and for all your good advice

Anne x

Hi Anne,

I'm so glad that you had such a good day at your son's graduation, it's so important to be at those special events, you must be very proud of him. Never give up hope of being there for your daughter, yes we have to be realistic, but there have been some major advances in treatment over recent years so you never know how things will turn out.

I know what you mean about friends finding your ramblings on here, I like to discuss things with people like yourself who are on a similar journey - but prefer to keep relationships with friends and family as normal as possible. That's why I do not use our real names on public forums, although the chances of friends and family stumbling across my posts are pretty unlikely and not really a big deal if they do.

We are already thinking about booking another week away somewhere, probably in September - the weather has been so awful this summer, we just want some more sunshine! We visited Lisbon once when we were on holiday in Estoril about 25 years ago, but it was just for a few hours so we didn't see much of it. Again, I'm apprehensive about booking early incase Mary becomes unwell again, but leaving it to the last minute sometimes means that all the nicest hotels are fully booked, and the flights are more expensive - tricky one! We were thinking about going all-inclusive as we've never tried it before.

Mary is talking about going back to work part time, but as she works at a college they are starting to say that staff cannot take their leave during term time, so as with you, holidays would get a lot more expensive.

Take care,

John

x

Hi John,

Very impressed with Mary wanting to go back to work-she must be feeling quite well.

I am out and about a lot at the moment making up for all those times I didn't feel well enough.

I am beginning to feel less depressed and am trying to enjoy life while I can-I think the steroids had a very bad effect on me.

I have an appointment with my oncologist before my holiday and then it will be three monthly.I still find living with uncertainty very difficult.My last ca-125 was 10 which is good but that doesn't mean it won't creep back up.

Apparently my ca-125 will be monitored every 3 months which is fine but will discuss when treatment would start if it rises as my understanding from reading research is that it is better to wait until symptoms appear which can be several months to a year after increase in ca-125 .Quality of life would be better and this does not affect length of life.Treatment seems to vary in different hospitals so it is sometimes difficult to know if you are making the best choice.

I am enjoying good wine and looking forward to being able to eat all those forbidden foods again-I haven't been ultra neurotic about it just a bit careful I find you always crave what you aren't supposed to have!

Your picture with the dolphins is really lovely- you all look so happy -like my family on a good day!

The recent sunshine has been very welcome-it's lovely just to be able to sit in the garden and I am having a daily walk now,trying to go a little further each day so that I get fit again-I got very fatigued during chemotherapy and consequently didn't get much exercise.I am really looking forward to swimming and hope to do some cycling soon.

I hope Mary continues to feel well .

Best wishes

Anne x

Dear John,

Thank you for letting me know about Mary-I feel really really upset and sad.

I followed Mary's journey as described by you from the beginning and felt our situations were very similar and had we met we would probably have got on very well.

From your posts I could tell what a lovely kind man you are and how much you loved Mary-you did everything you could possibly do to make the time after the diagnosis as happy and hopeful as anyone could and I am sure she appreciated and understood that.I am glad that you have a lovely family and friends to support you.

I totally understand that you may not wish to post on this forum anymore but I would like to thank you for the kindness and support you have given me-it meant a lot and your little messages cheered me up.

If you ever need to talk or need support in the future I would be more than happy to help.

Thinking of you

Anne

Dear Anne,

Thank you so much for your kindness, yes I felt too that you probably would have got on well with Mary. I cannot believe how fast things changed for Mary, the last time I posted on this thread I was full of optimism and was trying to encourage you to stay positive. I had feared at the time that we may have lost some of the other ladies on here due to their long absence. I am sorry that my news has upset you but my message is still the same, please try to remain positive and have faith.

I am expecting the crem chapel to be packed to standing room only on the 25th, there were about 120 people at Mary's 50th birthday party last year and I have a feeling there will be a lot more for the celebration of her life.

Did you have your holiday? I can't remember now when you were going. If so, I hope you had a wonderful time.

I'm so glad if I have helped you and others a little, I have personally found many people on this forum to be very helpful to me during our darkest moments.

Take care,

John

x

Dear John,

I am very touched that you found the time to reply to me considering all you are going through at the moment.

About grieving I think we all cope and react in different ways and at different times and we do a lot of grieving from the moment of diagnosis-the reality is that my life as it was has been taken away and trying to make the best of what I have been left with is not very easy as you know only too well.

Anyway I did have a lovely holiday thank you.I am back to being a lady who lunches and enjoying every minute I can with my extremely caring and supportive husband and children.

I am sure the celebration of Mary's life will be wonderful,thoughtful and very emotional and I am sure you will have lots of people who are more than happy to support you when you need them.No-one can remain strong all the time.

I won't be returning to this site much in the future -I occasionally browse sites which specifically deal with ovca only where there is more interaction-but I will never ever forget your kindness and support.

Do take care John and thank you so much.I will often think of you and your family.I think your fundraising is wonderful and it will hopefully give you something positive to focus on.

Best wishes

Anne