Hi. It looks like this discussion thread has been going a long time and i hope i will be able to join the community here. I was diagnosed with breast cancer just after xmas and have had a mastectomy last week. I have a secondary tumor in my hip and possibly in my head so will have to face chemo and radiotherapy although I dont know the details as yet. I would love to make friends on here who i can both support and find support from on this journey. I have 2 grown up children and they have surprised me recently as to how supportive they can be. It certainly is a case of role reversal in my house. Chassis x x

Hi Chassis

Welcome to the place no-one wants to be.Hope you are coping with the mastectomy and glad to see you have support at home.I had mastectomy 4 years ago and have recurrance in the lymph glands in my neck and chest .I have been on chemo for 2 years to contain it and like you have 2 grown up children and 3 grandchildren ,so plenty of reasons to fight on.Hope you have a good medical team looking after you.What part of the world do you live in?We are a well scattered lot on here.

Stay strong.

Rose xxx

Hi Sara, Nina and girls and Tony

Hope you are all well, Sara what you're going through is normal, believe me lol, I used to look in mirror and cry because I had no hair, no eye brows or lashes, these were the worst for me as I had lovely long hair and really long lashes, the boob being a bit deformed really doesn't worry me, its slightly different, more pert than the other lol and the colour has changed because of the radio, like a nice tan on one boob, but im back at work, and going to gym now and then and starting to feel better, the weight gain is only because of the steroids, you'll soon loose that.

Nina, you'll be fine back at work, I feel as tho Ive never been away lol and I was off 11 months.

Hope everyone else is doing ok, Ive got a wee intimate question, hope my friends on here dont mind answering for me lol- since my chemo, the physical side of my relationship has dwindled away and I really dont know how to get it back, I think John feels like he became my carer instead of my lover, things are quite strained between us and Im hoping and praying that everything will be fine, but Ive got a horrible feeling it may not. I was only with john just under 2 years when diagnosed and he has been there for me morning noon and night for 1 year now, before diagnosed we had a great social life lotsa fun etc, but he's kinda done all the socialising on his own for past while as i just didnt feel up to it, didnt want to be seen out with no hair or with a wig, sorry to go on and on but I really dont know where to turn to, and Ive read so many stories on here where partners/husbands have walked out, I honestly couldve said a few months ago john would never leave me, but now im not so sure. Sorry for sounding off but need some advice please xx

hey col, i know where u are coming from, and think i can help but dont want to explain or go into detail here - we all lke to keep certain things personal. please mail me at simplysara1 @ hotmail.com

there is light at the end of the tunnel babe and it can be both fun, sexy and romantic again xxx

Dear Colly

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this at the moment, you have come so far and have been my inspiration, I cant say what is going to happen as indeed none of us can but I can say this, Talk to him, tell him how you are feeling, If he is a good man then he will listen and he will reassure you.

I too felt like you, I found out I had cancer the 1st time only 4 months after I started dating Steve, then just when we think everything is ok ..BANG! it comes back, and this time its worse than ever, cos this time I was going to loose my breast, hair and ability to have anymore children.

I remember saying to Steve.."Look if you want out I will perfectly understand, this is a huge commitment to make "  to which he replied "I'm going nowhere, not now, not tomorrow and not ever" I still sometimes wonder if he wishes he had taken the easier option, but I try not to dwell upon it, you and I are both coming out the other side now and our hair is growing and our lives are coming back together, the physical side will take time, but I am sure it will come back, it maybe that he is just trying to be thoughtful and mindful of how you are feeling, for months I wouldn't let Steve see my body naked and if we made love it would be under the covers and in the dark, but slowly but surely we have gotten more comfortable with the situation and whilst it still isn't ideal it certainly is getting better.

I'm sure that your feelings are part and parcel of this dreaded illness, don't let it win girl your so close to the winning line.

Thinking of you always

Lee xxxxxxx

Hi Lee

Thanks for your post, I know Ive come so far and to be honest I thought everything was great, dunno if Ive just took John for granted, presumed he'd always be there for me, it was just something he said the other day re my appointment this fri, he just came out with, he hoped and prayed everything was ok as he didnt think he could handle another year like the one we've just had, he's the one that slagged off the other men who walked out on their partners, but now he seems to be giving up instead of being supportive, he loves me, and fancies me but to be honest i just think he's scared, I tried talking but that was all he said, hopefully weve just hit a sticky patch and everything will be ok. Thanks again xxx

Oh Colly I do hope this is just a glitch hunni, You have been such a support for me and others in here.

My own hubby hasnt even mentioned my cancer, We came home after results I asked if he was ok He said uh huh I asked if he wanted to talk, and he asked What about!!!!! So Ive been here on my own and have not spoken again about it....So I have not had the support from him He may have his thoughts about it but hes never mentioned it. To be honest I wouldnt care if he walked out and thats the truth Sometimes I wish he would lol lol

Anyway Colly You hold your head high gal. Your a lovely lady xx

I am stunned that the lovely and beautiful ladies that have assisted me and others through cancer are having to question their partners loyalty and commitment when they need it most. I am lost for words but just want to say that am here for you all.

Nothing more to say.

Much Love

Tony xxx

It is tough "hanging in there!" I never questioned my "stay-ability" with my partner as she went through the various stages of her treatment. At the same time I was training for my first London Marathon and where I would drive her too and from hospital, talk to her about "stuff" and be there when times were low, she'd kick me out in the freezing rain to make sure I got my training runs in! The joint result? We are together, she's two years clear and a couple of weeks ago she was there to see me "get round London."

I am not, for one minute, suggesting everyone encourages their partners to run a marathon, but finding a joint interest away from the illness really helped us. It wasn't going to go away like a cold but we tried our best not to let it rule our lives.

Phil x

hi ladies

glad to hear some have had their boobs sorted out. you lucky buggers! sara ive been lobsided since before cancer but its much worse since radio n have had a fillet? (cant think what its called) since january or so. surgeon wont touch my boobs til pain is bearable. dont know when that will be but my pad makes me feel better in clothes. im sure if you asked about it bc nurse would make app for you to get one. that would be one thing off your mind. i hope you start to feel better soon.

im so glad you are feeling better rose n hope you all had a lovely week away with your family. just what was needed for you! good news about the tranfusion making you feel better too. hows your heart been? n chemo tablets? the sun definately made me feel better but keep over doing things n then cant move for a couple of days. so quite pleased its not so warm so i can rest a little more! had a couple of days when i cant get out of bed n dont like them. i'd like to say that walking is easier but i dont think it is much. arm feels better due to med but im as docile as ever cos of it!

im sorry to hear the knee op wasnt a great sucess nina. i dont blame you for not wanting to have more surgery either especially knee ops! ouch. the next one is knee replacement isnt it? im sure you will be fine when you go back to work hun. youre thinking about it too much. just take your time.

oh colly was sad to read your post. im sure he didnt mean anything by it, i mean who would want to go through it again! as you start to feel less tired n more confident things will fall into place. will chat with you on facebook hun.

hope everyone else is getting on ok. by the way im smoke free for over 3 months now. still cant believe i smoked through chemo n the side affects i had mind! ouch.

love to you all. leonie xxxxx

hi tony

was just wondering how you are feeling now? are the meds helping the pain levels n have you managed to get out on yer bike??

love leonie xxx

Hi Leonie,

Meds have cut the sharp edges off of my pain although I still have my moments. The next step is an MRI to try and get to the bottom of where the pain is coming from. I have been stuck in my bed for the past 6 weeks and so unfortunately have not had a chance to get out on my bike :-(

Hopefully things will brighten up soon and I can take advantage of the sunny weather.

T xxxx

Hi Leonie,

Meds have cut the sharp edges off of my pain although I still have my moments. The next step is an MRI to try and get to the bottom of where the pain is coming from. I have been stuck in my bed for the past 6 weeks and so unfortunately have not had a chance to get out on my bike :-(

Hopefully things will brighten up soon and I can take advantage of the sunny weather.

T xxxx