Hello everyone, I have just been catching up on the news.  It is great to hear that some of us have finished the chemo (my last one was last week) and although we have rads to go and maybe other treatments like herceptin in my case, it is the end of a chapter in our cancer book.  Like me some of you may have thought about the future and are we ever going to be completely free of it, but as Scarlett O'Hara said 'tomorrow is another day and I will worry about that then'.  As for now, Christmas is around the corner, it is a time for giving and sharing with family and friends and being cheerful so that is what I am going to do.  I am feeling very emotional, I think it is all the coping that I have done and now I need to let the relief out.  I have been planning holidays, days out, trips etc for next year and cannot wait to enjoy my life again with my lovely husband who has supported me through this journey.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation Kylie and hope that something is getting sorted.

Nina and Lonie my birthday is Jan 17th (52) so I will raise a glass with you on your birthdays.

Colly I have gone through the change with the night sweats and hot flushes and it all came back when I was having the chemo, so I hope that soon stops.  Afraid alcohol makes it worse, exercise helps a lot though, that is one thing I cannot wait to get back to.  I too have bought some false eyelashes to try.  The hair is growing and I may even brave no wig on a trip out!

Thanks to you all for the posts you have written on here as it has really helped me get through.

Love to you all

Anne

x

Hi Colly

so sorry I havnt been intouch, went to my friends in kendal for 2 weeks and have just got a puppy! its like having a baby all over again dont seem to have anytime to myself, Im doing well in myself and can start to see signs of my hair coming thru hope you are well and love to everyone have to go... dog is whining again...he he talk soon xxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone.

Lee its lovely to here from you. What sort of puppy have you got and what have you called him/her. My hair has grown back only about a cm allover but I quite like it. You will be amazed how quickly it gets to that stage once its stated to pop throw. Hope your ok!

Hope you are all okandwonderedif you have all had snow!!!

Ithink it wouldbe lovely to try to have a get together next year is anyone upfor it?!

Lots of Love

Louise

Hi Louise, its a staffie and she is called Bella, she is so tiny and cute but very very demanding!! I keep checking my hair everyday its nice to see some fluff there, but cant wait to get some real stuff growing, how long is it since you finished your chemo, its been six weeks for me now, gosh how time flies, have had a little snow but am right by the sea so I think the salt keeps it at bay, hope everyone is well and looking forward to christmas, and I would defo be up for meeting everyone, hopefully sometime next year.

lots of love lee xxxxxxxx

Hello all my lovelies,

Even in the midst of dispair, there are so many wonderful words and so much love and warmth - as always - from all of you.   It took a little while for me to catch up on the posts I can tell you.  I am doing really well - thank you for thinking of me.  I just seem to have been really busy although I can't say what with. The grandchildren - housework - christmas and so on.

Anyway, firstly - the anger thing, I have felt very angry and found myself making the most awful comments about all sorts of things and even rowing with the telly. Mmmmm yes stupid. But then the other night I just lost it. I had a turban towel on my head (as usual) and my other halfs over sized dressing gown. As i walked back into the bedroom with two mugs of tea, he just happened to say 'You look like Ena Sharples'.  Yup, you guessed it, long drawn out 'discussion'. It sort of transpired through the conversation - the sort of questions and answers you have during 'one of those conversations' that I kept saying to him that he made me angry. When he asked why i found myself saying that it was because he could see me without my hair, and without my tooth when my mouth was sore. i was angry that I was coping with the majority of side effects until I passed a mirror. The wig looks like a wig  - to me at least- and it keeps falling off as i have an odd shaped head. The scarves look blooming awful on me and the little wisps of hair i have are white. Long after the conversation I realised I was angry at things I couldn't change, and angry at them beacuase I was frustrated with the diagnosis, surgery and subsequent treatments and the possible outcomes - good and bad. i have felt much better since I sort of analysed what i was angry about.

Then reading about radiation and heart damage, I remembered it too was something we discussed. I am still half thinking about a double mastectomy and reconstruction which will reduce the amount of radiation I have been advised to have. The radiation worries me more than the chemo. We are all so different and different things affect and worry us for different reasons. And i think it is easier for me as I am following so many of you - behind by one or two chemo sessions. When I see your progress reports it inspires me. There was a period where I wondered if it was worth it - but I realised it was just a sort of depresson over losing the hair.

Kylie - you know by my email i am thinking of you, I didn't realise things had got that bad, please email me again.

There seems to be good news and not such good news mixed in with all the messages I have read today. But please remember, that recurrence although really scary isn't always the doom and gloom that our minds tell us it is. i wish I had the right words to make you feel better but hope cyber sent hugs will help.

I decided to shop today, and bought some new skin cream - oh so indulgent - and it felt lovely after a deep pore cleanse and an oiled head. I bought some stretchy alice bands with flowers on and a couple of soft beany hats. No need for the turbie towel now at least. I also got some false eyelashes and i can't wait to try them although I am nervous about the fitting. The eyebrows are starting to go so i am gonig to practice with pencils tomorrow. I also decided next pay day to treat myself to a short funky wig so when my hair grows back i wil be able to adjust to the new style and get rid of the long itcy wig i have at the moment. Has any one else found that without natural 'side burns' the wig just looks like a wig or is it just me?  I also got some circular knitting needles. I have been knitting a lot - keeps me sane and tried them out today. Oh my god, they are brilliant in one sense, but so odd compared to long normal needles. Lets hope i have the patience to use them and make the hats i promissed myself.

In the meantime everyone, thank you for thinking of me. You are all in my thoughts as always.

love Sara xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Sara

Just had to type and say a big thank you, your post must have been written just for me .my husband has vocal cord cancer. and last night the boiler packed up at 9pm. i was so shocked at how angry he was and how it was all MY fault big heated discucussion followed. felt really angry myself at him this morning but after reading your post i will try to remember that he is on a different stress level at the moment. this site is so amazing. Thank you for helping me.

hugs

Luckyus 

Hi Lonie and you other lovely ladies.

Caroline get back on here as soon as you feel able,we miss you and as I am extremely nosey I want to know that you are OK

Well girls I have had a very exciting time .Before i start remember that me BC was an extremely aggressive blighter so I am not a normal case so dont panic.

As you know I have had problems with my heart since a previous treatment and was due to see the specialist next Monday but last Thurs night i felt grotty and vomited when I stood up so in the morning my husband rang our GP and he came out at 9 and my BP was 154/50 so he rang the ambulance and I was admitted with blue light flashing,sooooo exciting straight into the procedure room where 2 doctors and 2 nurses were waiting .I watched as a doctorexplained everything on a scanner while another used a needle into my pericardium around my heart and drained off just under 1 litre of fluid.How on earth can that much be there ?My heart immediately started to fill the space again and I was in the ward eating tea by 4 oclock,feeling drained (excuse the pun) but able to breath.How good is the NHS?So its on with the new chemo and only good things allowed for us all in 2011.I now have to try to put on weight for the first time in my life so When its time for Christmas pud I wont be doing the usual "oh I.ll just have another sprout coz I had a mince pie 3 days ago",it will be yes with loads of cream.!!!

Hope you are keeping strong girls and things will work out for you Kylie

Rose xxx

Oh Rose, what a time you have had! i agree about the wonderful NHS, I can't fault them. You always make me smile - I'm trying to lose a little bit of weight - just a couple of pounds or four, would you like them? It's these horrid steriods but who knows - maybe they'll change my meds

The sun was shining bright here today and so while the house was empty I did all the little bits and pieces that needed doing (knackered now) and then on the news looked at the snow elsewhere. funny how our minds become one tracked - all i could think of was thank goodness it doesn't get too bad here- I'll be ableto get to chemo next week. not even worried about xmas shopping. How are you all coping where you are? and yes CAZ WHERE R U? we miss you and hope you are okay.

Love sara

Hi everyone

Rose i am so sorry u have had this recent incicdent you have already been thru so much !u r amazing ! i hope u dnot mind me saying but when i was first diagnosed u helped me so much u r always the first person to help others i hope we all help u xxxx i think of u a lot thnk u x

how is everyone how is caz ?

lee caz colly patricia i am so keen to here your news xx care so much about how u all r ??

iam ok i have to say hate the chemo dread it (next is monday 13th dec) iam watchin footie (iam footie mad ) wont say team in case u go off me xx

thanks for add on fac ebook xx1

looking forward to christmas and spoiling my wonderful family they have been thru so much in last few months !

I think they go thru at laest the same if not more anx xx

love and hugs to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx