Hi everyone its been a long time since Ive been on AGAIN because the computer has been playing up AGAIN and its made me very  . could do with a new one but this time of year its an expense we can't afford! I've been reading back a few posts but it will take me forever to catch up so wondered if you could all just update me on how you are all doing!! Its lovely to be back in the community I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster last two months and am waiting for the straight jacket to arrive lol!! Seriously does anyone else get really angry!! My anger has been uncontrollable at times with me even smashing a wall and it has really upset me!!

Please be intouch

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL

Louise

Hi Louise

Sorry to hear you are having problems with your computer and your emotions.I dont get angry because I find it just leaves me feeling worse in the long run,plus my last treatment has damaged my heart so at the moment I cant get stressed.Waiting to see the heart specialist in 2 weeks and when he gives me a magic pill I will be fine.You have been through so much for so long.Can you have some sort of therapy or a massage or reiki treatment to help?Being on here should help to unload so rant away and let us help.No more wall hitting!!!

Stay strong

Rose xx

Hi

I am sorry the cards have fallen against you .Perhaps you were a General in another life as it sounds like you come out fighting.I hope the christmas angels show up and bring you better luck or failing that have you tried the macmillian nurses for financial advice.I think sometimes you can get loans.

I agree Macmillan do a huge amount. I have worked as a volunteer in a fundraising office for them in the past, and I was amazed at the services they offer.

Give them a bell 0808-808-00-00

RD

Hi leonie, grumpy and rd,

I'm doing ok leonie, the car was taken today and it wasn't so bad. Just depressing how illness can do this. My mum is staying with us at the moment to help me with my mobility and just be a mum to help out! The hardest part is my daughter really not knowing what to tell her.

Grumpy and rd I am going to the council and the lady was lovely and will try and get us temporary accommodation, but my being ill helps us slightly. Only good thing to come from it I guess. I will phone macmillian tomorrow too as I haven't been given a nurse yet a d just ask what they can do to help.

I just want to say thank you all of you for your kind words and support. Everything just seems surreal!

I hope you're all having a good day?

Love Kylie xxx

Hi Kylie

Looks like you are well and truly up to your eyes!

I have helped my mum get of of a major fix, I have been through the money mill too. There are many an option available. I am no expert but may be able to help a little with sites etc. Feel free to message me. You need to put all your strength into getting better. Drs will agree that a happier head helps towards both feeling better and getting better.

RD

Hello Ladies and Tony

Hope this finds you all well.

Well I have some good news for once, I finished my Radiotherapy yesterday so no more daily appointments again yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. It was quite funny really as when I walked out from having it the other patients waiting to go in alll started clapping and cheering so of course I took a kirtsy lol. It felt so good I can not explain it, I do not mean to put a downer on anyone who is still having treatment regardless at where they are in it but what a feeling, so good luck to you all, I am still thinking of you all.

I do have some appointments coming up with my specialists but hey now I can start looking to the future and get my head around everything that has gone on the past 10 months, what with all the surgery, chemo etc and of course my disgusting soon to be ex-husband who decided to have an affair just after my operation. I am told I will now be able to have my reconstruction next September so I can wait for that as I have booked 2 holidays one to Turkey with the girly's and one to Cuba with friends, I will make up for what I missed this year and to top it all I am going out shopping tomorrow to treat myself, oh what bliss.

Tony how are you doing I have been thinking about you and your family since I read one of your posts, I hope all is going well, please let us know. I know you said you would be in touch but hey you have always been there for us Ladies so now it's our turn again, a big hug and kiss is sent to you and your family

Colly what have you been up to

Lonie how are things with you

Has anyone spoken to or heard from Sara lately as I know she always use to put messages up but I have not seen any from her for a while, I was just wandering how she got on at the doctors when she went back with the infection etc.

Harryeleri so sorry to read your news I hope when you go and see the specialist it makes you feel better in yourself

Kylieanne I cannot believe these companies do they have no compassion, I just wish there was something that I could do to help you, I am sure when you speak to Mcmillan or other's they will be able to help you in some way, please let us know how it all goes and I will be thinking of you.

Well All I better stop now, take care and have a great weekend.

Littlesis

Hi Littlesis

Good news about your treatment.

I understand about the clapping! When my partner completed her treatment I had a trophy made. It was the world's first "Thank FEC That's Over Award"

Enjoy Turkey. We went there soon after treatment. It was a good break.

Take care

RD

Hi to everyone

I'v just been catching up on last couple of days posts and want to thank you all for your comments and actually Lonie I think your right there is always someone worse of than yourself so my anger is not going to get the better of me (although sometimes I wonder if the medication has an affect). 

Kylie I was just wondering if you had sorted anything out and wether macmillan have offered any help. I was just talking to my partner and I know this might seem silly but have you tought of contacting your local MP. It is completely out of order that you are having to go through this when you are suffering with the illnesses you have. I wish there was something I could do to help please let us know how you are geting on.

Couldany one let me know whats happened to Tony I can't seem to find an up date Is  he ok?

Littlesis congrats on completing your treatment and you are right to book your hols it will be nice to have something to look forward to. Ididnt realise that about your ex husband how insensitive. I hope you are doing ok you sound like you have alot of good friends.

Whats the snow like for everyone?! We have had 2 feet on our back garden and the road on the estate has been unpassable we have had to dig ourselves out!!

Be in touch

LoveLou

Hi littlesis well done now that your treatment is over you can get on and enjoy your life, 2 holidays gives you something to look forward too, love coming your way, Lou, tony has been on recently, he is going through more chemo, but is upbeat aqnd klind as usual, kylie, i really feel for you I hope everything works out and you can be re housed. Ive just fionished my first week of Radio, 5 more to go, roll on 2011 when my treatment is over and I will def be going away somewhere hot in Feb, then onwards and upwards to getting stronger, my hair will be back in, my nails will have grown and i'll feel fab-God willing. Leonie hope youre well, Lee im getting worried about you babes, let me know youre ok, hi to anyone ive missed. Have a fab weekend Col x

Hello everyone, I have just been catching up on the news.  It is great to hear that some of us have finished the chemo (my last one was last week) and although we have rads to go and maybe other treatments like herceptin in my case, it is the end of a chapter in our cancer book.  Like me some of you may have thought about the future and are we ever going to be completely free of it, but as Scarlett O'Hara said 'tomorrow is another day and I will worry about that then'.  As for now, Christmas is around the corner, it is a time for giving and sharing with family and friends and being cheerful so that is what I am going to do.  I am feeling very emotional, I think it is all the coping that I have done and now I need to let the relief out.  I have been planning holidays, days out, trips etc for next year and cannot wait to enjoy my life again with my lovely husband who has supported me through this journey.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation Kylie and hope that something is getting sorted.

Nina and Lonie my birthday is Jan 17th (52) so I will raise a glass with you on your birthdays.

Colly I have gone through the change with the night sweats and hot flushes and it all came back when I was having the chemo, so I hope that soon stops.  Afraid alcohol makes it worse, exercise helps a lot though, that is one thing I cannot wait to get back to.  I too have bought some false eyelashes to try.  The hair is growing and I may even brave no wig on a trip out!

Thanks to you all for the posts you have written on here as it has really helped me get through.

Love to you all

Anne

x

Hi Colly

so sorry I havnt been intouch, went to my friends in kendal for 2 weeks and have just got a puppy! its like having a baby all over again dont seem to have anytime to myself, Im doing well in myself and can start to see signs of my hair coming thru hope you are well and love to everyone have to go... dog is whining again...he he talk soon xxxxxxxxx

Hi Colly

so sorry I havnt been intouch, went to my friends in kendal for 2 weeks and have just got a puppy! its like having a baby all over again dont seem to have anytime to myself, Im doing well in myself and can start to see signs of my hair coming thru hope you are well and love to everyone have to go... dog is whining again...he he talk soon xxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone.

Lee its lovely to here from you. What sort of puppy have you got and what have you called him/her. My hair has grown back only about a cm allover but I quite like it. You will be amazed how quickly it gets to that stage once its stated to pop throw. Hope your ok!

Hope you are all okandwonderedif you have all had snow!!!

Ithink it wouldbe lovely to try to have a get together next year is anyone upfor it?!

Lots of Love

Louise

Hi Louise, its a staffie and she is called Bella, she is so tiny and cute but very very demanding!! I keep checking my hair everyday its nice to see some fluff there, but cant wait to get some real stuff growing, how long is it since you finished your chemo, its been six weeks for me now, gosh how time flies, have had a little snow but am right by the sea so I think the salt keeps it at bay, hope everyone is well and looking forward to christmas, and I would defo be up for meeting everyone, hopefully sometime next year.

lots of love lee xxxxxxxx

Hello all my lovelies,

Even in the midst of dispair, there are so many wonderful words and so much love and warmth - as always - from all of you.   It took a little while for me to catch up on the posts I can tell you.  I am doing really well - thank you for thinking of me.  I just seem to have been really busy although I can't say what with. The grandchildren - housework - christmas and so on.

Anyway, firstly - the anger thing, I have felt very angry and found myself making the most awful comments about all sorts of things and even rowing with the telly. Mmmmm yes stupid. But then the other night I just lost it. I had a turban towel on my head (as usual) and my other halfs over sized dressing gown. As i walked back into the bedroom with two mugs of tea, he just happened to say 'You look like Ena Sharples'.  Yup, you guessed it, long drawn out 'discussion'. It sort of transpired through the conversation - the sort of questions and answers you have during 'one of those conversations' that I kept saying to him that he made me angry. When he asked why i found myself saying that it was because he could see me without my hair, and without my tooth when my mouth was sore. i was angry that I was coping with the majority of side effects until I passed a mirror. The wig looks like a wig  - to me at least- and it keeps falling off as i have an odd shaped head. The scarves look blooming awful on me and the little wisps of hair i have are white. Long after the conversation I realised I was angry at things I couldn't change, and angry at them beacuase I was frustrated with the diagnosis, surgery and subsequent treatments and the possible outcomes - good and bad. i have felt much better since I sort of analysed what i was angry about.

Then reading about radiation and heart damage, I remembered it too was something we discussed. I am still half thinking about a double mastectomy and reconstruction which will reduce the amount of radiation I have been advised to have. The radiation worries me more than the chemo. We are all so different and different things affect and worry us for different reasons. And i think it is easier for me as I am following so many of you - behind by one or two chemo sessions. When I see your progress reports it inspires me. There was a period where I wondered if it was worth it - but I realised it was just a sort of depresson over losing the hair.

Kylie - you know by my email i am thinking of you, I didn't realise things had got that bad, please email me again.

There seems to be good news and not such good news mixed in with all the messages I have read today. But please remember, that recurrence although really scary isn't always the doom and gloom that our minds tell us it is. i wish I had the right words to make you feel better but hope cyber sent hugs will help.

I decided to shop today, and bought some new skin cream - oh so indulgent - and it felt lovely after a deep pore cleanse and an oiled head. I bought some stretchy alice bands with flowers on and a couple of soft beany hats. No need for the turbie towel now at least. I also got some false eyelashes and i can't wait to try them although I am nervous about the fitting. The eyebrows are starting to go so i am gonig to practice with pencils tomorrow. I also decided next pay day to treat myself to a short funky wig so when my hair grows back i wil be able to adjust to the new style and get rid of the long itcy wig i have at the moment. Has any one else found that without natural 'side burns' the wig just looks like a wig or is it just me?  I also got some circular knitting needles. I have been knitting a lot - keeps me sane and tried them out today. Oh my god, they are brilliant in one sense, but so odd compared to long normal needles. Lets hope i have the patience to use them and make the hats i promissed myself.

In the meantime everyone, thank you for thinking of me. You are all in my thoughts as always.

love Sara xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Sara

Just had to type and say a big thank you, your post must have been written just for me .my husband has vocal cord cancer. and last night the boiler packed up at 9pm. i was so shocked at how angry he was and how it was all MY fault big heated discucussion followed. felt really angry myself at him this morning but after reading your post i will try to remember that he is on a different stress level at the moment. this site is so amazing. Thank you for helping me.

hugs

Luckyus 

Hi to all of you hope you are all ok!

Lee I finished my chemo at the end of September so it hasn't took to long for my hair to cover my head!!

Your little Bella sounds so gorgeous, they are hard work though aren't they we have three dogs Paddy Poppy and Polly the last two are jack russells and the little boy is a jack crossed with a bision frise so they are all little live wires. what has Bella thought of the snow. Paddy ends up with snowballs on his legs!!! Where abouts are you it soundslovely by the sea.

I'm sure the others would like to have a meet up but not everyone might have seen what I have wrote so perhaps me and you could try to sort that it would be so lovely to meet everyone

Take care!!!

LoveLou

hi all

hope things going ok lee i have border collie called Bella we have only had her 2 years she is rescue dog (was abandoned on a road the a27 !! she is fantastic and on my bad days we cuddle up on the sofa!)

I am ok this week my mum has been over (she lives in jersey thats where i am from ) it hard for her to see me on my chemo week but at least she can see iam ok after . we are going to jersey for christmas the first time in 20 years . bella is coming on ferry hope she ok she is a wimp xx

i cant wait for chemo to be over only 2 more to go. i hate seeing my family worry so much about me hate the way it makes me feel .

my husband has very stressful job and wish i could make homelife stress free

i am really looking forward to christmas if this has taught me anything its enjoy life !!

i went on work xmas do last week i wasnt looking forward to it but it was lovely everyone said i looked well and they love the wig its better than my real hair and they said it makes me look younger!bloody cheek!! looks like i will have to have it like that when grows. we have another xmas do 2morrow posh frock black tie thing hope me wig holds up !!

colly u inspired me to have my eyelashes done and it really helps make u feel better i have some but bit thin ,i know they might all go but this should help me get thru party season without looking too scary!!

take care all according to caz blog updated begining of nov she was still struggling hope she is ok.

hi to u too lou (god iam a poet !!)like u sos sos glad we have eachother would be up to meet not sure where every one is from i live on south coast near bognor regis xx

love and hugs nina xxxxxx

hi nina

how can people just abandon there pets like that makes me wonder and it really annoys me, but by the sounds of it  you and she seem to be meant for each other, you certainly are right about what the chemo does to you cos i have just finished my first dose of it and i can say i did not expect to feel like i did but i am fine now so hopefully the next treatment which starts on the 18th dec will be a bit easier to handle but at the end of the day you have to have it so,we will just have to grin and bear it, as it happens i have my works nite out to look forward to this weekend as well so i am looking forward to that and seeing the lads i work with and letting them see that there is plenty life left in me yet,so enjoy your night out and have a lovely xmas and hopefully a happy new year.

   jeff alias (dad1929)