hi im 36 mother of 3 n diagnosed dec 23. ive had 2 ops n 5 of 6 chemo n finding it very hard at mo. feel so peed off n cant get rid of that feeling. would love to chat. x
I have put an update on your blog and urge you to give Fran a shout. Also try those positive affirmations, stand in front of a mirror staring at yourself squarely in the eyes and say 'I LOVE AND ACCEPT MY BODY' 10 times and do that several times a day...you may think it a load of ******** at first but like I said on your blog you will start to say it with grit and determination and eventually, I am hoping, with a big smile on your face, believe me when I say they work...at times it makes me cry (as big as I am), but I can sometimes see a glimmer in there.
Hi caz how are you doing? Not much to report from my end, went out yest wearing my wig which makes me itchy and when I have a hot flush I feel as though I'm about to combust lol, oh and if my bottom lashes would just hurry up and grow back in that would be good too. I start radio on 26th and vie not to have perception just tamoxifen which ive to start when radio starts, so that prob won't help hot flushes. I wanted to ask you about something you said on your blog about a grant from Macmillan, can anyone get that cause I didn't think I would be entitled to it but I'm sure there are things I don't even know about. My salary is now finished and I go on to employment support allowance but I've got savings and a daughter over 18 living at home who is over 18 so I know I can't get council tax rebate, do you know much about this subject? Hope your feeling more up beat. Col x
Caz honey, don't be so hard on yourself. Although i tried hard to be positive, this forum was the only place i found i was understood and so i didn't need to express myself - if that makes sense. However, since the diangosis late in July and up until about ten days ago, inside i was a wreck. Everything bothered me and I found hiding in the bathroom in tears was the only way i got through. I too tried to express myself and found that I wasn't very good at it, and still felt no one understood - especially when they meant well but kept telling me how i looked and felt about myself didn't matter. It does teach you something though. It teaches you that no matter how un vain you think you are, you still want to fit in to what are supposedly 'normal parameters'. The truth is, we never will. I mean who is more attractive - Cheryl Cole or Charlotte Church? Not only is it a matter of opinion, but what do we actually see when we look at them? A load of slapped on make up. So okay Cheryl and Charlotte, you're makeup looks good.
Stand a hundred people in a line - all naked and see how they look, then airbrush them all and see the difference. I can't see a mans chest or hairy legs when he walks down the street, so why should he know i have a jagged scar on my already sagging bust? At home, when you address, Tony is so right. Tell yourself you are beautiful because you are. No matter how 'ugly' you might feel, i can feel so much beauty from you when you write on here, and it is one of the many reasons we all feel so much for you. Inner beauty always shines through somewhere physical whether in the eyes or the sort of aura that can't be explained. And in your picture you have up, I see a happy shining warm and affectionate person. I didn't see the boobs the feet or even the knees.
When you undress at night, my advice would be to find the sexiest things you have and have them ready to wear. Yes it may mean altering the cups of some items, but honestly sweetheart, making the effort will amke you feel better and show your other half that your needs desires and feelings for him haven't changed (even if you do feel knackered at times). My other half urged me to try it and I won't say what happened but lets say after the isolation and insecurities i felt, they drifted away.
i am 8 days in to the first cycle of chemo - FEC - and although my wig will be here next week sometime, I wondered if anyone could tell me if they remember on what day they lost their hair. I was told two weeks in, and the scalp is a little sensitive, and itches a little. I am expecting to hit rock bottom when it falls out and so have prepared myself and those around me for a few days of bad moods and tears. I shouldn't really complain though as I have had very few effects aside from very mild nauseau and a little bit of tiredness. I hope this continues - especailly as i have been told it will be 6 cycles of FEC now.
i have added this post separately as I wanted to ask everyone if they would please keep their old wigs. It doesn't matter if they are not perfect. Unused or unwanted wigs and bandanas etc. I would like to start similar to the WIGBANK where those who can't afford can buy second hand wigs, only I don't want to sell them, just charge for the cost of disinfecting and cleaning and give those in our situation who do not have the means to buy wigs and scarves to be able to obtain them for the cost of a few pennies of shampoo and washing poweder and postage. In the spring I will have a spare room to set this up properly, but in the meantime, please bear this in mind and if any one you know has any spare, ask them to hang on to them for just a short while longer so they can be put to good use.
i also want to be able to send out feel good leaflets with advice on how you can feel more positive so please let me know your thoughts and positive things that helped you. Macmillian are wonderful and have said they will help me with setting all of this up. Maybe some good can come out of our own misfortunes.
Hi Sara everything you've said to caz is so true and hopefully she will put it all into practice. As for hair loss, I held onto mine till about half way into the 3rd cycle, even then it didn't all fall out, I lost a couple of eye lashes at top and nearly all of bottom lashes into 5th cycle and all other hair about 3rd cycle, I kept most of my eye brows, so it's really diff for everyone. My hair is coming back in now and I finished 6th cycle of chemo on 6th oct. Hope this helps. Oh and my nails are a bit of a mess they are very brittle and all white, so be prepared for that, it didn't happen till last chemo xx
i think we have said before i think our paths are very similair we were i think diagnosed same week 3oth july x
i have had x3 fec chemo i started to lose my hair day 14 it was freaky but in scheme things it will be back !!
you give great thoughts and advice i know u will cope it is emotional but go with it then embrace the savin on shampoo cuts colur time dryin striaghtnening products !i know iam bein crass but have bit of cry and then move on it is weird but its ok .scarfs wigs bandanas people r greatxxxx hope u chemo goes well we can all do this xxx
i just wanted to tell you (cos my old man doesn't think it important lol) that i was getting stressed about losing the hair as i didn't have a wig and the hospital said it would take at least another week and then I'd have to try it on and stuff. My aunt (bless her) said she'd lend me the money til the end of the month to get one. so off i went and tried on loads and loads, and found a great wig, but not the right colour. I was quite upset and thought I'd have to wait til the end of the month and go up town or something. Anyway, the lady at the hospital told me what wigs i could have and i went to the website and found the exact one i had tried on and loved. Although it will take another week to come, i gave the lady a range of almost dark brown to mid brown with red tints (i have always changed the colour) and now she reckons it will be here by about wednesday. I just thought it was so funny that with all the emotion you feel when you know you will lose at least some of your hair, that getting a wig is exciting. It made me laugh when i thought about it.
I'm also looking for some advice, where does a balding middle aged toothless old woman go to get warts on her nose? I know Halloween has gone by, but oh boy, think of the looks when i go shopping in a black cape with the witches hat in hand. Tony - not meaning to sound sexist - but how does one make a broom?
Nina, please tell me how you are finding your chemo. I haven't had any major problems- so far. And who else here knows the Mount Vernon Chemo suite?
ok, off to clean my mobile tooth, love to all xxxxxxxxxxxx
Dont know how to make a broom as I usually just buy one :-) As for MV I know the area well as used to live in Rickmansworth a while a go, know loads of people still around that area....I would love to bump into some of you guys and the amazing thing is we may even walk past each other in the hospitals...I am going to a well know east midlands cancer hospital.
Anyways up all last night with a chemo side effect so I need to get to sleep!
Night Night all and remember....just be careful out there!
sorry its been so long but ive been in hospital for the last week with a very bad chest infection, had a wonderful birthday so thankyou to everyone for their good wishes but I guess I paid the price, lots of people about with colds and virus's and pubs were so busy, anyway Im back now and have been busy trying to catch up with everyone, Caz im reaching out to you with all the warmth and strength I can muster, Sara my hair came out around the 3rd session eyelashes are still there but very very short, Tony I do hope you feel better soon and I just thort Id leave you all with this poem that I keep by my bed, It helps me when I feel like giving up and I hope it can help you too xx
