hi im 36 mother of 3 n diagnosed dec 23. ive had 2 ops n 5 of 6 chemo n finding it very hard at mo. feel so peed off n cant get rid of that feeling. would love to chat. x
Hi girls and Tony thank youball for your words of wisdom, I know I'm just a born worrier lol, lee don't worry about having to go to hospital, I did too for one night because the pain was son bad especially in my chest bone, I really thought something was wrong, Tony as for watching my endescopy on the screen, no way lol I'm getting knocked out, sitsei that's excellent that you oncologist is allowing a pet scan, absolutely no way would my oncologist agree to that, no money in the nhs and it isn't procedure, and if theybdid that for everybody well you can guess the rest. I'm justvworried about this pain in my neck and down my windpipe, but it has only started since chemo so oncologist says chemo causes the lining in the oesophagus to thin out and cause reflux etc and it would be very unlikely for breast cancer to travel there, she felt my neck and says there is nothing visible there and I'm probably tensing myself and not relaxing, anyway as from today no more worrying lolnpositive mental attitude, we will all need to catch up next year, let's just pick a city and get a flight and hotel for a night, it would be great, to meet everyone. Caz glad you don't have to have any treatment as such, it def will help you mentally and physically. Speak soon x
Hi All, I got the dates today - chemo pre visit 3rd Nov, chemo starts 5th Nov. I am terrified, going through all sorts of emotions right now, which I know are normal, but I too keep thinking what if it comes back, especially wth a grade 3. im trying to stay focused and stay on the exercise bike, changed my diet to a much more healthy one - fruit and veg- and still desperatlely trying to give up the fags. im worried how my wonky bob will look after radiation, got to have 5 weeks and then a rest before an intensive course, so keep thinking about reconstruction later on - but it all seems so far away, and already i am thinking about bikinis on th beach and it being noticable. Red burns can be covered with makeup but the shape can't. it all seems strange, i feel so normal apart from emotionally and i wonder if its a sort of denial or whether it is just me being positve without realising it.
I havent been here for a while as i have been so busy with the grandchildren and things, but today i just wanted to tell someone - anyone - how i feel. My family have been great but i think they expect me to be positive all the time as they know mental attitude makes a huge difference, but sometimes i feel - well odd basically. i know so many of you can relate to that. I also keep thinking about the hormone tabs they have said i will need to take, but you know what, its the physical side effects, how i look and how i will feel in terms of feminity and sexuality that bug me the most. i used to love being topless in the very secluded garden we have, now i feel conscious getting undressed at home, It made me think of caz who has amazing strength and through her diffficult time has helped some of us others no end.
so now i have had my rant, i am going to either sulk for a while or bang my head against a wall. Anyone want to join me.......?
I will have a little rant with you although thats all I seem to be doing these days, Im waiting for my 6th and last chemo session on the 26th October and for so long I have been waiting and longing for that day to arrive but now that its almost here Im terrified cos after that its the waiting game...will it or wont it come back? and for me this already is the second time I have been through this.
Im as bald as they come and my eyelashes and eyebrows are virtually none existent I have gained over a stone in weight and I have one boob a b cup and one a D cup, scars on my back and chest, painful piles inside and out and that god awful taste in my mouth so generally feeling pretty sorry for myself. Before all this I was a very healthy size 10 with waist length blonde curly hair and eyelashes to die for, now I feel like an Alien and I just dont know who Im looking at in the mirror any more.......Then I remember.....IM ALIVE! and life is precious more precious than long eyelashes and long hair, more precious than great boobs, the hair will grow back in time and the surgeon will reduce my other breast to match the new one and in time the scars will fade but they will always remind me Im Alive...and I can look at them and thank god for all the wonderful things in my life...and so can you.
So lets rant together. lets cry together and even lets get angry together but when all this is over lets all laugh and smile together cos we deserve to.
Nice one Lee You always say the right thing and raise spirits.Sara,you WILL do it ,it seems endless but you will look back one day and think"did i really go through all that "You girls are doing so well and dont forget that treatments are getting better every week.Dont let worrying about tomorrow spoil today,easy to say i know.Not long till Christmas !!!that will cheer us all up
we can rest assure that all those things u are feeling we are or have or will feel but lee is right it is because we want to stay alive and enjoy ourselves and spend time with our families.This rubbish illness must not take over every thing we are not JUST cancer we are all the other things we were before if not more it must not be our only focus. I keep telling people please can we talk about other stuff too not just how i am !!it becomes all consuming and i am bored with this flipping disease i will fight it but i dnot want it to be everything. it is hard because u look in mirror and see whats its done, feel tired and sick and know why and yes of course worrie about treatment and the damage (as well as good hopifully )its doin and the dreaded will it come back !1 BUT we are here and we have good lives living now so iam sitting watching footie and getting as excited as usual have friend comin round for dinner and glass wine (although i might not be able to manage either (still sicky )i am not going to talk cancer but everything eles and when i fall asleep cos i am such a party animal now she will understand !!
hav fun weekend girlies (and tony ) thank you all so much for bein here lots love and hugs nina xxxxxxx
But it is life...... I find my emotions are so mixed up at the moment... but I think I am on the up.
I am discovering that there is a funny side to most everything..... especially the fact that my boobs now sit in a bag on the side... lol.
I got out of the car the other day and when Dave asked what was taking me so long, I told him he would have to wait, then he turned round cos I was laughing, and when he looked, the seatbelt had pushed my right "boob" nearly up to my shoulder........... he saw the funny side of it too.... anybody who was walking past the car must have thought we were a pair of looneys.
I also have my bad days... I have lost my boobs and had my hair cut and I feel too poorly to dress up and bother with make up........... I struggle to feel feminine, I feel deformed and ugly..... BUT I AM STILL HERE.
And to be honest, that is what keeps me going
The oncologist told me on Tuesday that I have to still keep checking my breasts.... so in shock I said "I haven't got any breasts... how the hell can I check them?" but he told me there are no guarentee's and I have to keep checking my chest area and report any changes.... I have to say, that knocked me for six... it's almost like he told me that it was going to come back........ I was a stunned and needless to say, a bit frightened, so I got dressed, stuck my boobs in my bag and left.
Congratulations to those of you that are nearing the end of your treatment
Just want to wish you luck for tomorrow.It is wierd how we cant wait for treatment to finish at the begining and then panic as the end of treatment gets nearer.Chemo often causes a sore throat and cough but right now every twinge will set you wondering.Try not to let the worrying spoil your days(easier said than done)This is a typical reaction so you are normal to worry .
Hi girls, thank you for understanding and giving me a reallity check. i feel better today. it makes so much differnce being able to rant when no one else seems to understand.
I am sorry to butt into your discussion but just wanted to wish you all well.
You all seem like tough cookies and am touched, truly.
I am currently waiting, I have my breast clinic appointment on 27th oct and really nervous, not eating or sleeping much to be honest but then I don't eat much anyway lol.
Really don't know what to expect with this appointment just that I will probably be having an ultrasound as I'm only 24.
The reason I went to the GP was because I have bloody nipple discharge and a rather deep dimple. I can't help but think the worst but do understand there are benign causes for this out there. Just glad my GP took me seriously.
Do you mind if I ask how you ladies felt at this stage? Am I insane or am I being normal?
You are far from insane,Kylie.The waiting is the very worse time.and we all imagine the worse outcome.It is pointless telling you not to worry as that is impossible but try to limit it if you can.You will probably have a mammogram and the doctor will check this and let you know what he thinks.he may do an ultrasound which is a device that they run over the area and is totally painfree.He may recommend a CT scan to check things further,but whatever happens it is good that you are having things checked.
Keep coming here so that we can try to help you,it helps to put your thoughts down.
