Hi Everyone don't knw if you have missed me but I have certainly missed all you lot and have noticed a few new recruits. I haven't had a computer since July it had something seriously wrong with it and it has drove me mad not being able to chat!!! I haven't had chance to do a complete read through everything so could some of you bring me up to date with a few things. I'v noticed all your fab photos though you all look stunning and I hope you are all keeping as well as you can I'v missed you all terribly.

A quick up date on me! I had a scan in August after 3 lots of FEC and 3 lots of pacitaxol and gemcitibine. To cut long story short it has shrunk everywhere and since the scan I have had 2 more cycles of chemo and I'm now on tamoxifen.My consultant has said he is pleased with the shrinkage and now the tamoxifen should keep it at bay, hopefully!!!!! Its a bit scary knowing the poison has stopped think it was my comfort blanket!

I've now stopped wearing the bandanas they have started irritating me and give me a bit of a headache. Once i had gone out without it I feel theres no looking back. I have got a little covering of downy hair that the kids love.

My eldest Sophie went off to dance college, Alice started Comp and oliver juniors all on the same day and guess what I was having chemo!! Little Betsy is walking and is never still shes a little monkey!!!!!

I'm looking forward to not having to be up and down to the hospital and to hopefully tryingto lead a fairly normal life. The kids activities are keeping me busy and I'm hoping me and Nigel can get a little bit of us as a couple back, it has impacted on us so much sometimes I get so upset when I think about what has happened to us.I love all my family so much and sometimes I feel that this could have easily destroyed us!!!

Anyway sorry to go on please let me know how you are all doing and thanks for reading. I won't ever let myself be away for that long again.

Love to you all

Lou

dear girls n tony

cant tell you how worried ive been about you lou, im so glad you are ok n finished the awful stuff. was not a nice feeling wondering all about you for so long but what a great feeling to hear from you again. please dont do that to us again. theres always someone that can get a quick message to us. cor im so glad you are back hun.

tony you made me cry aswell! what a lovely comment. im so glad your life is becoming more normal for you n your family. its also comforting to know you feel like us, you are like a god on here. you have such words of wisdom n time for anybody, its good to know you are human, if you know what i mean.

anne, i still have many side affects from treatment. im not sure what is what. doc did tell me that herceptin can stop you from healing properly. i still have sores up my nose that wont heal n herceptin doesnt help. i put them down to immune system but who knows what does what. you'll be fine the further away you get from chemo.

hope you ladies on chemo are doing ok, feel for you so much. sara im so pleased for you, congratulations hun! unfortunately life still goes on, however mental it gets. think you could have a few years left of this if i was anything to go by! chin up ey.

you know i said about the car accident we had when i was pregnant? well i forgot to say the day i got the money through, was the day i found out i had cancer. it was always planned for family holiday, but took 22 months to get it. we now have the accomadation, flights n passports sorted as of tuesday. what happened wed,.....chicken pox at play group! so we have to keep charly off till next week just incase! would be a nightmare if charly gets ill.

rose im glad you are ok n the family are coping n enjoying that new little bundle. things will never be how they were before cancer, but we have a new ,enlightened life now. each day is an achievement in its self. got to be happy, just wish it didnt hurt so much.

love you all, loads! take care my special ones.

leonie xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi lee how you doing? I must admit I've had a tough few days feeling sorry for myself, I can't get used to this wig at all, can't wait for my hair to grow back. Last chemo on wed so looking forward to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Do you have facebook, if so add me Colette Jameson and we can compare notes lol x

hi sara i think we have figured befor that our paths are fairly similar

I started fec had my first one 12 days ago and so far so good next one is monday week

apperntly there are 2 regiemes a or b one without the t bit the others were taliking about i am haven 6 fec only (no t bit )

mcmillian website talks a bit more in detail

.i was dreading it but apart from a liitle bit tired and nauseated about 3 days after i am preaty much same

(iam off work ) but that was advised as i am anurse and they worried that i would be at risk of infection. but i feel i could be working but i will do as told for change .

i keep busy and active while i can i know it might get worse but no complaints so far !1

also i still have my hair (for now )they reakon 3-4 weeks so we will see i did go look wigss not sure how feel about that felt bit of a wally!! but have scarfs ready in case.

i too was really worried about family but it has been fine they rally when called upon and friends are wonderful !!I have never been invited for so many luches i am goin to be fat as pig !!!

take care sweetie hope all goes well and remember we are all in this together !!

love and hugs nina xxxxxxxxxx

Hi Sara

I am on the FEC-T chemo, so same as Colly. I have had 3 of the FEC and symptons similar to others. I was always sick on the first night but seemed better after so stuck with same anti sickness. Ginger beer, ginger biscuits helps when appetite down. Keep the fluids up as I suffered badly with constipation!! Not nice. Always feel a bit down the first week after the chemo, but after a week I feel better and my mood changes. Also get very hot and sweaty - like menopausal symptons. I am eating like a horse and have taken to baking cakes A rare event in our house!

I decided to give the hair a number one all over as soon as it started to fall out, which was about 3-4 weeks after first FEC. I have got a wig which I do wear when I go out but as soon as I walk in the house it goes on the post at the end of the stairs! Keep your head oiled, olive oil is good. I also had a PICC line put in as my veins are not good, it is a bit of a pain as I have to have it flushed every week and it is a constant reminder but it will save my veins getting damaged. I have to continue for a further 9 months after the T bit with herceptin, not sure if I will be able to keep the PICC line all that time!!

Like the others have said it soon passes, I cannot believe I am half way through the chemo already. I am a bit nervous about the second half from what Colly said but we all react differently so I will let you know how I go.

Try and carry on as normal, my ironing is piling up and the house is not as clean as it could be - who cares. Get out in the fresh air and socialise to take your mind off it.

I have spent the whole weekend watching the Ryder Cup and I am lucky enough to have a ticket for Sunday so look out for me I will be the baldy one!!!!

Love to all

Anne

xx

Hi Lonies mum,

Thank you for telling us.Give our love to her ,she deserves a fabulous time

Rose xxx

hi ann i too spent ALLL day watchin ryder cup !! i will def look out for u 2morrow my husband always moans i wont sit still and donothin so i didd all day

love watchin it have fun xx have heaps fun bring water proofs lets hope 4 win xx

love hugs nina xx

Hi Ladies, Thankyou so much for sharing your experiences with me, it has made me feel better about the treatment. I don't think my other half really understands the hair thing as he keeps saying im being vain and me being here is far more important and so I get quite upset that he doesn't understand. I know he means to help - but hey no one is perfect, and normally he's a star. I am so grateful for you all listening when I need a moan especailly as most of it isn't c related. I don't socialise much as I like my own company and writing, but you have all made my life so much easier and i am very grateful. we all have so many feelings and fears and it never ceases to amaze me how much love and support radiates from this forum. I feel so much more positive now - just have to find some things to think of doing while i sit with the drip in. Knittting out of the question I think!! maybe the answer is to stay up all night reading writing knitting and then sleep all day at the hospital and dream of pleasant things.......imaginary carribean holiday anyone?.......

love sara xxxx

Hi Caroline,

Just wondering how you are getting on.let us know when you are ready to talk.Sending you lots of hugs:love:

Rose xxx

Hi Rose,

I feel really strange, I can look down at my scars and I can just about cope.... but when I caught sight of myself in a mirror I fell to bits and promptly moved all mirrors that showed lower than my face.... it just looks so wrong to me, I look deformed and i dont feel complete anymore,.

I feel like they cut my breasts off and then just shoved me to the side.

I dont know what to do next

I suppose if I knew what the next step is going to be, I would be better able to cope... but all I know is that the lymphatic fluid keeps building up in my chest cavity (where my breasts used to be) and I have to keep going and getting it drained.... but beyond that.... I dont have a clue

I've gone full circle and I feel lost again

Caz xxxx

hi kaz,

you have not been pushed aside atall! you are still you, that will never change your very attractive and you have personality, no one can take that away, everyone is supporting you and wishing you well. I have had a bad week. I rang my hospital on wednesday evening because my temp went up quite abit and i started to get flu sysmtoms, next thing i know im having needles stuck in every where for blood tests, they came back really low which meant that if i caught anything, i could of ended up seriously ill, then they took more bloods for my heiimaglobin which was very low so i ended up staying in until about 5.30 this evening. i feel fine now but it certainly frightened me!

Hi Caz,

When is your next appt?You will probably need about 6 weeks to heal before anything else happens but it would be nice to be told.Plenty of fruit and veg and Manuka honey is supposed to help healing (I find Tesco the cheapest)It is a shock,I just had the right side but it is wierd.Before you know it you will have recon and look fab.Take it easy and dont dwell too much if you can.Have you had the prothesis?I have some bra sites when you need them.

Take care sweetheart and dont forget to rant and rave here,we want to support you.Also the bcpals girls will help.

Loads of hugs

Rose xxx

Hi Caz,

When is your next appt?You will probably need about 6 weeks to heal before anything else happens but it would be nice to be told.Plenty of fruit and veg and Manuka honey is supposed to help healing (I find Tesco the cheapest)It is a shock,I just had the right side but it is wierd.Before you know it you will have recon and look fab.Take it easy and dont dwell too much if you can.Have you had the prothesis?I have some bra sites when you need them.

Take care sweetheart and dont forget to rant and rave here,we want to support you.Also the bcpals girls will help.

Loads of hugs

Rose xxx

dear caz

so sorry u r feeling like this but it is perfectly normal course of feelings like grieving my darlin . we r all with u u can always talk to mcmillian helpline or breast care nurse.

reconstruction surgery is so good just think u will be able to pick your style !! try not to lose your fantastic positive outlook this is just one of the steps to beat this crap disease u r sronger than this disease. try other things get aface pack , buy some expensive make up and experiment !!! and most of all rant on here as much as u need if you want my email please ask !!!

i am sending u massive amounts of positive vibes u will get you fight back and this is just a natural understandable blip !!

love and hugs xxxxxxx

nina xx