Hi I'm 45 and just found out that a lump I had on my breast is cancerous, I had lump and lymph nodes removed last tues, so I'm now waiting to hear what treatment I'm going to need, My consultant has said most likely 8 sessions of chemo every 3 weeks, so 6 months in total and then radiotherapy mon-fri for a month, so i'm kinda in the unknown zone at the moment. Not looking forward to the hair loss, terribly vain i know, but my hair is very important to me like most women, I colour it blonde which will obviously have to stop. As far as I know my chemo will be given intrevenously, so my hair will most probably fall out. I am going to look into getting a real hair wig as I dont think i've got the guts to go au natural, I've also picked up a couple of bandanas to wear about the house. My partner says it doesnt matter if my hair falls out, as long as i'm here. Luckily I've found the lump very early by self examination whilst on holiday and my consultant is very positive about me getting better. I'm very wary about the next 9 months but feel quite determinded that chemo is a wonder drug and will make me better. My girls are 22 and 20 and are amazing, they have read stories in magazines about Kylie, sally from corrie etc and are determined I will just do what the doc says and get better, my partner who ive only been with for 2 years is the most wonderful guy ever, dunno what I'd do without him, he's been with me every step of the way. I was worried about losing my breast, but fortunately I had a lumpectomy which looks amazing. my consultant says put your life on hold for the next 6-9 months get better and you'll never look back, oh yeah sounds easy, but im trying really hard. I hope I'm still this positive whilst I go through my treatment (def not I hear you say) lol, but I'm a determined ***!

Hope to chat to others in the same situation xx

hi colly

just had my lump and nodes removed thursday (12th Aug) so will know my treatment shortly. I am expected to have radiotherapy and chemo but i thought radiotherapy came first, seems on here it is the other way around - perhaps I wasn't listening. I'm feeling a bit daunted at what comes next but more so for the effect it will have on the family - i worry too about not being the glamourous vital woman i was and will that change my realationship with my partner and so on. Although we are planning to get married. So much to talk about! it would appear you will be going through treatment at around the same time as me, so if you would like to stay in touch and discuss our good and bad days, please do !!! my email is simplysara1@hotmail.com

wishing the best of luck to you

sara

a big hi to you all ! I had a really tearful day yesterday, I looked at my 'new' scar and fell to pieces, and then the negative thoughts do what they do best and spiral into dispair. I remember reading somewhere on here that one lady allows herself one or two days a month to let off steam. I had one day yesterday. I feel better today having let it all out and as all the wonderful people will tell you here, we live off the adrenalin at first and when its gone, we crash Compared to Caz's dilema mine was nothing. . I had thought about mastectomy - and I think caz has made the best decision for her - hugs and best wishes. I have seen some of the reconstructions and they are absolutely amazing - and they can redo the original scars to make them almost non existent. i haven't ruled out having double mastectomy although my surgeon thinks im taking this a bit too far, but has said if thats what i want, then we can discuss. I would prefer to wait till all treatment is finished and think of it as new boobs, new hair NEW ME !!!! Just a reminder Caz and all the others of you who get the depressed days like I had yesterday, our nipples and balls of bouncing fat that sit upon our chests might be the visible signs of sexuality, but the biggest sex organ is the brain. Boobs can be rebuilt, love continues to grow and bring you closer, and each morning the sun rises to greet us and glows red to say goodnight. All the feelings you have are natural and normal, but take everything one step at a time, give yoruself tme to grieve for the loss, then kick your backside into gear, come and chat here and remember life will be good again xxxxxx thinking of you

sara xx

Sara,

I have/had a different type of cancer (I refuse to put a capital or call it the big c)....however I read your 'call to arms' and feel proud to be a part of this community we have built on here.

One day we will arrange a big do somewhere, preferably close to Matlock and all meet up it will be one hell of a party but first we need a few more of you to get a bit better first.

God bless all you ladies, you are truly wonderful!

Much love

Tony xxx

Hi Sara, You are a wee cracker, Loved reading your post, brought a tear to my eyes...I get everything you said and more, I went for recon three years ago, i waited 6 weeks for that op,looking back now i can see i did the right thing for my phyical appearance,but on hindsight that wait almost cost me my life,but i agree we are all beautiful, the boobs and balls matter not a jot, its the person with in us thats shines...You are an inspiration..I went on Friday for my Third Tattoo on my new Nipple, my doc asked me if i wanted my Blue radiotherapy dot removed, I was all up for it until she appeared from behind the curtain with a rather large needle to freeze the area, well i was up off that bed and dressed in a shot, i told her i wanted to hold on to my battle scars...well that was my excuse and im sticking to it....lol...Keep up the Beautiful words...xx

Sara,

I woke up this morning, scared to death.... only because a double mastectomy is such a huge operation (to me)

Your words have helped me no end..... they made me understand, that this operation is going to make me better (even though I don't feel poorly) If I don't have the operation, I will die.

Your words made me see the difference between being a cancer victim and a cancer sufferer.

Your words have given me courage to go for my operation tomorrow..... without that crippling fear.

You made me see that it's ok to be scared.... Normal even

thank you for being brave enough to share your pain and depair..... bacause you have helped me to cope.

Thank you to everybody else for such wonderful support, without all of you, I wouldn't have even got this far

Tony, I like the idea of meeting up for a party... give me a little while to recover first though.

Love Caz Xxx

Hi Caroline, you are in my thoughts for tomorrow. Good luck. Loads luv coming your way mwah xx

Thoughts and love you way for tomorrow. You will do extraordinary things! A friend of ours under went a double mastectomy. Earlier this year we cheered her round the London marathon. You may not do that but watch this space. With the support form this and other communities you will be up and running (So to speak) before you know it. Tomorrow is the start of a positive future. Times to look forward to. For a drop of inspiration pop along to my friend Hayley's website. Strong? This woman could stop a tank with her determination! www.myladyhumps.co.uk

RD & Dx

Hi Caz

I have read through most of your posts and you come across as a very brave,kind wonderful person. With all of your troubles you still have time for others. Looking back at mine I come across as a very self centred person most of the time feeling sorry for myself. I am striving to be more like you, and a lot of the others - you all seem to get on soo well. I will be thinking of you tomorrow especially when I am having my 4th Chemo. It is also my 62nd birthday so I will be celebrating your determination to overcome eveything that has been thrown at you with the sure feeling that you will indeed beat this 'thing'

Jan x

hi Caz

been keeping up to date with your care thinking of you and sending all positivity your way. the journey begins for real !!you really are fab lady xxx

on a practical note i was advised to take arnica and propolis (from holland and barrett) dnot know if it was that but i heaked really quick and the bruising wen tdown quickly just a thought xx

I will keep looking out for how you doing sweetie

I have my first chemo monday 2oth take my big girl up to uni in liverpool day before,

lots of love hugs and stuff

nina xxxxxxxxxxx

hi caz

wishing you lots of luck love n best wishes for tomorrow. like everyone else, i will be thinking of you n hoping you will recover quickly. just remember, tomorrow night you will be cancer free. it will be all gone n i know you'll get through it.

special thoughts for a special lady.

love leonie xxxx

Thank you for all your lovely messages fo support

Jan... good luck with your chemo, and a very happy Birthday for tomorrow honey.

Nina... I hope your chemo goes well and you get your daughter off to university ok.

I will come back on here as soon as I am able

Love to all

Caz xxx

Thank you for all your lovely messages fo support

Jan... good luck with your chemo, and a very happy Birthday for tomorrow honey.

Nina... I hope your chemo goes well and you get your daughter off to university ok.

I will come back on here as soon as I am able

Love to all

Caz xxx

Hi Caroline,

All the luck in the world for tomorrow,the first day of your cancer free future.You must be sooooooooooooo nervous now but we are all here holding your hand.

Cant wait to hear from you in a few days.

Love Rose xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Caz,

Sorry it's a bit late in the day but have managed to get to a computer whilst on holiday and had to get a message to you to say that I am thinking of you at this time.

Patricia