Hi all

I am not having the same Chemo - mine is TAC. Just had the 3rd on Weds and have never felt so ill. EVERY bone in my body hurts. I am having like electric shocks (painfull) all around my mastecomy and lymph clearance areas. Feeling very sick - food has no tast at all - violent headaches. Went to bed at midnight and go up at 3am couldn't sleep because of the bone pain. I had this to a lesser degree last time - really really hope it dosen't get prgressively worse

Oh Sitesi,

I,m so sorry that you are suffering as well.You are having a terrible time lately you poor thing.I hope this wears off quickly and they can give you something next time.

Good luck

Rose xxx

Thank you for your lovely messages ladies and Tony

My head is still in a mess at the moment, but I am coping!

This post certainly puts things back in perspective for me... and that is a good thing... you lot make me realise that I am not alone in this My husband is being brilliant, but he keeps telling me to expect good days and bad days and then tells me to go and have a lay down as I'm not sleeping much at the moment... I know he means well but I guess unless you have been through it, you cant truly understand how much it messes with your head.

Colly and Sitesi, I am so sorry that you ladies are having such a bad time with your chemo.... can you maybe speak to your nurses or doctors about something to help with the pain. I hope you feel better soon.

I have decided to get my hair cut this week to a more managable length, The operation is going to make it very difficult to look after as its longer than my waist, so I am getting a shoulder length bob, that way I can still put it back into a ponytail..... I will worry about losing it when the time comes, For now, I get it cut into a style I can deal with.

I know that I am rambling a bit and I keep going off at differant angles.... but I'm sure things will make a bit more sense as I start to get my head round everything that is happening.... At the moment everything seems to have snowballed from a lump to a mastectomy in just 3 weeks and if I am honest, it's just scared the **** out of me.

Love to you all

Caz Xxx

And yet you are still thinking of others and offering help :love: You are so lovely.

This will knock the stuffing out of you for a while but when things are underway you will be busy .If you have any jobs to do it would be good to do them now.I sectioned off 1/3 of our lawn and filled it with stones and pot plants which cut down on gardening and painted a lot so that we wouldnt have to bother for a while.

I really hope you sail through all your treatment.

Stay strong Caz

Rose xxx

Oh ladies, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so unwell. Do speak to the doctors, they are there to help. My sister suggested to me that eating foods that are known to help with blood count really can make a difference. I wish i had a magic cure for you. I am sending you huge hugs to see you through, keep thinking of the good days that will be with you soon.

And Caz, i am sympathising with you too. I have been told I need more surgery but do not know what that will mean - whether to remove more of a margin where the lump was or whether they have decided to do a mastectomy. I have said before about my lil sis who had cervical cancer a few years back and was very poorly for a while, and I talked to her tonight before coming on here. I hope my little tale helps you.

I showed my sis my two inch scar and she was suprised how well it looked. I showed her the blue dye and the dimple which is noticable if i move my arm backwards- the more back it goes the bigger the dimple. i was talking about the dress I wanted to wear for my wedding (when we finally arrange it!) and was saying that the dimple will show so I will have to change my choice. She said to me, firstly anyone who doesn't accept or like the fact that my dimple shows in my dress is an **** and that being brave and not hiding it is a huge step forward for all women. I understood what she meant - I once got told by a spotty teenager my stretchmarks were offensive and I'd just bught a new bikini. I told him that i was proud of them, I didn't have a smooth unmarked tum like every other young woman. My tum had a pattern that no other human being had - each is individual and mine said beautiful bouncing blonde baby girl. i vowed then to always wear a bikini even on my oh my god i look awful days. This made me think about the dimple, battle scars - well we do soldier on so to speak. And if i have a mastectomy i will still wear my dress whether a chicken fillet bra can be worn or not. half a clevage will have to do. it's not bravery but acceptance and making the best of a sad job.

My sister and i decided all those years ago that we would always find a way to turn a negative into a positive. it is not easy but you can do it if you really put your mind to it. I spent the last 5 years growing my hair to be told i will undoubatly loose it. so i had three inches lopped off last week. Yesterday I layered it myself - why not I thought, if I mess it up it will gone in a few weeks anyway. I suprised myself how good it looks and ended up cutting three lots of hair for others today. a new skill perhaps.

Also, having had my kids, my boobs aren't awful, but are a little heavy and deflated. I have decided when treatment is done I will have the boobs I want - a bit firmer and a bit higher! I would never have considered it before I had cancer. My other half jokes i should get a 44FF. Keep the humour honey it helps. so if i loose my boobs i will buy a pair !

I have been learning how to attach self adhesive eyelashes and draw on eyebrows with henna pen and temporary tattoos that are eyebrows. I want to perfect the technique to help other ladies learn how to do this. The different colour eyebrows change my face totally and the eyelashes make me look so much younger. Again great to make you feel good, and although it takes time to master - it is another skill - i messed up on the left eyebrow - it will take three or four days before it fades. Ho hum

Now as for the hair, which is what people see first, I have decided on a couple of wigs - jsut have to wait to go get them. They are similar to my own natural hair but thicker, more glossy and hey they don't need styling ! So one is as my hair is unstyled, one is it wavy and one is it curly. Think of the time it will save getting ready to go out I decided to buy the wig before chemo starts then cut my hair very very short. This means indoors everyone can get used to me having next to no hair, and when i go out i will have the hair I have always had and look no different (bar the eyebrows!) it gives me some control over what happens.

With the wigs, they need so little care that perhaps you could buy a very long wig to wear and just have it trimmed as and when it suits you. it might not make you feel so naked.

i had a really bad day when I got a call to say come back in and i cried for about three hours - worried about how my missing tooth looked, losing my hair and just getting used to the lumpectomy. I had prepared myself as best as i could ready for chemo - which may be delayed with more surgery. I just thought - ok cool a couple of extra weeks to build myself up mentally and write a shopping list of things like beetroot juice to help keep my blood count up. i do have a new tooth, but the mouth was so sore today i went without. it makes such a difference when it is my choice to take it out - last week without it i wouldn't go out of the door ! I received visitors today toothless

It is not easy being brave, facing things and worrying about how you will feel - or others around you, but humour and a positive outlook help. I read a post where a lady said she is only allowed two days a month to sulk. I gave myself two days a week until four weeks post surgery. Those two days i stomp, i swear i cry and then i have a glass of wine, hot bath and a good book in bed until I can keep my eyes open no longer. it is easier to handle the following day.

i do hope i can offer you a little help here but saying once again as all the others have, that everyone is here for you, and bing positive does help. I know exactly where you are coming from. being positve when you feel ****** takes time, but you'll get there !!! Sending you hugs xxx

sara xxx

Hi sitesi I sympathise with you, I'm in total agony and finished up spending sun night in hops as the pain was so awful and I swear I thought I was having a heart attack as felt like someone was leaning on my chest, docs say it's the steroids tat cause a reflux in the chest and Can feel like a heart attack. Paracetamol doesn't even take the edge off the pain for me so co coda mol was better but it causes constipation lol. Why don't they tell you this treatment will cause you to have unbearable pain everywhere, your finger and toe nails the tips of your ears, every bone on your face every bone everywhere so bad you think are being tortured, that way at least we know and if we don't suffer then it's a bonus, I just hope I don't have this with my final two cause if I do I'm gonna ask to be put to sleep for a week lol. Col x

Hi Colly and Everyone,

Sorry to hear that you have been suffering badly of late. Just when you think you've got it sussed, another symptom raises it ugly head, as if you haven't had enough to put up with already. Just keep telling yourself 'not long now', the light is getting bigger and brighter at the end of that tunnel.

Well ladies and Tony, I had an appointment to see my oncologist today and have been given the all clear, no more treatment, that's it finished. Was told to go and live my life and will see him in six months. He also told me not to try to run before I could walk so to speak, as this nine month journey has taken it's toll on my body and will take about the same length of time to get back to normal level of fitness I had before this event happened. So all I've got to do now is try and get fit LOL but it is getting better, as each week goes by I don't feel as tired.

Patricia x

That's really great news, Patricia - really really great news.

I wish you all the love and luck with this next step, and hopefully the hell you've been through will all become a distant memory.

You'll soon get your fitness back. I'm trying to work on mine but discovered that age has crept up on me - aches and pains everywhere!

Do what the onc says - get out there and live and enjoy your life - every moment of it.

Much much love

Shents x

PS To all you other lovely girls - Patricia is right. Keep going Keep going Keep going - you will get there - and all these damned symptoms of the treatment - baldy heads, sore mouths etc etc. are all temporary. You can do it!

Hi Patricia,

Haven't posted on this discussion before, I used to speak on another one, but I was just reading through your post and wanted to congratulate you on your fantastic news. It is such a relief to get that news following the horrendous nine month journey you have been on, and the sun is shining to boot. Great stuff.

Soon enough your treatment will seem a dim and distant memory as you get on with living life to the full. From my experience, I finished my treatment 7 months ago, and like you had the all clear back in July, each day I just get stronger and stronger and have now gone back to regular exercise and feel so good, I can't tell you.

I hope that our positive comments will help others on the site going through their treatment, as it is a journey (hence my log in name) but one that can be reached. Good luck ladies & Tony with all your forthcoming treatment.

Take care. Love and best wishes.