Hi I'm 45 and just found out that a lump I had on my breast is cancerous, I had lump and lymph nodes removed last tues, so I'm now waiting to hear what treatment I'm going to need, My consultant has said most likely 8 sessions of chemo every 3 weeks, so 6 months in total and then radiotherapy mon-fri for a month, so i'm kinda in the unknown zone at the moment. Not looking forward to the hair loss, terribly vain i know, but my hair is very important to me like most women, I colour it blonde which will obviously have to stop. As far as I know my chemo will be given intrevenously, so my hair will most probably fall out. I am going to look into getting a real hair wig as I dont think i've got the guts to go au natural, I've also picked up a couple of bandanas to wear about the house. My partner says it doesnt matter if my hair falls out, as long as i'm here. Luckily I've found the lump very early by self examination whilst on holiday and my consultant is very positive about me getting better. I'm very wary about the next 9 months but feel quite determinded that chemo is a wonder drug and will make me better. My girls are 22 and 20 and are amazing, they have read stories in magazines about Kylie, sally from corrie etc and are determined I will just do what the doc says and get better, my partner who ive only been with for 2 years is the most wonderful guy ever, dunno what I'd do without him, he's been with me every step of the way. I was worried about losing my breast, but fortunately I had a lumpectomy which looks amazing. my consultant says put your life on hold for the next 6-9 months get better and you'll never look back, oh yeah sounds easy, but im trying really hard. I hope I'm still this positive whilst I go through my treatment (def not I hear you say) lol, but I'm a determined ***!

Hope to chat to others in the same situation xx

hi colly

just had my lump and nodes removed thursday (12th Aug) so will know my treatment shortly. I am expected to have radiotherapy and chemo but i thought radiotherapy came first, seems on here it is the other way around - perhaps I wasn't listening. I'm feeling a bit daunted at what comes next but more so for the effect it will have on the family - i worry too about not being the glamourous vital woman i was and will that change my realationship with my partner and so on. Although we are planning to get married. So much to talk about! it would appear you will be going through treatment at around the same time as me, so if you would like to stay in touch and discuss our good and bad days, please do !!! my email is simplysara1@hotmail.com

wishing the best of luck to you

sara

Lovely post Sara and very good advice.I have answered you caz on your other post but hope you give yourself time to grieve about this news .

Sorry you have to have more surgery Sara.My surgery has never posed a problem to me or my husband,as you say it puts looks way down the list when you have faced so many worries.Plus my husband is like a patchwork quilt with all his operations.It is a mind over matter thing .

If you need any dental work have it done before you start chemo as the risk of infection is greater while having treatment.

Hope you have as good a weekend as possible

Rose xxx

Hi Caz

I'm so so very sorry to hear your news I realise this is a very worrying and emotional time for you, but its true as sara has said the doctors these days are so much more thorough and don't leave any stone unturned, whereas once upon a time without the advancement in medicine and technology that we have today many symptoms were left undiagnosed only to appear again at a later date and only too often too late.

So I guess what I'm trying to say in my waffling manner is this, if there is something there to be gotten rid off, then lets do it know and all together, so that you can nail it and start living again, my prayers and thoughts are with you as they are with all the girls (and guys) I read a very good book recently called Lance Armstrong Its not all about the race. Should you get the opportunity to read it then please do ,his journey has inspired me immensely.

Take good care of yourselves

All my love Lee xx

Hi Caz

OMG what can happen in a few days. I am so sorry to hear your latest news but one step at a time, easy to say I know.

They can do amazing things today with reconstruction a friend of mine had it done and she was quite a big busted lady and she has never looked back and that was is 9 years ago so think how much more they have improved since then.

Stay strong Caz, I will be thinking of you this week along with others on here. I know it is horrible waiting and not knowing, try to keep busy and amongst friends this week.

Loads of hugs

Anne

Good morning all,

You are so right Anne, I have heard the same thing about the new re-construction. When I looked at my lumpectomy scar which is now 17 days old, i was amazed. it is two inches long and looks more like one of my hairs has sat on my chest than a surgery scar. It is normal to have concerns on all levels with all surgery good or bad. I was so panicked when I first found out I had cancer that I was stomping around the house saying I wanted a double mastectomy. My doctor thought I was totally off my head ! As i calmed down a bit, I started to think about things like lack of sensation, how they might look false and so on. And even this week when I heard I have to go back for more surgery, I burst into tears thinking of my new false tooth, losing my hair and not being able to wear the dress I wanted for the wedding as the indent in my left breast would show. But then I came back into positive mode.

My lil sis who had cervical cancer didn't loose her hair in chemo although she have other issues. She and I try all the time to look for a positive in a negative. She said to me, if you have a reconstruction - get the boobs you would have had if you had got them done for vanity reasons. She's right. Whether or not you would have contemplated breast surgery for vanity before, we all have body issues. Try and be positive and think you can have the boobs you want I saw a lady recently who had both hers done sunbathing topless. There was no way on this earth I would have known - she had lovely lovely natural boobs and I was envious!!!! Her sister told me she had a reconstruction last year (due to accident ) and that more than half her breast had been missing.

i am learning how to use henna pens to draw on eyebrows, i am going to experiment with false lashes - none of which I would have ever considered. I found the first set of false lashes make me look ten years younger. Uncomfortable but soon get used to them.

I am so sorry you are having a tough time right now, but it is really true, if you keep lookingfor the positives and feed off them, the bad days get less and less and easier to deal with. I hope I have helped a little. Also, ask the doc to show you pictures, i saw some this week and WOW they are great the ones i saw on the net are about ten years out of date and not so attractive. Stay strong !

Sara

hi girls, sorry some of you havent had the news you expect, having breast cancer or any cancer is awful, but if its for the best then having a mastectomy would be right at top of list for me. This wee post is for the women who have been through the FEC-T, I just had the firsy T on wed and OMG do I feel like sh*t, every bone is aching, ive been in bed since friday tea time, in total agony, right down to my finger/toe nails, soles of my feet, behind my eyes, you name a place on the body and its sore, is it just me or did any of you have this? think id rather feel sick at least i can take tabs and doze, there is no way i can sleep with this pain, no wonder they give you 24 steroids over 3 days, think i need 124 lol, would appreciate any advise. Lots of love and chin up girlies xxx

Oh Colly,

You poor thing.I did not have this type of chemo so i cant help with the pain,i hope it goes quickly.Have you rung the nurse and asked if there is anything you can do ?How many do you have to have?Keeping my fingers crossed that it is a one off reaction.

Best wishes Col,

Rose xxx

Hi all

I am not having the same Chemo - mine is TAC. Just had the 3rd on Weds and have never felt so ill. EVERY bone in my body hurts. I am having like electric shocks (painfull) all around my mastecomy and lymph clearance areas. Feeling very sick - food has no tast at all - violent headaches. Went to bed at midnight and go up at 3am couldn't sleep because of the bone pain. I had this to a lesser degree last time - really really hope it dosen't get prgressively worse

Oh Sitesi,

I,m so sorry that you are suffering as well.You are having a terrible time lately you poor thing.I hope this wears off quickly and they can give you something next time.

Good luck

Rose xxx

Thank you for your lovely messages ladies and Tony

My head is still in a mess at the moment, but I am coping!

This post certainly puts things back in perspective for me... and that is a good thing... you lot make me realise that I am not alone in this My husband is being brilliant, but he keeps telling me to expect good days and bad days and then tells me to go and have a lay down as I'm not sleeping much at the moment... I know he means well but I guess unless you have been through it, you cant truly understand how much it messes with your head.

Colly and Sitesi, I am so sorry that you ladies are having such a bad time with your chemo.... can you maybe speak to your nurses or doctors about something to help with the pain. I hope you feel better soon.

I have decided to get my hair cut this week to a more managable length, The operation is going to make it very difficult to look after as its longer than my waist, so I am getting a shoulder length bob, that way I can still put it back into a ponytail..... I will worry about losing it when the time comes, For now, I get it cut into a style I can deal with.

I know that I am rambling a bit and I keep going off at differant angles.... but I'm sure things will make a bit more sense as I start to get my head round everything that is happening.... At the moment everything seems to have snowballed from a lump to a mastectomy in just 3 weeks and if I am honest, it's just scared the **** out of me.

Love to you all

Caz Xxx

And yet you are still thinking of others and offering help :love: You are so lovely.

This will knock the stuffing out of you for a while but when things are underway you will be busy .If you have any jobs to do it would be good to do them now.I sectioned off 1/3 of our lawn and filled it with stones and pot plants which cut down on gardening and painted a lot so that we wouldnt have to bother for a while.

I really hope you sail through all your treatment.

Stay strong Caz

Rose xxx

And yet you are still thinking of others and offering help :love: You are so lovely.

This will knock the stuffing out of you for a while but when things are underway you will be busy .If you have any jobs to do it would be good to do them now.I sectioned off 1/3 of our lawn and filled it with stones and pot plants which cut down on gardening and painted a lot so that we wouldnt have to bother for a while.

I really hope you sail through all your treatment.

Stay strong Caz

Rose xxx

Oh ladies, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so unwell. Do speak to the doctors, they are there to help. My sister suggested to me that eating foods that are known to help with blood count really can make a difference. I wish i had a magic cure for you. I am sending you huge hugs to see you through, keep thinking of the good days that will be with you soon.

And Caz, i am sympathising with you too. I have been told I need more surgery but do not know what that will mean - whether to remove more of a margin where the lump was or whether they have decided to do a mastectomy. I have said before about my lil sis who had cervical cancer a few years back and was very poorly for a while, and I talked to her tonight before coming on here. I hope my little tale helps you.

I showed my sis my two inch scar and she was suprised how well it looked. I showed her the blue dye and the dimple which is noticable if i move my arm backwards- the more back it goes the bigger the dimple. i was talking about the dress I wanted to wear for my wedding (when we finally arrange it!) and was saying that the dimple will show so I will have to change my choice. She said to me, firstly anyone who doesn't accept or like the fact that my dimple shows in my dress is an **** and that being brave and not hiding it is a huge step forward for all women. I understood what she meant - I once got told by a spotty teenager my stretchmarks were offensive and I'd just bught a new bikini. I told him that i was proud of them, I didn't have a smooth unmarked tum like every other young woman. My tum had a pattern that no other human being had - each is individual and mine said beautiful bouncing blonde baby girl. i vowed then to always wear a bikini even on my oh my god i look awful days. This made me think about the dimple, battle scars - well we do soldier on so to speak. And if i have a mastectomy i will still wear my dress whether a chicken fillet bra can be worn or not. half a clevage will have to do. it's not bravery but acceptance and making the best of a sad job.

My sister and i decided all those years ago that we would always find a way to turn a negative into a positive. it is not easy but you can do it if you really put your mind to it. I spent the last 5 years growing my hair to be told i will undoubatly loose it. so i had three inches lopped off last week. Yesterday I layered it myself - why not I thought, if I mess it up it will gone in a few weeks anyway. I suprised myself how good it looks and ended up cutting three lots of hair for others today. a new skill perhaps.

Also, having had my kids, my boobs aren't awful, but are a little heavy and deflated. I have decided when treatment is done I will have the boobs I want - a bit firmer and a bit higher! I would never have considered it before I had cancer. My other half jokes i should get a 44FF. Keep the humour honey it helps. so if i loose my boobs i will buy a pair !

I have been learning how to attach self adhesive eyelashes and draw on eyebrows with henna pen and temporary tattoos that are eyebrows. I want to perfect the technique to help other ladies learn how to do this. The different colour eyebrows change my face totally and the eyelashes make me look so much younger. Again great to make you feel good, and although it takes time to master - it is another skill - i messed up on the left eyebrow - it will take three or four days before it fades. Ho hum

Now as for the hair, which is what people see first, I have decided on a couple of wigs - jsut have to wait to go get them. They are similar to my own natural hair but thicker, more glossy and hey they don't need styling ! So one is as my hair is unstyled, one is it wavy and one is it curly. Think of the time it will save getting ready to go out I decided to buy the wig before chemo starts then cut my hair very very short. This means indoors everyone can get used to me having next to no hair, and when i go out i will have the hair I have always had and look no different (bar the eyebrows!) it gives me some control over what happens.

With the wigs, they need so little care that perhaps you could buy a very long wig to wear and just have it trimmed as and when it suits you. it might not make you feel so naked.

i had a really bad day when I got a call to say come back in and i cried for about three hours - worried about how my missing tooth looked, losing my hair and just getting used to the lumpectomy. I had prepared myself as best as i could ready for chemo - which may be delayed with more surgery. I just thought - ok cool a couple of extra weeks to build myself up mentally and write a shopping list of things like beetroot juice to help keep my blood count up. i do have a new tooth, but the mouth was so sore today i went without. it makes such a difference when it is my choice to take it out - last week without it i wouldn't go out of the door ! I received visitors today toothless

It is not easy being brave, facing things and worrying about how you will feel - or others around you, but humour and a positive outlook help. I read a post where a lady said she is only allowed two days a month to sulk. I gave myself two days a week until four weeks post surgery. Those two days i stomp, i swear i cry and then i have a glass of wine, hot bath and a good book in bed until I can keep my eyes open no longer. it is easier to handle the following day.

i do hope i can offer you a little help here but saying once again as all the others have, that everyone is here for you, and bing positive does help. I know exactly where you are coming from. being positve when you feel ****** takes time, but you'll get there !!! Sending you hugs xxx

sara xxx

aw you ladies are just lovely beings.

im so sorry for your news caz n sarah, its so hard at the beginning trying to get used to this nightmare n stay possitive. but you both are doing great, n being a good friend along the way. bless my heart goes out to you both.

colly n sitesi its awful to hear you both suffering. i feel for you so much n know your pain. mine as you know was/is muscle but hurt everywhere as you do now. take ibruprofen n paracetamol cos it helps more than painkillers, well did for me. but i didnt take loads cos i felt so sick all the time. you got to keep on top though, every 4 hours. people ive spoken to say its only for the first week it hurts like that with the bones. i hope to god they are right for you poor things.

had to let you know ive been keeping my eye on you all. been so active lately n busy, will let you know what ive been up to n you'll be amazed how far ive come over last weeks.

love to you all ladies, my thoughts are with you

lots of love leonie xxxxxxx

Good luck tomorrow lonie,you must be so excited !!Get that wine chilling ready.So many good wishes to you, at last you are on the recovery route.

Rose xxx

hi girls

aw im so pleased for you patrica! that must be a great feeling to have an all clear. you go love n get stronger n stronger. just take things at a time including work, when you feel ready. think we all been taught to enjoy what we do n if we dont, then dont bloody well do it ey! you too journey girl, well done n all the best for getting that normal life back.

can i just ask about the all clear. its just ive been told i wont get it n need to understand how it works. is it certain cancers that get it and not others? i just dont understand why i was told that no-one gets the all clear as some patients were trying to sue the hospital/doctor if it came back? and yet you've both, as well as others, been given the all clear. i was told that as there was no cancer visible on the scans before chemo, then as far as they were concerned that is good enough for them. they explained that as cancer cells are so small, it was virtually impossible to find single cells. they told me today that it takes about a billion cancer cells to form a small lump that would be visible on a ct scan! i dont want to scare anyone, but i just dont get why some people get the all clear and not others.

anyway, on a more positive note, tomorrow is the last radio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so as far as i'm concerned, my treatment is nearly over, i mean, i know i've got to go back every three weeks till february for herceptin and avastin, but compared to what i've already been through/suffered/achieved already, it is nothing.

rose, i'm glad you've got your wine chilling! i may have a drop of red so mine may need warming! i'll make sure i'm on line tomorrow so i hope you will all be drinking with me! the more the merrier! so come on all you girls, and blokes, out there, i'd love you to join me for a tipple, as long as you can! and all those who are unable, when your treatment is over you let me know and i'd love to celebrate with you all! i mean that, i've got so much love and time for you all, you are all so special and dear to me.

and on a much more positive note, got a phone call from my bro while at the hospital. he's only gone and booked my holiday! great, buts in in 4 weeks, and i'm the only one in the house with a passport! oh well, just a bit more stress, but compared to what i've had, this is much more enjoyable stress!

ps, jon wrote this post and went on a little rant when i popped to the loo! now we have ended up having a tiff about the cancer n it coming back n our outlook about it all. sometimes i just want him to listen to my fears n what i understood from the doctor. he hears different to me sometimes. sorry to end that on a low.

be online tomorrow night. lots of love to you all

leonie xxxxxxxxxx

Patricia... Brilliant news honey, I am so pleased for you

Leonie...Last radio tomorrow.... what a triumph for you... well done honey

Don't fall out with your hubby, he is only trying to make things easier for you... our husbands have seen all the pain and worry that we have gone through and they get so frustrated because as our big brave protectors, they can't protect us from this.... he doesn't want you to worry any more than necessary so he trys to make light of your fears, not because he doesn't care how you feel, but because he wants you to believe him and not worry anymore.... Its because he loves you honey.

I have got a very large bottle of red wine on my side... I will celebrate your last radio with you

I get my results from my scan and biopsy's tomorrow and find out if I am having a mastectomy and lumpectomy or a double mastectomy...

Either way, I will have a glass of red with you to celebrate or comissorate

My appointment is 12.30... I will be online when I get home and let you know how I get on.

Love to you all

Caz Xxx

Hi Leonie,

Good luck for tomorrow and for sure I will be having a wee tipple of something to celebrate your achievement at walking out into the sunlight after all these months being in that dark horrible tunnel.

Yes, you are quite right. No doctor is going to say 100 percent that you don't have cancer. In my case I was told that after having my mx that they were confident that they had got it all and it hadn't spread to my lymphnodes. The chemo and radio treatments were to try and mop up any stray cells. I will still have to be monitored for the next five years with appointments to see the oncologist and the breast consultant. Unfortunately as my case was slightly unusual, in that it was a cyst and not a tumor/lump and was triple negative there is no further treatment available to me. So as far as anyone is concerned at the moment, I'm clear.

A holiday is most definately a good idea. I'm off to London next weeknd, staying with my sister-in-law. Her husband will be away working for two weeks, so it's just us, doing what we want to do. Just have to decide which shows to go and see!

Anyway, all the best again for tomorrow and I'll have that drink waiting.

Patricia x

Right Leonie,I,ll get the first round in .Red for you and a nice Merlot for me.Cheers !!!!

Your round :love: I hope you get better really quickly and stay that way sweetheart.

Rose xx

hi rose

changed my mind n having bottle of fizzy white. hope your merlot tastes good. cant believe its over. stage 3 finally complete n yes, it feels great! so bloody tired from it all n having to go out everyday. cheers!

just gonna get charly in bed n i'll be back in a mo.

xxxxxxx

aw god are we having problems with charly at mo. he just keeps screaming n its so hard to deal with. he wont sleep when hes tired n thats half the problem. then we have the terrible 2s. we had just had a great 2 hours in the garden aswell.

anyone else joined us? thought we could have a little chat whist sipping?

caroline, how are you hun after your results? i hope so much you had good news. but dont forget, its best they find it now so they can treat you properly. come on, open that bottle of red.

you ready for another rose? my round! ha this is different.

xxxxxxx

feeling very lonely. is anybody there???

helloooo!!