Hi Lonie,

I had breast cancer 3 years ago and had 6months of chemo,mastectomy,3more months of chemo and 5 weeks radio

so I know what you are going through.All the things you feel are perfectly O.K.It is a lot to handle and you have a busy time with your children to cope with as well.It is the uncertainty that I found hard to deal with and the change of lifestyle.I tried to resist the change but once I accepted that I could watch daytime T.V on bad days without feeling guilty and hoover less often I felt calmer.Try to do what you must and accept help,People really like to feel wanted and like to help.Don.t be hard on yourself.The tiredness and lack of sleep makes things seem worse but it will pass and you will get stronger .Keep chatting on here and try to spend half an hour on yourself ,going for a walk or gardening or just having a chat to a neighbour .You will get there !!! love R xxxx

thank you for your reply. am feeling less peed off today thank god. was sorry to hear what youve been through but glad it was 3 years ago, means its worked for you i hope anyway. yeah uncertainty isnt a nice feeling n you cant be possitive constant. its always in your mind 'what if it dont work' but even though its tough chemo is worth the try. im just glad its me n not 1 of my kids or hub or close family not because im brave but because i know i can cope with it being me n wouldnt if it was 1 of them. dont envy my hub poor sod. we only been married 2 n half years n have 2 year old n 2 teens from previous, its a lot for him to cope with. he does brilliantly but hes not the best house wife! still learning. you know its made me feel so much better having 2 replies n being able to talk about it. thanks for your kindness. lonie xx

Hi Leonie,

Yep, the infection has cleared up, thank goodness. I did manage to get to Southport and spent a lovely few hours with my grandson. We cuddled up on the sofa and watched Dr. Who together, that was special. He's eight now and I take evey cuddle I can get, cause I know they won't last forever, except in my memory.

Good luck with your last chemo tomorrow. Chin up, just think it's only a matter of days before you'll be back on the road to normality. You've done 5, only this last 1 to go, you can do it! Just think no more roids! We women are strong you know. I do feel for you at the moment with the kids being on half term and your little one into everything, are you getting any help at the moment?

My last chemo is on the 8th June, am so counting the days. I am dreading having bloods taken on the 7th though as my veins have decided to play hide and seek. They hide and the nurse seeks!

I have been given a date for my rads. I go on the 14th June for CT scans and start on 29th June for 3 weeks.

Something to make you smile. I have a partial denture which on Saturday on my way home from Southport driving the car decided to remove as my mouth was a bit sore and placed on my lap, no problem there. I arrived home at about 10.00 p.m. went in the house and went to bed. Sunday afternoon decided that I needed to go and do some shopping, couldn't find my denture (I tend not to wear it in the house as it irriates me after a while) then remembered the car. Went to see, nope not there. Then I found it, on the road, it had been run over by a car!!!! Try explaining that to the dentist. My son has already banned me from wearing dangally ear rings as I wear a scarf rather than a wig as he says it makes me look like a pirate. Myself I think it's more like the Gypsy Rose Lee look. Anyway what with the headscarf, earrings, missing tooth, all I need now is the eye patch and I could win first prize in a fancy dress competition They say bad luck comes in threes, surely I've had my three disasters by now.

Hey, I don't care if you winge, that's what were all here for to support each other through the bad times and enjoy with you the good times.

Once again good luck for tomorrow and don't forget to put a big tick on that calendar!

Patricia x

P.S. After just reading the last two posts I now have a vision in my head of Dopey from the seven dwarfs, sorry lol xx

lol Patricia, I thought only things like that happened to me! I certainly will look like dopey x

hi patrica

you make me laugh so much, that story was hilarious! what a thing to happen at a time like this sounds just like me. my son Dylan is typing this for me because im not with it at all. but it was the last one! and hopefully in a couple of weeks i will start feeling better and we can go on a holiday.

funny u were saying about having a picture of dopey in your head, when my son (liam 12) first seen me after i shaved my hair he told me i looked like a smurf and then said how much my ears stuck out. this was after my hub and Dylan had been saying how much it suited me and how i could pull it off! wore a hat nearly all the time since then.

no i dont get help with the kids i dont really know where to start. Dylan had just started a street dance class and didnt like it. i think it was crap says Dylan (me). Liam is going to start boxing on friday, but i think theyre handling things very well at the minute especially Dylan he is awesome!! :P definately need to look into charly goin to a nursery or something. we started it back in november but it was £100 for 4 mornings a month and when jon had 2 go on sick to look after us we couldnt afford it

my radio starts in 6 weeks apparently. so that will be similar times for us again. and i will definately be in touch before you have your last chemo.

lots of love to you best go. im high as a kite on roids leonie xxx

Hi all of you and apologies haven't been on for few days!!!! last week wa school holidays and all my week seemed to be taken up with some appointment or other and it makes me feel really guilty that not done much with the children They did go to nan and grandads for a night and my second oldest went to a sleepover and I was brave enough to let her and my son both have a friend over Friday night for sleepover. Didnt get my tea until 10.30pm which wasn't such a good idea anyway they had good time!!! My baby girl started crawling!!! OMG I'd forgot what it was like when they go on the move!!!!!

Been laughing at some of the posts especially the pirate one and a smile has been puton my face. Lonie jus wanted to say that my health visitor is going to look into some funding to put Betsy into a private nursery although my partner isn't that keen but I said to him now she is on the move on my bad days when I literally find it hard to do most things it would just ake abit of pressure ofhim when hes trying to look after me the baby the house etc. Perhaps that something you could look into its worth a try and like your situation he is my main carer and carer of the family and isn' t working so any help is better than none.

Anyway just wanted to run something by you to get your thoughts! After the bit of good news that there had been no further spread and a stabilisation in the areas my cancer is I went to my clinic appointment and sort of came down to earth with a bang!! The realisation of what I'v got hit home again and I was sort of given a choice. I'm sorry if I go on but just need you to be in the picture so you can give your opnions on the choice I,v made.

We had the positive news as above but my oncologist team have made me aware that because there hasn't been a change and my cancer is oestrogen receptive (Is that th right term?) I can either go n hormone tablets or they were thinkin of changing my chemo drug from Fec to a combination of Paclitaxol and Gemcitabine which has more side effects They have told me if I carry on with the chemo I won't be able to have that drug again if in the future the cancer growsagain. The doctor said its 6 and 2 3's and its how I feel about the side effects etc but knowing me now she did say that the chemo route, which I have chosen, is probably best for me psychologically!! Also even though its in the other areas other than breast theres not alot of it so I feel that surely if theres only a little cancer the chemo has more chance shrinking it now than if I go on th tablets and then it grows larger later down the line. I hope I'v made the right choice!!! An thoughts appreciated.

Also so far I'v kept my hair through using the cold cap but the Fec treatment is only an hour and my last lot the cap was agony. This treatment is a longer treatment and I'm not putting myself through that agony just for my hair coz like you've all said it grows back, However not looking forward to the bald head and no lashes I'v got sticky out ears and a pointy nose!!!!!!! I'l look like a pixie!!!

Sorry if I'v gone on a bit hope you are all ok and hope to hear from you soon

Love Lou

Dear Loumack and all the other lovely girls here,

How awful to have to make such a choice,I bet you had your fingers crossed when you decided.I am sure it will be a good choice and newthings are being found every day.I cant wait for theday when we get up and see the headlines in the paper "Cure for breast cancer found ".You have such a busy life without all of this.Good luck to you and yours.

Good luck to you ladies finishing your chemo this week.I actually missed going to the unit !!When my hair fell out I had visions of looking like Sinead Oconnor but actually looked more like Mat Lucas from Little Britain !!Its good that we can laugh about it.

Keep posting,I really look forward to reading everyones thoughts.

Rose xxx

Hello ladies - nice to read your messages - can i join in too. I am 42 year old mum with 2 beautiful children - had 6 sessions of FEC and recentrly had a mastectomy and reconstruction. I was glad to have finished chemo (although have funny veins in hand and arm now and hair is growing back with colour totally gone - white or i prefer to say'strawberry blonde'. LOL . All in all I think, well i'm alive. I am currently waiting for next breast reduction and uplift(haha) on other boob.

Take care ladies and keep being strong, Regards....

hi patrica

just want to wish you good luck for last chemo. be thinking of you tomorrow. ive got that 'feeling' back n got right chemo head. cant wait to feel okish.

love leonie xx

hi fifi

glad to hear you are doing well n near the other side of it. look forward to chatting once i start to resume normality n am not a 'zombie chemo head'. hopefully only a few more days.

chin up girls

leonie x

Hi Leonie,

Thanks for your good wishes, I'm now counting the hours until tomorrow!! Had a wonderful nurse today at the hospice who, God bless her, managed to find a vein first time to get some blood.

Sorry to hear that you are not so good at the moment. Just think it's the drugs doing this to you and it won't be long before you will be feeling somewhere near normal.

Your son Dylan's little notes added obviously by him made me laugh, sounds like a good lad especially helping you with you typing.

I have been having a good laugh at some of the descriptions of how we see ourselves, we've now got Dopey from the Seven Dwarfs, pirate, Gypsy Rose Lee, pixie, Matt Lucas from Little Britain. What a right bunch we are

Hope you feel better soon so that you can have that much deserved holiday.

Patricia xx

Hi Lonie just wondered how your doing and how many chemos you've had!!! How r the kids doing?

Wonderd if you had read my post about looking into help getting funding for a nursery its definitely worth a try! Don't know about everyone else but we are finding the fnance side of things a bit of a nightmare!! Going to see a welfare person to try to sort a few things out. If worse comes to worse will have to move into the garden shed like a family of gnomes. No its not that bad but seriously with everything else we have to deal with its the last thong you need hassle with and thedepartments we'v been dealing with have sent three letters out on the same day saying the same thing? Not doing much to save paper and seems a bit incompetent to me. We are going to a cancer support centre in Sheffield where we live and have been told the welfare people are experts so should be great help.

Anyway feel like i've been abit doom and gloom in my last few posts and would like to apologise just wish my mood would lighten a bit have laughed at yours and patricias posts though.

Take care everyone hope to hear from you

Love Lou

Hi Lonie just wondered how your doing and how many chemos you've had!!! How r the kids doing?

Wonderd if you had read my post about looking into help getting funding for a nursery its definitely worth a try! Don't know about everyone else but we are finding the fnance side of things a bit of a nightmare!! Going to see a welfare person to try to sort a few things out. If worse comes to worse will have to move into the garden shed like a family of gnomes. No its not that bad but seriously with everything else we have to deal with its the last thong you need hassle with and thedepartments we'v been dealing with have sent three letters out on the same day saying the same thing? Not doing much to save paper and seems a bit incompetent to me. We are going to a cancer support centre in Sheffield where we live and have been told the welfare people are experts so should be great help.

Anyway feel like i've been abit doom and gloom in my last few posts and would like to apologise just wish my mood would lighten a bit have laughed at yours and patricias posts though.

Take care everyone hope to hear from you

Love Lou

hi lou

of course i read your post hun you lot keep me going through this. had charlys 2yr check today n shes gonna look into funding for us. wish we had done it 6 months ago. had some money put into my account as well but no letter saying what its for as yet. must be disability living allowance which citizen ad told us we couldnt claim until i had been ill for at least three months, and had to be ill for a further three months after, but that if i was ok for one day, then i couldnt claim it! dont know how much i get but its helped. we have struggled since jan n still dont know if we have applied for all we can. macmillan helped us the most. its not nice telling the kids we cant afford things they need, bloody horrible. jon had back to work app at job center a few weeks back even though his job is being held n was told he would have to go for medical? they know situation just dont make sense. hope you find the help you need.

your little 1 crawling, how lovely i remember that. i was normal then. charly had a terrible 2s day yesterday, that was fun! like you last week had 2 sleep overs for boys 4 kids. that went ok though cos they all slept in the shed(bought it for boys to play in, take their mates to) put a mattress n telly there n they take ps3, perfect for them. my kids seem ok, dylans been going out more n liam hasnt had a fight for few weeks. know they worry about what if med dont work. they have a friend whose mum has different cancer n shes terminal poor soul. they talk to eachother etc but it must make them worry more. hows your tribe coping? it so unfair on the kids.

was pleased to hear its your 4th lot. i also think you made the right decision about your med, not that i know all about it. but options is a good thing n hopefully soon there will be bigger n better drugs available. had 6 of 6 last week. sooo glad its over. radio in 5 weeks for 5 weeks, which unfortunately takes us to summer hols. ******! i know its a short app but daily is not gonna be great for older boys. last chemo we had 10 hours at hospital! was there 3 hours before 1st med was given. had low blood n had to be checked before i could start. normally there for 7, 8 hours but that was a killer! i was having 4 lots of med, now i will only have 2 lots every 3 weeks til feb.

best go kids are home, chaos! wish my mind could cope with it all.

lots of love to you n family. leonie xx