Hi Lonie,

I had breast cancer 3 years ago and had 6months of chemo,mastectomy,3more months of chemo and 5 weeks radio

so I know what you are going through.All the things you feel are perfectly O.K.It is a lot to handle and you have a busy time with your children to cope with as well.It is the uncertainty that I found hard to deal with and the change of lifestyle.I tried to resist the change but once I accepted that I could watch daytime T.V on bad days without feeling guilty and hoover less often I felt calmer.Try to do what you must and accept help,People really like to feel wanted and like to help.Don.t be hard on yourself.The tiredness and lack of sleep makes things seem worse but it will pass and you will get stronger .Keep chatting on here and try to spend half an hour on yourself ,going for a walk or gardening or just having a chat to a neighbour .You will get there !!! love R xxxx

thanks for your reply. im so sorry youre going through it as well but maybe we can help each other. dont know anyone thats got this horrible disease which i am glad about. are you married with kids? sounds like im a week ahead of you in treatment. the most painfull part is my mouth n tongue but i cant walk more than a couple of mins now either. did have infection the week before last chemo though. if i walk more i cant move off the couch for a couple of days. must admit my mind is alert than has been since chemo. am taking anti depressants which has stopped some tears. just dont understand why im finding it so hard now with only 1 chemo left. got radio left n herceptin every 3 weeks til next year but that cant be as bad as chemo! know i lost sight of the fact its meant to be keeping me alive but thats not guarentee is it. hope youre feeling a bit better today n sunshine is cheering you up. lonie xx

thank you for your reply. am feeling less peed off today thank god. was sorry to hear what youve been through but glad it was 3 years ago, means its worked for you i hope anyway. yeah uncertainty isnt a nice feeling n you cant be possitive constant. its always in your mind 'what if it dont work' but even though its tough chemo is worth the try. im just glad its me n not 1 of my kids or hub or close family not because im brave but because i know i can cope with it being me n wouldnt if it was 1 of them. dont envy my hub poor sod. we only been married 2 n half years n have 2 year old n 2 teens from previous, its a lot for him to cope with. he does brilliantly but hes not the best house wife! still learning. you know its made me feel so much better having 2 replies n being able to talk about it. thanks for your kindness. lonie xx

Hi Lonie,

Hope your feeling slightly better to day.

I'm 52, oh alright 53 next month, was married, got divorced 19 years ago and brought up three boys on my own and I thought THAT was hard, it pails into comparison to this. The eldest was 30 last month, the middle one is 26 and the youngest who moved back home 17 months ago is 24. Their age doesn't matter being a mum, you still worry about them and they still look to me for support. The youngest broke his elbow a three weeks ago, this is the one who is supposed to be looking after me, right pair we made... :D.

I started my chemo on 23rd February, just had no.5 of 6 FEC, so am now counting days instead of weeks. Last one, touch wood, should be 8th June, only down side to that it's just 4 days before my birthday. I have told eveyone that I am postponing it this year until I feel better!

After chemo have to have 3 weeks radiotherapy, more days to count!

Sorry to hear that you are finding it difficult. To be honest, after reading a lot of letters on this website and others, your not on your own. We as mothers I think find it more difficult, I'm not saying others don't also, but it's in the contact, down in the small print, 'when you become a mother your not allowed to be ill'. That's how I felt at least.

I also was struggling with my emotions, very badly to be honest, did ask myself why I was putting myself through this torture. Was prescribed anti-depressants by GP which didn't take as the Oncologist decided to knock off the steroids on 4th chemo and have to say felt so much better last three weeks, haven't got upset or cried once!! Lost my temper a little but that's another story and perhaps more like me, that would have left me infloods of tears whilst on steroids. I found I was at my worst on the days after stopping the steroids. I find the worst thing now is boredom, am normally an active person, just can't focus or concentrate on anything for too long. Seem to be fliting from one thing to another like a butterfly, only not as pretty

SO are your teens boys or girls? How are they coping? My youngest seem to have difficulty at the beginning of chemo coming to terms with it, he seemed fine whilst I was having my ops and recovering but became withdrawn the first few weeks of my chemo and wouldn't talk to me, prefering to lock himself into his room, he's okay now but worrying at the time.

Sorry your having problems with your mouth, have you had the mouthwashes etc. fortunately I've been alright in that department, had one small spot on my gum but nothing else.

Hope to feel up to getting out this weekend, what with the weather being forecast to be good. Don't want to miss that Dare I mention BBQ.............quietly.

Patricia xx

Hi to you all on this post and to the original Lonie

I'm 37 and mum of 4 and was diagnosed at end of Feb 2010 and found a week later its spread to liver and bones. I have struggled just like you so hard trying to be the normal mum and keep the kids lifes normal. Have you got help around you because I'v just had my third fec chemo and said to my partner that we can't do this on our own we have got to take all the help that is being from family, friends even neighbours!

Like you said the treatment is grotty but is hopefully going to make you well andin my case keep my situation under control but its all uncertainties!!! Please keep chatting on here because we are in a similar situation with a young family.

Love Lou

hi patricia

i feel for you n your youngest. but how selfish to break an arm now! ha. my mum caught a really horrible head cold n felt so guilty for being ill while i'd got chemo. couldnt risk her looking after little 1 for 2 weeks.

i like you have 3 boys n brought my oldest 2 up on my own. he was a beast n didnt get any money to help. although very hard they were better off not seeing him. luckily i met jon 4 n half years ago n he gradually took on father role. he gets on well with my boys n they know he considers them as his own. 1 is 13 n other is 12. the oldest is handling it quite well, he says he cant concentrate properly at school especially when kids are being cruel about cancer. the other dont talk much but has been getting into a fair few fights. he says hes quite angry n when kids taunt him about me he hits them. i know its not all about cancer n a lot is just growing up but i worry about them so much. it must be hard for them n i have changed so much (ill nearly all the time).

my last chemo is 3rd june n 5 weeks of radio. like doc said cos of my age im on very strong chemo n they will give me everything to try n stop it coming back. im on a trial drug (hopefully next wonder drug like herceptin) n herceptin every 3 weeks til next year. so glad you didnt suffer with your mouth. i have about 20 at once n lines on tongue n gums hurt more than ulcers! ******. starting to feel better now but food is gross! cant wait to eat again.

well i'd best go, you wouldnt believe how long its took me to write this. about hour n half but did have the little 1 for about half of that. its hard enough to concentrate without being disturbed constant. take care

leonie xx

Hi Leonie,

My you've got your hands full with two teenage boys and a two year old in the house. Sorry to hear that your boys (sorry don't know if your little one is a boy or girl) have had problems with other kids. Children can be so cruel sometimes! Have you been on one of these pamper days for the want of a better word (don't know what they call it near you, as they seem to have different names all over the country, ours is called first diagnoises day). This is held at our local hospice, you get waited on all day, lovely home cooked lunch, complementry therapies, yesterday we had Pimms on the terrace in the afternoon! You feel so relaxed when it's time to go home, it's wonderful. Oh, and they provide transport if you need it and it's all free. Sorry I'll get to the point in a minute. At the hospice they also have what they call a drop in session for family and carer's, where they can talk to a counseller about their feelings because they suffer also, a lot in silence. Have you had any help with regards to your sons and how they can cope through all this?

I had a lovely weekend, spent mostly in my mum's garden, lazing in a hammock, shaded by two big trees, sheer bliss! Followed yesterday with my 'pamper day', wonderful! Only to be brought back to earth yesterday late afternoon. Had to go to blag receptionist at GP to let me wait and squeeze in to see Doc to get some antibiotics. Played my ace card 'chemo', it's amazing how that works, otherwise would have to wait till Wednesday. Seem to have been bitten by something over the weekend, which has developed into a large red swollen area just below knee, which is painful to touch. Followed by a big row with my youngest son over something so trivial really, don't even know how it started to be honest. Obiviously everything was going to well, have had no infections up to now and after such a lovely few days, somone thought I needed a reality check, NO I DIDN'T, THANK YOU!!!

Hope you've been fairing better over the weekend? Which part of the country do you live in, I'm in the North West. Although a bit cooler, it's meant (according to met office) to be sunny intervals today, up to now no sun!

Right off to make some breakfast. What you cry, 'it's nearly lunch time!'. I know, and guess what, today I don't care.

Patricia xx

Hi I'm 45 and just found out that a lump I had on my breast is cancerous, I had lump and lymph nodes removed last tues, so I'm now waiting to hear what treatment I'm going to need, My consultant has said most likely 8 sessions of chemo every 3 weeks, so 6 months in total and then radiotherapy mon-fri for a month, so i'm kinda in the unknown zone at the moment. Not looking forward to the hair loss, terribly vain i know, but my hair is very important to me like most women, I colour it blonde which will obviously have to stop. As far as I know my chemo will be given intrevenously, so my hair will most probably fall out. I am going to look into getting a real hair wig as I dont think i've got the guts to go au natural, I've also picked up a couple of bandanas to wear about the house. My partner says it doesnt matter if my hair falls out, as long as i'm here. Luckily I've found the lump very early by self examination whilst on holiday and my consultant is very positive about me getting better. I'm very wary about the next 9 months but feel quite determinded that chemo is a wonder drug and will make me better. My girls are 22 and 20 and are amazing, they have read stories in magazines about Kylie, sally from corrie etc and are determined I will just do what the doc says and get better, my partner who ive only been with for 2 years is the most wonderful guy ever, dunno what I'd do without him, he's been with me every step of the way. I was worried about losing my breast, but fortunately I had a lumpectomy which looks amazing. my consultant says put your life on hold for the next 6-9 months get better and you'll never look back, oh yeah sounds easy, but im trying really hard. I hope I'm still this positive whilst I go through my treatment (def not I hear you say) lol, but I'm a determined ***!

Hope to chat to others in the same situation xx

Hi Colly

I have just read your story and am sorry to hear your news. I like you have recently been diagnoised, I had my op in March and have just had my second chemo treatment on Friday 6 more to go so all going to plan will finish on 24th Septemeber followed by 3 1/2 weeks of radiotherapy, 1 year of tablets and a reconstruction this time next year oh what joys lol.

I like you was concerned about my hair as it was my pride and joy but just yesterday I had it shaved of as I just could not stand it all falling out over me, the house etc. The last straw was when I washed it so it was a trip to the hairdressers and of it came and I feel somuch better for it. At the end of the day it all grows back !!!!!! Ther are some fab web sites for wigs etc and I was speaking to others about this and if you look under hair after chemo in the treatment section this might help you a lot to, only a suggestion.

I have 2 sons aged 25 and 26 who have been great also my family and friends have been a great strenghth to me, it is surprising how people around you react. I have been unfortunate with my husband as he has found it very hard to deal with so we have recently seperated as I could not concentrate on getting myself better and then worry about how he was feeling, that sounds really bad doesn't it but I do not mean it in a nasty way. Well at least he came to chemo with me last Friday and he has now started to speak to others about it, I have suggested he speaks to others on this forum as that might help but hey who knows what he will do.

I like your daughters have read about celebrities who have recently gone through this and all sounds positive so we can all only look on the good side of things. Keep in touch and let us know how things are going

Take care

Littlesis (Linda)