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Invasive ductal carcinoma - friends and family seem to be distancing themselves from me. It's breaking my heart.

Tinafred
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Hi my name is Tina

I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma on 31st March

I had my surgery on April 22nd 2026 I had to have sentinel node removed as well so 2 scars, I'm finding that most people including some family have distanced themselves I'm heartbroken, has this happened to any one else? 

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    I’m sorry to hear that. Please give the helpline a call on 0808 800 4040 to talk to a nurse. Welcome to the forums and hello there. Carers UK offer an online activity programme, you can find all of the information on their website. It is called share and learn. 

  • Offline in reply to Bone-cancer-patient

    Thank you ill ring them after my appointment tomorrow, I have to see the oncologist for the histology results from my surgery 

  • Offline in reply to Tinafred

    Good luck. Let us know how you get on. 

  • Offline in reply to Bone-cancer-patient

    I will my appointment is midday 

    Never felt so alone and isolated right now 

  • Offline in reply to Tinafred

    I think you need to find a support group. 

  • Offline in reply to Bone-cancer-patient

    Well the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes but the surgeon removed 11 and the surrounding area was clear, I have been put on chemo tablets and radiotherapy will start in 4 weeks as he said I have to heal from surgery 1st the sessions could be 5 - 15 or maybe more and will be every day Monday to Friday 

    I also have to have a bone density scan and have been put on letrozole which I have to have for 5 years, it could have been worse 

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    Hi Tina, I am really sorry to hear people have distanced themselves from you just when you need them the most. I’ve had this experience myself (I’m currently on my 5th cancer journey) so I know what you’re going through. Sadly some people simply cannot cope with what is happening to you so they choose to distance themselves.  Cancer can certainly show who your real friends are. You need to concentrate solely on yourself now. My personal opinion is that the very word cancer scares people to a point where they just shutdown and pretend it’s not happening. It’s not nice and it’s not right but it probably won’t change. If they lose your friendship that is their loss and they will have to deal with their nagging conscience for a very long time. I am very careful who I allow into my life now and, sadly, even those I allow in are held at arms length. It’s my way of protecting myself. 

  • Offline in reply to Fifth

    I think that just that word "cancer" makes people think you are going to die

    But I just don't understand why they would distance themselves when they can see that you are struggling to come to terms with it 

    When I had my surgery and came home I had no visitors, it was just me and my dog, who has been lovely and definitely mans best friend, she's the only 1 I can rely on, but what you said is true you certainly find out who real friends are at a time like this  and the realisation is I don't have any 

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