Hello Mrs Marpel,

So good to find someone else on here that has CLL. I got diagnosed about a year and a half ago. God! I have cried so much, and still do (We need the emotional release Marpel. I am doing the same as you at the moment :Trying to lose weight, like you said it is nice to have something we have control of.

I also find it difficult to be positive after being diagnosed with CLL. I have managed to have some Counselling with the NHS, this has just finished now after about a year. It did help, but more for other things that being diagnosed with Cancer brings up. I do keep the Samaritans number handy which is 116 113 (24 hours a day.) I have found them helpful, it is in confidence, and you get a new Samaritan answering everytime you call.  I have just started a Can Move exercise group (Which is cancer related, and everyone that goes to the classes has a different type of cancer. Your cancer Haematology at the hospital can help you there. 

I do feel tired, and have lumps on my neck (to do with the Lymphatic fluids.) 

So good to see your chat on here Mrs Marpel x

Hello Candyfloss777,

It’s sad but also nice to know that I am not alone. I am 60 I think the diagnoses came 15 years to early. I had chosen a dog as my retirement focus which I now have refrained from buying as I will not live long enough to look after it any more which does not help. Thank you for the phone number I will give that a go. I feel tired too but every time I have a new symptom I get scared even if it has nothing to do with the CLL. It’s like a Damocles sword hanging over me, a pressure I find really difficult to deal with. 
How is your weight loss going? Just a question about the Can Move class. Do people talk about the cancer they have or is it just an exercise class with the mutual knowledge that everybody is ill? 
Please let me know how you are getting on.

Hi Mrs Marpel,

I am 60 yrs young too. Oh bless you were going to get a dog, It's okay to still do that if you have someone who says they will look after your dog for you? But if you're like me, you're on your own in life. I think I am paranoid too Marpel, every time I have a health issue I think it's to do with CLL?

You were only diagnosed just before Christmas so you may not feel like I do? But 1 year and half down the line, I truly feel like I have been left on the shelf by Consultants due to not needing any treatment yet. I had just been for a blood test last week, but the consultant stopped seeing me in person, she just gave me a call with the results of my bloods. This time my results were slightly higher than last time (What ever that means?) It is really difficult to deal with living with CLL, I feel there is a ever present danger hanging over me just like you say, I think no person is able to understand what you feel like, and what you go through daily, unless you experience being diagnosed, and living with CLL. (But here we are, we have found each other, and I am sure that will help us both.) 

My weight loss is on and off at the moment, because I try to be good then see a cream cake looking at me saying "Eat me?" And I think oh go on treat yourself you deserve it. But I know it will help me to lose some weight, so I keep trying. 

The can move class is just an exercise class, I feel really old going because I must be the youngest there? I have chatted with a few people before the class starts, and no one has CLL. Most people are having Chemo, or just been cured? There are so many different types of blood cancers, and I think the one we have is more common in older people. (That's probably why I haven't met anyone with CLL?)

I will keep an eye out for you on here, I will let you know how I am getting.