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Post mastectomy surgery - struggling with the grief of losing my femininity. Feel guilty for my feelings

Fluff1
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Hi 2 days post mastectomy.I have been ok for the last 2 days. I suppose the relief from the worry of surgery and the way I have dealt with it made me feel quite proud. Today I have woken and the grief has taken over. I can't stop crying for the loss of my femininity. Yet I know it has saved my life. I have a long way to go yet I am so sad and feel guilty for my feelings.

  • Hey Fluff1, 

    I just came across your post and wanted to reassure you that it has been seen and that I'm thinking of you at this very difficult time.

    Coping with life changing surgery is very tough and it's only natural to be having such intense thoughts and emotions at the moment, so please don't feel guilty for feeling this way.

    Hopefully some of our members who understand the challenges and complexities of having a mastectomy will offer their support and advice to you soon, but if it would help to talk to one of our cancer nurses about what you are going through then do give them a call on 0808 800 4040. Their phone lines are open Monday - Friday between 9a.m and 5p.m and they will do all that they can to help.

    Be kind to yourself Fluff1 and remember that we are sending you all our support and will be by your side throughout your recovery.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Fluff1

    I had a mastectomy twenty two years ago I felt exactly the same. I had reconstructive surgery which failed. I had falsies which made me feel better for a while. 

    I overcompensated by wearing extra make up and going out with friends trying to feel feminine again. It didn't help.

    Then I found lovely preformed bras so got used to just wearing them and my clothes look fine again. Over the years I have come to accept how I look and as you say appreciate being alive and enjoying life to the full !

    I wish that I had been able to adjust earlier and really hope that you feel better about your self soon. I wasted a lot of time wishing I had my breast back. 

    Make the most of ever day and be proud of yourself, share your story you will be amazed how many women you know may have been through this . 

    Good luck have a very happy feminine future. Big

  • Offline in reply to Appledore

    Thank you so much for your reply. I haven't had much response so far. It is really early days for me and I am trying so hard! I am praying that I can come to terms with this and as you said it is a waste of time and energy what is gone is gone and be thankful for what I have. Thank you again wishing you well too 

  • Offline in reply to Fluff1

    I feel for you but truly believe it is so new for you and I remember how afraid I was . I am so happy now and all that feeling unfeminine was just me every one told me so hadn't changed it takes a long time to believe that.  Learn to love yourself as you are now. The alternative is so much worse. X

  • Offline in reply to Appledore

    Yes I totally get that. It's a waste of my energy but as I have been told it is similar to the grieving process so hopefully with time ... Thank you so much for taking the time to reply 

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