Hi all.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago, had the chemo, mastectomy and radiotherapy and the usual meds for oestrogen +ve cancer.  1 yr ago i was diagnosed with bone metastases while having my much delayed reconstruction surgery (seriously, thank you Covid for that or id be in a different situation now) when I had a CT scan post op cos the docs thought I might have had a clot/  No clot but a C5 metastases.  I was totally symptom free which is why i'm grateful for the delay in surgery or id still be none the wiser.  I was taking abemaciclib initially 150mg twice daily but had to be reduced to 100mg due to the most HORRENDOUS diarrhoea, 3 monthly leurprorelin injections which are quite uncomfortable but now have them in my abdomen around the surgery site which is numb so....bonus?  and 4 weekly inj of Faslodex 1 injection into both bum muscles which left a constantly bruised and itchy feeling and as soon as it died down, next dose was due YaY!

Through all that Im still working long shifts and looking after the house etc. struggling with the diarrhoea.  Every bag I possess had loperamide in it.  I found that taking just 1 before going our made such a difference and if staying at home, only taking it after bouts (like it says in the book lol). It still wasnt great but i was pretty much living a normal life with frequent medical visits interspersed, CT scans bloods, jabs etc/  All seemed to be going ok, despite the brittle nails, and what the sweet jezus is my hair doing??  Still symptom free, BUT I just had a nuclear medicine bone scan and ..

and its worse.  Several vertebrae and almost all my left pelvis soooo now im off the 4 weekly jabs and the horrible abemaciclib (silver linings anyone?)  Have had a blood test to see if i make enough of something called DPD (not the dedicated parcel delivery people) and if so i'm getting started on a chemo called Capecitabine 2 weeks on 1 week off.  

Now after 5 years of being pretty positive about things, feeling generally well, I have to confess....I'm absolutely bricking it.   I have no clue obviously how the Cap is going to affect me, the first question the doc at my appointment asked was if I had any hip pain.  I didnt but now 2 days later of course I do.  And various points on my back where I know the mets are living. I have had to take a few days off work just to process it all, this essay is part of that processing...sorry...

Im scared of pain, im scared my vertebrae will collapse and i'll die from suffocation, 

Anyone have any words of wisdom? advice? about the Capecitabine or anything lese related to bone mets?

Thank you and especially for reading.