I'm so sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis of incurable lung cancer. Undoubtedly this would have been really difficult news to receive and it's perfectly understandable that you're struggling with a rollercoaster of emotions at the moment.
We have some information on our website about cancer and mental health that I'd encourage you to read through. It may offer some reassurance that how you're feeling at the moment is not uncommon as well as offering advice on how to cope and where you can access support.
I hope that you have a network of family and friends around you who can offer some support. Don't be afraid to lean on them. If you've been given details for a specialist cancer nurse you can also contact them for advice and support. It's part of their role to help you navigate this diagnosis so do get in touch if you need their help.
Here at Cancer Research UK, we have a team of nurses that you can call to talk with if you think that may be helpful. I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice, information and support they can. They're available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040.
You're welcome to keep posting here in the Cancer Chat community if it helps to have a safe space to put down in writing how you're feeling, ask questions or chat with others who understand. Hopefully, you'll be able to connect with some of the other members who are living with a stage 4 diagnosis soon.
Please know that we're here for you Irishlizzy, so keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.
Sending you my best wishes, Jenn Cancer Chat moderator
I think there isn't any accepting it. There's coming to terms with it so that you can learn to live with it but accepting something that is so unfair cannot be expected. Sadness and anger *is* processing it. I hope you have people you can lean on. There are groups and charities that offer support but nothing can make it fair so be patient with yourself. It will take time.
Hi Irishlizzy, I was in the same position as you 5 and a half years ago, yes, that's right, 5 and a half years ago !!! I thought my world was coming to an end. I soon realised that I had to take this one step at a time and found that was the easiest way to deal with it. I had 2 years of immunotherapy with barely any side effects and can honestly say that apart from feeling tired at times I haven't really felt unwell at all. I have 3 tumours in my left lung, the immunotherapy reduced them in size and they are still stable at that reduced size. I finished my treatment and since then have just had regular scans to make sure it hasn't spread elsewhere. I should add that the only reason they found the cancer in my lung was because it had already mestastasised and moved to my brain, that being the secondary tumour and my lung the primary. The brain tumour was completely removed and there's been no regrowth since then. At the time of my diagnosis I never would have believed that I could still be so well this far on but I am very well and pretty much living a normal life. Think positive thoughts and take things one step at a time. My motto is I'm living with cancer , not dying from it. If you need a chat you're more than welcome to reach out to me. I wish you all the very best onthis strange new journey. X
Thankyou for your positive message means alot, i will try and be more positive, going to see a Councillor tomorrow hopefully thrash my anger out god help her x
It's better to be able to talk about it with someone who understands. I have 3 adult daughters who refuse to talk about what I want at the end when the time comes. In my mind I'm trying to prepare them, I've already paid for my funeral and got my finances etc in order to make things as easy as possible for them but because I am and have been so well all this time they refuse to accept my condition is terminal. If you look well you must be well is what they say and to be fair they're right , it's easier to talk to people who will understand your fears and the emotional rollercoaster that comes with this journey. I hope you find your counsellor useful and all goes well. X
Hello Irishlizzy. I am also terminal and I don't think that we ever accept it.........I think that we simply try to process it as best we can. I hope that you have people that you can talk to and lean on. I wish you all the best, xx
I won’t beat about the bush. Has anyone said directly that your cancer is terminal, or have they said “Stage 4 and incurable”?
This may seem like a smart *** question but I used to get angry when anyone, including a MacMillan nurse, described me as a terminal patient. Our local hospice describes terminal as death probable within six weeks.
An awful lot of incurable stage 4 patients survive for several years - “terminal” is such a hopeless label and can lead to despair which leads to fatal wrong decisions.
Anger is part of the grieving process but, for many of us, it’s also what keeps us fighting when the odds are stacked against us. Don’t accept anything as “inevitable”, “God’s will” or any other deterministic nonsense until you’ve tried everything available to fight this.
Good luck! Dave (stage 4, incurable and 11 years in remission)
Thankyou for your message I have a fantastic family and friends just need to try and stay positive and hopefully learn to live with this c wish you all the best too hun xx
Hi dave i have lung cancer collapse lung spread to my lymph node's it's not terminal im receiving chemo and immunotherapy when they first told me i was all over the place thinking terminal thats what people always say and it *** me off i just need to come to terms and believe that i can fight this *** C ,as im usually a wee fighter have to be brought up in Belfast he he ,
