Hi everyone, 

Just a quick PSA that I would rather have non judgemental comments on this as this is a very sensitive subject, I am looking for advice only.

My mum has been living with ovarian cancer since 2018 and it has come back twice since. The last time it came back, we were unfortunately told that it is almost guaranteed to come back again at some point in the future, whether that be weeks, months or years. It is an awful black cloud that is over her and us 24/7.

Last month, I got engaged to my partner of 5 years and we have always dreamed of getting married in Italy. I have dreamed about it since I started thinking about marriage and only ever envisioned myself getting married there. I have definitely never envisioned myself getting married in the UK and it is just not the kind of wedding I'd hoped for.

My Mum has basically turned round and said that she doesn't want me getting married abroad incase her cancer comes back and she is going through treatment at the time and can't travel. Although I completely understand this concern (as it's obviously a concern of mine too) she doesn't seem to be taking my feelings into consideration at all and is almost condemning herself to being sick when I get married. My Dad has also said he won't come if she's ill because it'll upset her too much.

In my opinion, I don't feel like we should live our lives with the fear of cancer ruining things. It has already ruined enough. I have come up with many ideas and ways round the situation including postponing the wedding if needs be and also getting married in a registry office beforehand to make sure she's there if, worst case scenario, she is going through treatment at the time. If we were to do that, we would make the day extra special as that is the legal part of the marriage anyway and would have our closest family there to witness and celebrate. However, I feel like whatever I say she isn't happy with. Of course if I knew she was going to be unwell for my wedding and knew that she wouldn't make it, I would definitely get married in the UK...however, we just cannot be sure. There's also the risk of her still not being well enough to come even if it was in the UK.

Has anyone else been through something similar and could give me some advice? Just such a *** situation to be in :(

Any help and advice would be extremely appreciated

Thanks so much x